How to Stay Friends with Your Ex
Relationships—no matter how long or short lived—are hard to say goodbye to. Every girl has felt the heartache of a breakup. Though sometimes things don’t work out romantically between former flames, that doesn’t mean that the friendship spark is dead. I’ve had two serious relationships in my life, one ending amicably and one, well, not so amicably, but despite the heartbreak, I still talk to both exes, see them occasionally and even give them advice on their own relationships. If you feel daunted by the idea of being friends with an ex, I’ll fill you in on how I cultivated a strong friendship with a former fling.
-Jinee Son
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Step One: Decide if you want to be friends with your ex.
Everyone’s different. Lots of people don’t have the desire to talk to their exes again and that’s ok. To each their own. But you have to realize what you want and even more so if you’re one of those people who wants nothing to do with a past flame. Think hard and deep, remember the good and the bad times, and decide if it’s really worth it to be friends with him again.
Step Two: Give yourself time.
It’s true that time heals all wounds, whether a scraped knee or a broken heart. It could take months, hell, even years to get over a break-up. Don’t rush it. When you find that you’ve really moved on from the relationship, then it’s time to contact him again.
Step Three: First post-break-up encounter.
Reach out to him in whatever way you feel comfortable. Whether that’s a text, email or a phone call, be kind and ask him how he is. Explain that you wish to meet with him to gradually build a friendship, but totally understand if that isn’t what he wants. You might face no reply or an uncomfortable response saying he doesn’t feel the same way you do but hey, you took the time to speak to him as the bigger person and that takes a lot of courage and maturity.
Step four: Don’t act like their girlfriend anymore.
It can be easy to fall back into the habit of being his girlfriend, but you shouldn’t. That either says you aren’t over him yet or you really can’t just be friends. I admit it hurt a little when I saw my ex-boyfriends with their new girlfriends, but I realized things ended romantically for a reason and then it didn’t hurt so much. If you can’t hang out with him without feeling pangs of jealousy or anger when he talks to another girl, tell him you’re sorry, you’re not ready to be friends. It might seem fickle but you’re human! When you reach the level of true friendship, nothing he says will turn you into a crazed jealous ex-girlfriend and that, my friend, is a beautiful thing!
Girl Talk Time: Do you think you could be friends with a former flame? Would you want to? What do you think about these relationship tips?
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25 Comments
Post a CommentThey should stay as an EX…if it was a hard breakup!
it is hard because it hurt like hell
I dont know I see my ex everyday at school it gets pretty awkward when we run into eachother in the hallway
I feel closer to my ex now then when we dated
I’m friends with a few of my ex’s. Took some time, but there were things those particular men had that I am happy to still have in my life. And if they know well enough, they are quite “frank” about what you may be doing with the next guy that doesn’t work……
I couldnt. Even after almost 8yrs he’s still obsessed.
yes , so true
there are a couple of exes I would not mind being friends with, simply because we really got along and I miss the jokes and laughs with them. However, I wouldn’t go out of my way to contact any of them.
I would not be friends with any of my exes once we break up there is no more communication.
I dont know if I want to be friends…with old bf’s
NO THANX! My X is a weirdo, he lied to the girl he was with about saying hi to me & trying to talk to me. He just likes to bring drama in my life. Hes like a stalker who never breaks away! lol
This is such a sticky topic omg, when ever i hear girls are still friends with their exes is usually means they are still having sex whenever they feel like it, on the booty call list sort of thing. Personally I have kept in contact with an ex and it only complicated things with my current bf…so this does not work for me and it angers me just knowing that my bf ‘s ex even texts or calls him on holidays(which she doesnt anymore), why on earth would i try and fight fire with fire….drama! no thanks
HMM I THINK THAT EVERYTHING WOULD DEPEND UPON THE WAY THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED. TO BE FRIENDS OR NOT TO BE. THAT IS THE QUESTION.
I have stayed friends with my ex, in fact we are probably better friends now, than we ever were while in a relationship with each other. All my friends & family think its wrong that we’ve stayed friends, but we both know that we don’t have “those” kinds of feeling for each other anymore ( I’m married & he’s been with his girlfriend for a few years now…) but we still enjoy each other’s company cause we still have alot of the same interests (in food, music, & other shared friends…) We have both grown up quite a bit too…so I say, why not?
I remain friends with some of my exes but honestly they anger me at times when I do see them, so I try to avoid.
Sometimes it is easy to be friends with an ex – after some time. I am very close to 2 of my ex’s. One is my best-friend (we were friends before we dated). The other one I we hated each other in the relationship. Now we are good friends
very interesting article but i dont think i would want to be friends with my ex
hmm.. interesting but deep down i would not want to be friends with my ex no matter what.
Good article. Time is the #1 one thing with this matter. Try to soon and the feelings are still there. Give it lots of time, after enough time if you guys were originally friends you can eventually be friends again.
I’ve been friends with an ex before.