Relationships—no matter how long or short lived—are hard to say goodbye to. Every girl has felt the heartache of a breakup. Though sometimes things don’t work out romantically between former flames, that doesn’t mean that the friendship spark is dead. I’ve had two serious relationships in my life, one ending amicably and one, well, not so amicably, but despite the heartbreak, I still talk to both exes, see them occasionally and even give them advice on their own relationships. If you feel daunted by the idea of being friends with an ex, I’ll fill you in on how I cultivated a strong friendship with a former fling.
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Step One: Decide if you want to be friends with your ex.
Everyone’s different. Lots of people don’t have the desire to talk to their exes again and that’s ok. To each their own. But you have to realize what you want and even more so if you’re one of those people who wants nothing to do with a past flame. Think hard and deep, remember the good and the bad times, and decide if it’s really worth it to be friends with him again.
Step Two: Give yourself time.
It’s true that time heals all wounds, whether a scraped knee or a broken heart. It could take months, hell, even years to get over a break-up. Don’t rush it. When you find that you’ve really moved on from the relationship, then it’s time to contact him again.
Step Three: First post-break-up encounter.
Reach out to him in whatever way you feel comfortable. Whether that’s a text, email or a phone call, be kind and ask him how he is. Explain that you wish to meet with him to gradually build a friendship, but totally understand if that isn’t what he wants. You might face no reply or an uncomfortable response saying he doesn’t feel the same way you do but hey, you took the time to speak to him as the bigger person and that takes a lot of courage and maturity.
Step four: Don’t act like their girlfriend anymore.
It can be easy to fall back into the habit of being his girlfriend, but you shouldn’t. That either says you aren’t over him yet or you really can’t just be friends. I admit it hurt a little when I saw my ex-boyfriends with their new girlfriends, but I realized things ended romantically for a reason and then it didn’t hurt so much. If you can’t hang out with him without feeling pangs of jealousy or anger when he talks to another girl, tell him you’re sorry, you’re not ready to be friends. It might seem fickle but you’re human! When you reach the level of true friendship, nothing he says will turn you into a crazed jealous ex-girlfriend and that, my friend, is a beautiful thing!
Girl Talk Time: Do you think you could be friends with a former flame? Would you want to? What do you think about these relationship tips?