Loneliness should never have to be equated with not being in a relationship – there’s plenty of loneliness inside of relationships, and the cure is not to go out and just find a boyfriend. Being alone can actually be a wonderful experience -positive and rewarding, even if it’s not always easy to think of it that way. Here’s a list of tried-and-true methods of curing loneliness, without going out and nabbing the first dude who comes along.

1. Find out what you like to do

Sign up for a yoga class. Learn a new language. Come home after work and cook the hell out of a new recipe book. Cooking is really easy to get into, and it can give you a lot of happiness. Become a movie buff. Become a people watcher. Take a notebook and go to a bar alone. Take notes on how people interact. Later you could try approaching this with new perspective. Get some workouts in. Read all the books you never thought you could.

2.Get out of town

Living alone in a faraway place has taught me that there’s no amount of loneliness a long drive with good tunes can’t cure. Go see something new. Rock out in the car on the way.

3. Get a part-time job

Something else to do on the weekends or after work hours can help. Getting a part-time position waiting tables exposes you to a lot of people you might not otherwise get to know in your normal work day. You’ll meet new friends you can hang out with, people who will recognize you outside of the house when you’re out socializing. You’ll have bartenders who recognize you and know your name.

4. Get a pet

If you have the means to care for an animal, pets make great companions and definitely take your mind off feeling lonely. Cats are more independent than dogs, and can keep themselves entertained when you’re not home. They don’t cost much (food and litter). If you don’t like cats, consider a small dog if you have the means to hire a dog walker.

5. Get Roommates

Sometimes it’s a matter of populating the apartment with more bodies. One way to imitate roommates is keeping the radio or tv on, which can often make you feel more lonely at a moment when you’re really down. Roommates are not only there to chat with and hang with when you feel like it, but they help you save money.

The men’s fashion industry is broadening by the minute. Yet, it seems that, unless they work in the fashion business, have an influential girlfriend, or a natural ability to dress themselves, most men fail to realize when they are committing a severe fashion crime. We have outlined the biggest fashion turnoffs, the ones that are just non-negotiable. – Grace Texter

Gaudy Jewelry

Jewelry can look really sexy on a man when done right. But, when done wrong, it can get really, REALLY ugly. Huge gold necklaces and enormous pinky rings are tasteless and challenge the girlfriend’s bling. Also, it is hard to take someone seriously when his penny-sized glass ear studs are blinding everyone in his path. A rule of thumb for men when it comes to jewelry is “less is more,” so keep it simple. Or keep it zero.

Frosted Tips

The fact that this is still an issue for men is troubling. Alas, the 90’s boy bands were apparently more influential than we thought and we are setting the record straight. Frosted tips indicate one thing to women: douchbag. They just do not look good and they give men that “peter pan” look that is completely unattractive to women.  Thankfully, frosted tips are an easy fix. Head straight to the barbershop and get them buzzed off. You’re welcome.

Overgrown Beard

Beards may make men feel manly and rugged, but they aren’t the ones who have to kiss a big, prickly mess of hair. While facial hair can be extremely sexy when it is maintained well, a full-on beard is too much. Once he reaches the one-inch mark, it’s time to either trim or shave. No woman wants to explore the far reaches of your grizzly man-face-coat. Save the women the extra trauma, show off your gorgeous gab, and embrace the razer.

Socks with Sandals

When it comes to men wearing sandals, a lot of aspects come into consideration. However, there is no need to consider wearing socks and sandals together. The answer is: DO NOT DO IT! If a guy is the type to throw on some Birkenstocks to run to the store or some nice designer sandals to change things up, more power to him! If the problem is his un-pedicured toes, he should stick to loafers until he can get his feet polished up. Socks are not an appropriate alternative. Ever.

Short-Shorts

You may wonder, when is short too short? When you can see more than 2 to 3 inches above a man’s knees, his shorts are in uncharted territory. Once the hemline gets above this length, the look is unseemly. We know that it is very hipster-hip to wear cut-off jeans, but even cut-offs are usually an appropriate length. So, good men, leave some to the imagination and avoid showing off too much of your glowing white thighs. We are willing to wait for that honor till a later time…

As someone who doesn’t want kids, but who is in a 3 year relationship with a man who does, I understand the question.

