10 Reasons Why Guys Prefer to Date a Feminist

In January, I had the opportunity to interview the renowned “Queen of Mean,” Lisa Lampanelli. When I asked her if she considered herself a modern-day feminist, she quickly came up with a wry remark, “All I know is feminists usually have underarm hair. But, I will say I shave regularly— although I do let the bush grow because you know what? I’m 51-years-old. We didn’t shave it in the old days, and I let it grow now! So, I guess if not having hairy armpits means I’m not a feminist, then I’m not a feminist.”

While LL was too witty and quick for me to formulate an appropriate comeback, I will say that feminists get a bad rep. The age-old assumption is that all feminists are angry, biologically female, hate men and transgender women, and toss around the word “privilege” a lot. Now while those groups of feminists do exist, we’re thinking on a much more encompassing scale– a loose one in which we won’t try to strictly define this ideology. We’re talking about feminists who aren’t afraid to stand up for their beliefs. And not that we need their approval, but here are ten valid reasons why men appreciate, rather than avoid, us:

10. We’re honest

We don’t play mind games. If a guy we’re dating oversteps his boundaries– or says or believes something horribly antiquated–  we say something.

9. We don’t think all men are stupid

Not all feminists have presuppositions about femininity and masculinity. We don’t think all men are incapable of expressing themselves or acknowledging their feelings. Bottom line: we give everyone an equal shot.

8. We’re not victims

It seems that with feminism, there’s this assumption that feminists all have a victim-filled past– one that is directly caused by men, further asserting that feminism is only an ideology about hatred, discrimination, and violence. But we’re not all victims. Sometimes feminism is just about appreciation.

7. We have self-assuredness

We know what we want. We have strong goals, aspirations, and the self-confidence to pursue what we want.

6. We’re independent

Now whether it’s pride or us exerting our self-sufficiency, guys we date know we like to be independent. The playing field– or dating grounds, rather– starts off even, balanced. It’s as simple as that.

5. We’re assertive

This doesn’t mean we’re aggressive or mean. Being assertive means we stand up for what we think, what we believe. We know how we should be treated. We know what we deserve.

4. We promote equality

If we fight for the equality of women’s rights, chances are we also believe in the equality of other demographics. We stand up for human rights.

3. We’re intelligent

This may sound like a stereotype– and it may imply that we are all college educated, but we’re also speaking from a different perspective here: most feminists do a lot of reading, and one can be academic in just how they think and act. In short, a woman knows her rights, and a feminist will stand up for them.

2. We teach guys about feminism

Each person’s experience is different. Some say that women are complicated– but men are equally so! The guys we date might not be aware– at all– if what he is saying or doing is offensive towards women. By explaining these things, they learn more about feminism all the time. And who doesn’t love learning?

1. We have other identities

For the most part, we are driven. Our identities are not solely devoted to the home. Some of us can cook, provide for our families, excel at our careers, want more, and work hard towards maintaining that. Men find a driven, confident woman sexy.

21 Comments

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  • shasta:

    Feminism is ruining dating in America as we know it. All women now think they are higher and mightier then thou and that they somehow deserve restitution from all men lol Go play with ur dildos youll all end up alone or turing lesbo because no real man will put up with that bullsh8t

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  • Alex:

    As a guy I am not incredibly found of feminism but I do like a women with a strong character and personality because it means that she has no problem speaking her mind and giving her opinion on things.

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  • Mark:

    I am married to a feminist. Some of the beliefs are good core values to hold. Other beliefs are non-sense and beg to be scrutinized. The fact that we are married Does show that all feminists are not close minded to common sense. My wife is not unreasonable or unwavering in her beliefs. For example I find it ridiculous that feminists compare there struggle to that of black Americans (slavery) sorry feminists but that’s reaching. So if you find yourself dating a feminist make sure she has the ability to think constructively and then support her the best you can.

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  • Fat Kevin:

    I’m not remotely interested in dating a woman who identifies as a feminist.

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  • Eystein:

    10. We are honest.
    No you are not, you cant be a modern feminist and be for equality and be honest at the same time, its a crime to put modern feminism and equality in the same sentance without a “not”.

