With the economy teetering on the edge of a giant metaphorical toilet seat, we’re all doing a little belt-tightening these days. One tragic consequence is that getting drunk at a bar without pre-gaming (or smuggling a flask) has become something of a luxury for those of us with high tolerances and humble incomes. Enter the giant drink, designed to get you from zero to tipsy in a hurry, without the hassle or repeated tipping of multiple trips to the bar. Bottoms up!
The Zombie Hut
273 Smith St. (Degraw & Sackett Sts.)
Carroll Gardens 718.875.3433
Chances are, at least one of your drunkest memories has something to do with a tiki bar. Something about those fruity, rum-laden concoctions leads normally temperate people to transform into cat-calling college freshmen after only a few sips. If Bali Hai calls to you, your best bet is The Zombie Hut in Carroll Gardens. This bar whips together giant, hangover-inducing concoctions like the Frozen Zombie (with rum, OJ, and pineapple) and of course the daunting Scorpion Bowl, which serves four brave and thirsty pals at once. And hey, with all that fruit garnish and juice, this might be the healthiest thing you’ll put in your body all week.
The Slaughtered Lamb
182 W. 4th St. (6th & 7th Aves.)
West Village 212.627.5262
A pint of beer is a beautiful thing, but when you’ve got serious intoxication in mind, flagging down the bartender time and time again for a fill-up can be a bother. The Village’s spookiest hangout, The Slaughtered Lamb, recognizes this problem and provides a tempting solution—the mighty yard of beer. These amazing three-foot beer glasses are becoming a rarity in today’s bar scene, probably because of their tendency to break and the struggle it requires to clean them, but The Slaughtered Lamb’s proximity to NYU means they understand the needs of binge drinkers. One word of warning—drink carefully, or bring a change of dry clothes.
Tequilaville
12 Vanderbilt Ave. (42nd & 43rd Sts.)
Midtown 212.681.8441
Even tourists look at Tequilaville in Times Square and think, “Wow, what a tourist trap.” But when all you want is to while away a couple hours with a basket of chips and a margarita, it’s a surprisingly satisfying place to go. Unlike the wimpy lime-flavored concoctions passed off as the real deal elsewhere in the city, Tequilaville’s giant margaritas are good and strong. Plus, at $8.95 ($6 during happy hour), they’re one of the best bargains in the neighborhood. Next stop, Peptoville.
Dallas BBQ
261 8th Ave. (@ 23rd St.)
Chelsea 212.462.0001
It is true that most New Yorkers regard Dallas BBQ as little more than an eyesore, but even if their barbecue is subpar and the crowds can get a little rowdy, there are few better places to go for freakin’ enormous drinks. Just about every beverage here is served in a “fishbowl,” the kind of glass that seems too big for its stem, and if you pay a little extra, your (usually frozen) drink will arrive with a test tube full of your choice of liquor cozily tucked inside. You feel a little like a mad scientist dosing your already-alcoholic-as-hell beverage, but the only discovery you’re likely to make is that you’ve spent your cab money without realizing it.
Brother Jimmy's West
428 Amsterdam Ave. (80th & 81st Sts.)
Upper West Side 212.501.7515
This cheesy barbecue chain is kind of obnoxious, but if you can stomach the trailer-trash-themed merchandise and slogans like “Put Some South in ‘Yo Mouth,” you’ll find they have a vested interest in getting their customers loaded. Case in point—the drink referred to only as the Garbage Can, a $70 monstrosity served in a keg-like metal container. Like a Scorpion Bowl, this drink requires a minimum number of drinkers (eight), and there’s a damn good reason too—the thing has a whole bottle (yes, a bottle) of Bacardi 151 in it. Prepare to leave with a newfound, Oscar-the-Grouch-esque appreciation for trash cans.