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 30. When I tell people I don’t want kids but he does, they say not to worry. They say there is plenty of time for me to change my mind.

I really hate that response, because I don’t think I’m going to change my mind. Honestly, the thought of raising a child does not interest me, and I don’t see how something so important can just become interesting overnight. Wanting to be a mother seems instinctual. And I think it’s an instinct I lack.

I have never felt ashamed by it, but lately I worry. I love my boyfriend, and it is honestly my intention to marry him. But I fear he’s going to tell me we’re not compatible anymore when he realizes I really don’t want kids. Both of our clocks are ticking. On the other hand,  I know I will never let him “convince” me that we should have children. And neither should you! Even though a close couple will always make decisions together, having a baby is not his decision. It’s mine.

I think all women should consider this problem in the same light. Don’t ever think that your decision to not have children is somehow wrong, or that you’re hurting someone’s feelings by deciding you’d rather not be a Mom. Don’t ever think that you should be pressured into having a kid by someone else. No one should do that to you, especially not your partner.

In a moment of truth, you (and I) must choose: your partner’s happiness, or your own? The decision to have a baby is not like buying a new piece of furniture. It’s forever. That baby is going to take everything out of you and then some. It’s really not the kind of decision you want to flip a coin over. It’s not a decision someone else should make for you.

If you are with a man who feels that he would rather leave your relationship than respect your decision to not have children, that is his right. And consider it a favor to you if he decides to leave you. It’s easy to say, but that’s how I would think of it, too, if it happens to me. As hard as that is to imagine in my own case, I know it would be a terrible situation for my baby if I decided to have it just to make my partner happy, if it wasn’t what I wanted in my heart.

Will not wanting kids ruin the chances of ever being in a happy relationship? Of course not. Plenty of guys don’t want kids. We just need to go out and find them.

-J. Thompson

Ladies. There are so many things guys do wrong in bed. But how often do we check ourselves? Here’s a list of general (mis)understandings we have about what guys want, according to a few dudes who were eager to share with us.

1. Perfume and Deodorant

Men are much more “animal” than women when it comes to hygiene. While we take extra care to make sure we’re smelling like new rain before rolling in the sheets, men would actually prefer if we just smelled like ourselves. Our bodies, like men’s, secrete chemical compounds known as pheromones. It’s these chemicals that play a profound role in sexual communication, and we rely on the nose to pick up their presence. If we smell like fresh laundry before hopping in the sack, it won’t tell a guy anything. In fact it might call to mind images of the laundry room from his childhood home. Presumably not what we were going for.

Bottom Line: Men are 1,000 times less sensitive to musk than women, which makes it more important that we try not to cover up the “natural” scent of our bodies. (We’re not talking rank body odor here, just the way you normally smell without having put on a bunch of Calvin Klein).

2. Playing Submissive Jane

Men rely on us to move, to make noise, to give nonverbal cues for what’s working and what’s not. Just lying there is boring for him, and makes him think he’s hurting you. A guy is likely to lose steam when he’s not getting a response from you. He needs your feedback in the moment.

3. Refusing to Kiss Him During Sex

It’s good to be the boss. But when you’re holding back displaying your emotions so you can dominate him, he won’t understand. “Men like to be kissed, just like women.”

4. Sexy Lingerie

Men are visual creatures, so naturally we think they enjoy this. Truth? They don’t care much! Put on a corset with lacy, barely-there panties and he’ll definitely be pleased, but he’ll be more excited to take it off! Think twice about forking over the moolah for what amounts to clothing you’ll wear for a few seconds, only to throw on the floor.

5. Scratching and Biting

There’s a general consensus among dudes that this can be hot. Who doesn’t love a little roughhousing once in a while? The thing is, scratching and biting are easy to take too far, without even realizing it. Most guys would be happier if you didn’t rev it up to this level.

