Mansion 530 W. 28th St. (10th & 11th Aves.)
Chelsea
212.629.9000
Mansion:
Just in time to cure your recession depression—this Miami transplant offers all of the delusional escape you’ll need to buffer any impending poverty. Nevermind that rent’s going up and the job market sucks—here your trek to the former Crobar in West Chelsea is rewarded with a fleet of naughty French maids and butlers while you lounge on plush banquettes around a 20-foot fireplace. Live it up trust fund style while you schmooze in themed V.I.P. rooms such as The Study, The Library, and a women-only Cougar Room, where the Botox set can get pampered and shop for sex toys (wild guess—this was a man’s idea?) This club sure is glam, but with all of the model-gawkers and out-of-towners here, you’ll want to bring your own playmates for this game of millionaire make-believe.