    9. We dont think all men are stupid.
    But that it what it sounds like if you read the literature, or listen to the speeches.

    8. We are not victims.
    This is laughable, feminists and victimization is basicly the same thing, the literature explains that men have been oppressing women for millenia, and still does, if you cant see how this is victimization you are delutional.

    7. We have self-assuredness.
    Being bossy and telling others what they should be doing is not the same as self-assuredness, but if this is actually a non-boastfull, genuine self-assuredness that means a calm self controled “feel comfertable in your skinn” kind of thing, this is a very good trait indeed.

    6. We are independant.
    Good, noone likes freeloaders, this is not a positive trait, this is a requirement. Inability to control your own economy and swimming in debt is a pretty bad sign.

    5. We’re assertive.
    I cant speak for everyone here, but I dont find assertive women attractive.
    Standing up for yourself, and how you should be treated is well and good, but at the moment you talk about what you deserve I will back away as fast as possible.

    4. We promote equality.
    If you think this, you need to read more then one side of the argument. If feminists where all about equality, we would be calling them egalitarians, and not feminists.

    3. We’re intelligent
    This is good, intellience is very good, education is also good, provided it actually produces something of value, progresses society in a meaningfull way (like bio science or genetics for example), or fills a role in our economy.

    2. We teach guys about feminism.
    Yes you do, I dated a feminist, that is how I got genuinly interested. I have always been for equality under the law (which we have had since before I was born) But modern feminism is not about that, it is for equal outcome, which means the opposite of rising on your merits.

    1. We have other identities.
    This is by far, by a million miles the best argument you could use. You are more then a feminist, you are a student, a wife, a lowly worker struggling, an engineer making tomorrows new inventions rising on your own merits, not because you were given anything based on your gender. (like being given a job because of quotas)

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  • afsd:

    As a man, I never want to choose to date a feminist. Here’s few reasons why I wouldn’t prefer a feminist:

    1. The term ‘feminism’ itself implies that females are superior to men. Although this argument may be refuted, it is undeniable that there are indeed some irresponsible females who use feminism as an excuse to blame men for anything and everything. Change it to ‘gender egalitarianism’ or something along that line.

    2. Feminists are very sensitive to meaningless sexual jokes (I am not talking about the ones like sandwich jokes) and thus their presence sometimes make me very uncomfortable.

    3. Feminists are often very independent. It leaves no room for interdependence. (Remember, men too are dependent time to time.)

    4. If I date a person who is feminist, it implies that I knew she was a feminist before I even dated or acquainted her, suggesting that she is braggart about her ideological status, which tells me that there is a good chance that she is a female chauvinist. On the other hand, if I got in a comfortable relationship with a woman and found out that she was a feminist, then I wouldn’t mind.

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  • AJ:

    Funny that all commenters here are female.LOL . i will never date a feminist.PERIOD.
    I like paying for dates and making her feel special. Not just me but a lot of guys my age think so too.

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    1. Maggie:

      ha, just because she’s a feminist doesn’t mean she won’t let you make her feel special! You just have to be equal in the relationship, sometimes you can pay, sometimes she might want to- all you have to do is respect her as a person.

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  • Christina:

    Love Samantha. Miss SATC

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  • princess159:

    Opened mind and nonjudgmental

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  • jane14:

    who’s that guy in #9????? damn! lol

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  • jane14:

    Gotta love Samantha Jones!! ;-)

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  • jane14:

    good article

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  • Sapphire929:

    They probably think feminists are too competitive.

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  • Melissa:

    I think a feminist can be all that and more (or less).

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    1. Christina:

      Yes

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  • avatar
    Rita:

    Cool

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  • Shirley Renelique:

    I agree and follow these guidelines but I don’t consider myself to be a feminist. I’m just a female who knows what she wants and deserve. The word “feminist” has been given a bad rap by males as well as females….and feminist too.

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    1. Christina:

      Yup, all kinds of feminism exists. No need for labels.

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  • penelope:

    amen

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  • Crispy:

    word

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