Jenn Flaa, author of The Happiness Handbook, knows a thing or two about joy. She went from being a chubby, miserable divorcee who owned a high tech company that was barely hanging on, to a successful CEO and lead singer in a rock band. When it comes to happiness, she says, making your man happy, your boss happy, and your family happy,  starts with yourself. Read on for her surprising insights. – Victoria Barton

TELL MEN WHAT YOU WANT I work in high tech and I’m a musician, so a lot of my friends are guys and I have two brothers, and they all talk about how they can’t read women’s minds, and women—especially around sex—don’t seem to share enough with their guy. Or, when women talk, they don’t get to the point right away, and the guy gets lost in the conversation. In the book, the idea is to help the woman really get clear in her life what makes her happy, what makes her mad, what she likes about sex, and get it to the place where she can have that conversation straight-on with her guy instead of beating around the bush, or expecting the guy to read her mind. I grew up thinking that if you were “the one,” you would know what I want. And yet, I don’t really have that capability for the guy. I think that you garner some of that over time in paying attention, but it’s not instinctual.

MAKE HAPPINESS YOUR OWN RESPONSIBILITY In the book, I talk about happiness being your responsibility. You can’t wait for someone to show up and make you happy, you have to know what makes you happy first. For instance, I love flowers. Having flowers in my home makes me happy, but I don’t have to wait for my guy to stop off at the store and grab some. I can go out and do that!  In the book, I have several different worksheets that you can go through, like “What are the top 5 things that make you happy?” There’s also a dating checklist that asks questions like “What’s your favorite color” or “What’s one of your favorite dates?” or “What’s your favorite type of coffee?” They’re all little things, but it’s the teeny things that matter when guys do them—those make the girl know that he likes you, and he’s paying attention.

DO A HAPPY DANCE The key is not just to tell him when he’s made you happy, but show him visually that you’re happy. That’s a mistake I made in my marriage, I’d say, “Well, thank you honey.” Men are so visual that the “Oh, thank you honey” did not enter his man-brain but since my marriage, if I light up my face, or I do a happy dance, you can see it register in their bodies that they got it. Then, it’s like scoring a touchdown or a winning goal or whatever they know, and they know they did a good thing and they’re more likely to repeat it once they get that positive reinforcement. It’s a good thing to experiment with.

In my talks, I’ve had some women, especially some of the women that are more reserved, say, “I can’t do it.” Here’s an example: what if a guy took you out to Arby’s, and you just love those roast beef sandwiches. So what if instead of doing a happy dance or anything, but what if you took a bite and you react by saying, “OH MY GOD that hits the spot!” They’re going to get that. You can experiment with when being visual in your happiness feels good to you, and still registers with the guy.

Once you start seeing the effect that your happiness has on guys, you’re getting the positive reinforcement that being more expressive makes the other guy happy. We tend to always want to make other people happy, so if just being happy makes the other person happy, then that’s easy.

Long-term relationships can get tricky. After the hassle of a busy schedule, finding time to be intimate without being exhausted can be difficult. Some avoid sex altogether if he or she doesn’t want to insult the other by waiting for the act to be “over with.” Others don’t want to be embarrassed by trying something new and failing horrendously. The rest are afraid that the attraction has simply been lost.

But let’s be real: would you stay in a long-term relationship if there was no attraction at all? Here’s a few simple ways to help you try to rekindle your sex life and feel like you’re back in the honeymoon stage. -Meryl Lumba

1. Spontaneity

Howard of the Big Bang Theory printed a 3D version of himself for his wife.

After a long day of work, week after week, it becomes incredibly easy to just crawl into bed next to each other and do your own separate thing. But whether you are reading a book in the dim light and your mate is skimming the Internet or playing a game, be bold and interrupt. Or surprise him with a gift! Be spontaneous! Nothing is more attractive and exciting than starting something fun and out of the ordinary.

2. Toys

Ross’ very own Princess Leia appeared before him.

