So Your Ex is Engaged…

With all the engagements and engagement ring close-up photos we saw popping up on Facebook after the winter holidays and during Valentine’s Day, chances are many of you saw the “good news” from an ex on your feed.

Felt a tinge of jealousy, sadness, anger, awkwardness…whatever?

Here’s why and here’s how to handle yourself by Lindsay Kriger of ifonlyiknew.tv!

There is a flickering ember left in nearly every relationship when it’s over. Sometimes this ember is so small, you might not even know it’s there. Unfortunately, all it takes is one tiny ember to start a fire.

A slight breeze—as light as a sneeze—might get that fire going. Or in the case of those dormant relationship embers, that breeze might come in the form of whisperings about your ex planning a wedding (really?). Or, the accidental (yeah, right!) click of your ex’s Facebook page…which announces that their relationship status is now engaged (WTF?).

Even though the break-up might have happened two, five or 127  years ago, you feel as if you’re experiencing that let-down all over again. Suddenly you have this urge to kick your ex in the shins (again).

So let’s analyze this a bit.

I suppose this happens because the human tendency is to value something or someone you cannot have. Plus, there’s the spotty workmanship of a human’s memory retrieval system—which can often wind up presenting you with a list of all the good memories experienced with a person, even though you’ve urgently requested a data collection of all the bad memories.

But mostly, I believe this heavy feeling in the heart occurs because hearing your ex is engaged is the absolute finality of a break-up. It makes it crystal clear that you and your ex will never, ever, ever get back together. Even if you knew this on a conscious level, hearing about your ex’s engagement might be the first newsflash to your subconscious that the relationship is completely, totally done for. You will not be having a Hollywood movie ending—like in The Notebook—where the couple ultimately reconnects.

Recently, a few of my friends found out that their exes had gotten engaged.

“Harold’s getting married,” said Charlotte, “and I haven’t had a serious boyfriend since we broke up. How do you go from wanting to spend the rest of your life with me to wanting to spend an eternity with someone else? I just don’t get it!”

“My ex Sheryl’s engaged,” said Steve. ”I’m trying to find out who this guy is—what he does for a living, how tall he is, if he works out, if he’s funnier than I am—so I can understand why him and not me.”

“My ex high school boyfriend and first love became engaged this past summer,” said Amanda.“When I saw the photo of him with his fiancee, I felt a pit in my stomach. I’m not sure why. I didn’t ever expect us to end up together, but there was always a flirtation still there.”

All of these different reactions share something in common. They reveal a sense of lingering hope.

Now normally hope is a good thing—a very good thing! But sometimes hope can get us into trouble. I know—how can there be “bad hope”? But there is. That tiny ember left glowing within every supposedly burnt-out relationship is an ember of bad hope. Meaning? If you’re really (really!) (really!!!!!!!!!!) over an ex, there should be absolutely no lingering embers of hope.

Also meaning? It was a fortuitous thing when my friends recently found out their exes got engaged. It created the ultimate closure. It closed the door shut, leaving them on the other side of the closed door to start looking around on this side of the terrain for a new and better partner. I believe that on some level these friends of mine might not have been fully ready to move forward into their next relationship if there were still some unfinished embers left in their last relationship.

For me, there are some past relationships that still have stubborn embers smoldering—but there are some that are completely ember-free. For example, my ember-less relationship with David, my first high school boyfriend. Recently my mom texted me that David was engaged. I texted her back, “I could care less”…and I actually meant every one of those 17 characters.

So what do you do if you find out your ex is engaged and need a little extra help snuffing out those embers?

1. Make a list of why this person is not right for you.

2. Ask your friends why they didn’t like this person for you. And whenever possible, try to laugh a lot with your friends about how wrong your ex was for you.

3. Remind yourself if your ex can get married, so can you. Allow their engagement to represent the possibility of the good kind of hope—the hope that you too might soon find your happily-ever-after partner.

