A wise man named Flava Flav once said, “Don’t believe the hype." This is especially sage advice as New Bar Season quickly approaches. After all, it’s easy to get excited about a new place—until you realize everything you’ve heard and read about it is, well, coming from the new place’s PR. The good news is, we here at Shecky's have been spammed with enough overwrought press releases and heard enough BS to know what to expect. So, with a skeptical eye, we bring you our New Bar Round-Up…
THE EMPIRE ROOM
What they’re saying: This “upscale cocktail lounge” is opening on the ground floor of the Empire State Building as part of an overall $500 million renovation. So, with that in mind, here are a few words on the décor: “Lush mohairs, intricate cut velvets, macassar ebony, silver leaf, embossed leather and polished stainless steel…the colors employed evoke the warm glow of the cocktails themselves; rich brandy, deep cognac, icy silver, and golden cream.” And now we know what interior designers masturbate to.
What we’re saying: What do you think will end up costing more—a ticket to the top, or an Amstel Light? And just wondering: What drink is “icy silver?” Anyway, it sounds ritzy, so maybe you should make your dad take you here.
350 Fifth Ave between 33rd and 34th Sts.
Opening Date: “Fall”
The ROOFTOP BAR at the STANDARD HOTEL
What they're saying: This place keeps piling it on—first the floor inlaid with pennies, then a beer garden, and now a night spot on the “gorgeously refurbished” 18th and 19th floors of the place. Yep, we're promised two levels, featuring a similar amount of lounges, an additional bar and a pool. A pool! The décor is “sleek” (of course) with a predominantly black and gold color scheme. (What, no onyx?)
What we're saying: We all know what the highlight of this place is and will always be…copulating couples in the hotel’s rooms turning an innocent stroll on the High Line below into a late, late night on Cinemax. It’s going to be hard to see any of that from the 18th floor, but maybe that’s what the pool is for. We can’t wait to crash this place.
848 Washington St. @ W. 13th St., 212.645.4646
Opening Date: Mid-September
LE SOUK HAREM
What they’re saying: With the advent of their spin-off Harem, the original (and newly re-opened) Le Souk now becomes, quote, “the antithetical party venue.” Er…anyway, the new place, which includes a “bona fide tent,” will cater to the “upper echelon clientele” that visits the current place, seeking to “revel deep into the night—every day and night.”
What we’re saying: Here’s a translation for those of you who don’t speak fluent Soukese…“Now that we’ve moved to NYU, we’ll piss off fewer neighbors. But, you still can’t come in.”
510 Laguardia Pl. between Bleecker and W. Houston Sts., 212.677.1120
Opening: Tuesday, September 8
THE BLACK HORSE PUB
What they’re saying: This Park Slope bar will be a small, English pub with 16 tap beers serving “exciting" British and Irish cuisine by “renowned Lancashire chef Mick Baldwin.” Stumped for conversation? In that case, “watch all the live soccer you can handle.”
What we’re saying: We’ve already seen all the live soccer we can handle. But, it’s funny how the sport of soccer can help a bar avoid a sports bar reputation. Also, we can’t help but smile when someplace proudly advertises British food. More spotted dick, gov’nah?
568 5th Ave. at 16th St., Park Slope, Brooklyn, 718.788.1975
Opening: Tuesday, September 15
BAR HENRY
What they’re saying: From the makers of the West Village’s Café Henri comes this combination American bistro/wine bar, housed in a 19th-century townhouse (and the former Zinc Bar). Notable décor includes chairs from the old Plaza Hotel, a copper ceiling and antique lighting fixtures, helping to give the place an “Old World feel.” If you’re thirsty, there will be 12 glasses and 100 bottles—selected by John Slover (Cru)—to choose from.
What we’re saying: Sounds sophisticated…so what’s up with that neon sign? It practically screams “forgotten ‘80s sitcom starring Bruce Willis” (with John Slover as the clumsy sommelier). You can’t judge a bar by its cover, we guess, but based on the signage, we’re nicknaming Bar Henry “The Hank” until further notice.
90 W. Houston St. between La Guardia and Thompson Sts.
Opening: Saturday, September 12
Le Souk Harem and Bar Henry photos: Adam Regan