For bolder folks, toys are a good way to go. There are many toys for both men and women that aid in stimulating, and there is truly something for everyone. Don’t forget to test your comfort level a little: instead of lingerie, try a strip tease or instead of handcuffs, try role playing. If ambivalent, remember that toys only help the intimacy you both already find pleasurable– you’re just pushing it to the next level.

3. Senses

Phil and Claire from Modern Family spice it up every now and then.

If you’ve been in a long term relationship, you know your partner’s turn ons. Enhance them by using his senses. If a particular lighting, scent, and fabric really excites him (or you!), try it out! Swap out the bedsheets for something more sensual and light up candles. For some, adding food into the mix might be interesting too.

Did you ever wonder what it would be like to date a “Mad Man?” Here’s a roundup of the different guys from the show, what their most prominent characteristics are, and which one seems most like your beau. What does it say about you if you’re dating a Pete, a Don, or a Henry? – Cass Daubenspeck

Ambitious, obstinate. He works long hours and thinks of his job as the most important thing in his life. He is definitely not a pushover, which is a good thing. But you get the feeling that he’d do whatever it takes to get the status he feels he deserves-at yours, or anyone else’s-expense. Pete’s biggest fear is being perceived as weak. Is that the kind of guy you want in your life?

What it says about you:

If you’re staying with a Pete, you’re doing it out of insecurity. We recommend you dash. Like, today.

Who he falls for: A do-gooder. A sweetheart who mothers him, who won’t give him a hard time about being selfish. That shouldn’t be you.

Characteristics:

Roger’s a fun-lover. He’s always got a joke or a sarcastic quip on the tip of his tongue. Who doesn’t love a guy with a sense of humor? To boot, he’s romantic, but he has a short attention span, and he uses sex to make himself feel less old. He’s hilarious, but at the end of the day, he’s a drunk and a philanderer.

What it says about you:

First off, if you’re with a Roger, you’re smart. You wouldn’t necessarily realize it, but Roger likes brains as much as beauty. He’s got a fast, intelligent mind, and he needs somebody to keep up with him. You’re also a bit of a romantic, so your knees cave every time he takes you out to dinner or whispers sweet nothings into your ear. You don’t necessarily trust him, but you’re willing to overlook it. Dating a Roger is a sticky mess. He has so many loving qualities, but deep down you know he’s too self-centered to stick by you in earnest.

Who he falls for: Beautiful, smart women who make him work to get their attention. Women with personality – someone who can bat a few jokes back and forth without stopping to take a breath. Ultimately, women who don’t want to be with him (ahem, Joan).

Characteristics: Ted’s one of those rare breeds. He’s confident, but not obnoxious. It’s easy to see why Peggy’s into him. Smart, successful, kind. The only thing he could do without are those silly turtlenecks.

What it says about you:

You’re attracted to confident men who act human. Ted isn’t the kind of guy who would bulldoze anyone and anything in his path to get what he wants. He’s legitimately smart, hard working, and not afraid to compliment others. If you’re with a Ted, stay. He’s a keeper.

Who he falls for: A successful woman with smarts and a sense of style.

Characteristics:

Poor Ginsberg can’t catch a break. He’s whip smart, genuinely good-looking, and a total virgin. He has no experience with women at all and so he’s likely to be a little bit like a puppy on a leash when you’re together. There’s nothing wrong with that, it just takes some getting used to.

What it says about you:

If you’re with a Ginsberg, it’s probably because you like how nice he is to you (maybe you’re sick of assholes), and how much he wants to please you. He’s likely to always think of you as his first love. A word of caution: don’t take that responsibility lightly. You’ve got a big role with a guy like this.

Who he falls for: Any woman who gives him any attention. But once he’s yours, he’s yours alone.

Characteristics:

As a politician, it would seem natural for Henry to fall for a trophy wife type. In a sense, that’s who Betty is, it’s all she’s ever known. But Henry doesn’t treat her like that. He loves her, he really does. He’s not the kind of guy who will play games. He’ll call when he says he’s going to call. He’ll ask you before he makes big decisions. If he’s into you, he won’t leave you guessing.

What it says about you:

If you’re with a Henry, it’s because you want stability, even if you don’t quite know it. He’s as stable as they come.

Who he falls for: Women with good morals. He doesn’t much care how you look.

If you’re head over heels in love with a Don, you probably ask yourself why you like this guy so much on a regular basis. First off, you probably know very little about his thoughts or emotions from one minute to the next. He’s not a “sharer” and he’s not a comforter, either. When you ask him questions about himself and his life, he’s likely to say”I don’t remember,” or he’ll ignore your questions altogether. He’s aloof and distant most of the time, except when he’s not. And that – those times when he swoops in for a moment and does something to make you feel like the only woman on earth – is what keeps you falling in love with him. 

Who he falls for:

As Megan Draper has shown us, Don responds to a woman who calls his bluff. If you’re up for a challenge, Don will let you break him. The problem is, he’ll probably still cheat on you. Like we said before, womanizer is his middle name. Good luck.

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PlentyofFish.com is an online dating service, with 50,000 new singles every day. Members are matched to their potential mates by compatibility of personality traits.

There are a lot of specific qualities that we look for in the men we date. Loyal. Honest. Intelligent. One quality that is not so easy to pinpoint until you’re already involved is clinginess. There is definitely a difference between being sweet/considerate and clingy/stalkerish. We have outlined the differences here so you can determine if your guy is legitimately cute or a creep. - Grace Texter

Winking At Me

Cute:

Winking at me across the restaurant or at a social gathering is a cute way to let me know that you are thinking of me.

Clingy:

Winking at me while we are alone in my apartment watching tv is confusing. Why not just verbalize what you’re thinking instead of using body language I have to decipher?

Pet Names

Cute:

Occasionally calling me “Babe” is sweet and affectionate.

Clingy:

Constantly calling me your “Sweet Baby Angel” or “Sugar Plum” is annoying and unnecessary. When it comes to pet names, less is more, or else it can creep into cling-territory.

Sweet Talk

Cute:

Talking to me extra sweetly and gently is a wonderful way to wake up.

Clingy:

Talking to me in your “baby voice” that sounds similar to Elmo is not the way anyone wants to start their day, let alone hear right before getting physical. Ew.

Feeding Me

Cute:

Asking if I want to try your food or offering me the last piece of chocolate is an extremely sweet gesture that I appreciate.

Clingy:

Telling me to eat another piece of pizza after I’ve already told you that I’m stuffed and then insisting that I should eat it because I look hungry… stop. Just stop that. It is extreme-cling behavior.

Sleepovers

Cute:

Sleeping over every once in a while is keep us connected but leaves us wanting more. Absence makes the heart grow fonder!

Clingy:

Telling me that you have to sleep over every night because you can no longer sleep alone is clingy and annoying. If we are not living together, I need some nights to myself. Chill.

Talking On The Phone

Cute:

Shooting me a call occasionally is thoughtful and makes arranging plans a little less confusing.

Clingy:

Calling me three times a day is not only clingy, it is suffocating! Unless you have something urgent to share, keep the calls to a necessary minimum.

Complementing Me

Cute:

Telling me that you love my eyes or my hair looks beautiful is something I love to hear when you mean it.

Clingy:

Telling me that I am an “angel sent from heaven” with “eyes as blue as an enchanted sea” and “hair like fields of golden flowers” makes you seem phoney and insincere.

Like Carrie and Aidan, many couples struggle with the question of taking a break or breaking up. While some consider a break to be an actual break up, others believe a break leaves a couple with some healthy time apart to reconsider their relationship. Here’s a few ways to help determine what direction you’re leaning towards.  -Meryl Lumba

1. Fights

Sookie and Bill of True Blood fought all the time.

Are you fighting over mundane things or fighting over choices that are heavily impacting your lives? In other words, there’s a huge difference between bickering at each other and arguing over what you wish the other would change about him or herself. If you’re fighting over who misplaced the keys, chances are you just need a breather. There’s nothing wrong with taking a break if talking it out just won’t do.

2. Comfort

Glee’s Brittany and Santana broke up shortly after Santana left for college.

Are you uncomfortable or annoyed by your partner’s presence? Time apart can truly help make the heart grow fonder– unless you’re uncomfortable. Your discomfort with him should be addressed: how and why exactly do you feel strange around him? This will help determine what both of you need.

3. Patience

Carrie’s relationship with her other beau, Big, was definitely trying.

Do you want to continue working on the relationship or is it worthwhile? If you don’t think it’s worth it, then a clean breakup is probably worth considering. If you want to work hard to try to mend or strengthen something bothersome about the relationship, taking a break to think about your next move is worthwhile.

4. Boredom

Haley and Dylan from Modern Family are a prime example.

Is the spark totally gone but you don’t want to break up? Perhaps a break can help you appreciate each other. If you think you’ll always find other people attractive or will find yourself in tempting situations with other potential partners, staying in a relationship is simply unfair to both you and your partner.

5. Relationship Status

We all know how messy Ross and Rachel’s relationship was.

If you’re mutually exclusive and have agreed that you don’t want one another to openly date, but need space, a break is in order. Either way, being clear about whether or not your decision is a break or a “break up” and what constitutes each can help you reach a decision. You wouldn’t want your paused relationship status to be inadvertently changed by a misunderstanding.

From the moment our imaginations could take flight with the mere act of reading, we’ve often wished characters were real. We’ve felt what they felt, aspire what they aspire, and cry when they cry. When a novel or series ends, we are faced with the heart-wrenching decision of closing a world that is relative to the reader’s mind- a kind of intimacy that occurs only once in a while- and a secret that can never be fully explained. However, the beauty of print is that our favorite characters are forever preserved, living exactly where we left them and starting their adventures once their stories are revisited.

Here’s our list of 5 male lit characters we wish existed. -Meryl Lumba

1. Balram Halwai

Aravind Adiga’s The White Tiger takes readers to India, in which Balram narrates his life in a memo to a wealthy man in China. This novel explores globalization, social class, and individualism as Balram constantly struggles with the needs of his family (and the poor) and his own needs, which largely symbolizes the disparity of wealth in India. Balram teaches us the importance of necessity and morality, despite his actions, and helps readers learn a few things about themselves.

2. Antoine Roquentin

This protagonist of Jean-Paul Sartre’s Nausea is oddly accessible despite Antoine being a recluse. While not particularly enjoying the company of otther people, he watches their action, trying to find his place among others. Nausea hits him in waves, and he often questions his existence. Ultimately, this work attempts to discuss the difference between being and pure being. Antoine guides the path for philosophical discourse.

3. Jon Snow

Though he’s got a dreamy double for the HBO Game of Thrones series, his novel counterpart is way better. Because George R.R. Martin’s series has multiple points of views (a whopping 31 by book 5), readers get a feel for Jon’s gallant ways- in relation to other characters. Jon’s growth and maturity, despite having been ostracized for most of his life, proves him to be a strong character. His belief in honor can also teach today’s society a few things also.

4. Oskar Schell

9-year-old Oskar of Jonathan Safran Foer’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close takes our audiences across the 5 boroughs of New York. While his innocent goal of finding the lock to match a key from his deceased father, Oskar’s journey is one of self-discovery and healing– and we can’t help but want to take that journey with him too. In addition, Foer’s staunchly bold use of “mixed media” helps readers delve into Oskar’s perspective.

5. Beetee

This underrated character of Suzanne Collins’ Hunger Games trilogy hails from District 3 and makes his first appearance in Catching Fire. Incredibly inventive and intelligent, Beetee often forsees attacks in his surroundings and carefully calculates a game plan. This character’s intuitive ways are refreshing and intriguing. And not to mention, he can help figure out sentences for people who have difficulty explaining things. Who wouldn’t want him by his or her side?