-Lindsay Kriger of ifonlyiknew.tv

Lindsay Kriger is a New York University grad with a B.A. in Psychology and the founder of IfonlyIknew.tvthe go-to relationship resource for young women. She has trained with the PAX Mastership and Leadership Program, taught by internationally recognized Relationship Expert Alison Armstrong, and at 23 is the program’s youngest trainee to date. Lindsay has attended numerous seminars on male-female relationships and partnership-building, establishing herself as a relationshipologist and dating guru for young women. She lives in New York City with her dog, Harvey.

GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think? How did you feel when any of your exes got engaged? What do you think of this advice?

81 Comments

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  • Patrica Edward:

    Beware of internet spell caster who are scammers..An amazing testimony on a spell caster who brought my ex husband back to me……….. My Names is Patrica Edward ,AM from United states .i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once when i went to Africa in June last year on a business summit i meet a man called Dr Goodluck, is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love s gone misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job i m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 4weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 3 year i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try and in 6 days when i returned to the state my husband called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my husband’s name and all i wanted him to do well we are happily back now and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help his email address: Drextrapowerghost@gmail.com

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  • Doctor itapu:

    I want to use this medium to tell the world about Doctor itapu who helped me in getting my lover back with his powerful spell, my ex and i where having misunderstanding which led to our breakup though i went to beg her several times to please forgive and accept me back because i know i offended her but each time i went i always feel more deeply in pain and agony because she always walk out on me and would not want to listen to what i have to tell but on i faithful day as i was browsing i came across a testimony of a woman whose problem was more than mine and yet Doctor itapu helped her with his spell so i was happy and also contacted Doctor itapu for help via email and then told him my story but the only thing he said was that i will wipe you tear with my spell so lucky for me everything went well just as he promised and right now i have got my fiance back and we are both living happily. there is nothing Doctor itapu can not do with is spell and just as promise my self i will keep testifying on the internet of how Doctor itapu helped me.Are your problem greater than mine or less i give you 100% guarantee that Doctor itapu will put an end to it with his powerful spell, contact Doctor itapu for help Via email doctoritapu@yahoo.com

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  • Anne Lume:

    Good Day,,, My name is Mrs Anne Lume, Am from United States, I had a serious quarrel with my husband due to my parent, my parent never like him to be my husband, but i love him so much that i will rather die to let him go off me, that was how i met this great man on online whose name is Lord Ferdinard, he told me that everything will be fine that he can do a spell that will make my parent love him and allow me to marry him without any quarrel thoroughly it came to pass my mum and dad love him most than before we are now happy married family,please help me in thanking him for his help, here is the email lordspiritualtemple@gmail.com

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  • Victoria:

    Its like a dream to me now but i can still remember vividly about this same time last year and valentine was approaching my husband started pulling away from me and my 2 kids and finally he decided that he was going to move out of the house and file for divorce.
    This was something i could not take because i had built my whole life around Abel and i could not stand loosing him to another woman so i started making research on how to prevent all this from happening.
    when online and read stories about so many spell caster and laugh cus they all look like fabricated stories but there was this particular story and the lady telling the story left her contact phone number and Email address so i contacted her. she was based in the states and she gave me full details on how dr ekuku brought back her man.
    so i contacted dr ekuku behold after 48 after i provided all he asked for my man came back to his senses and even got me the best valentine gift even which was a red CRV i am so happy to say we are still together till date and now i am even signatory to all his account.
    Pls do contact dr ekuku the great on the following for help.
    Email :ekukutempleofsolution@gmail.com
    Telephone :+2348111957679.
    Name:Victoria Pepple
    Location: USA,ILLINOIS CHICAGO

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  • luck:

    I have many problems in my life and have been to so many spell casters with no results and as a result of this, I ended up in a huge debt.One day I used internet and felt some kind of strange but kind and gentle force as if someone was guiding me to search for spell casters. I can’t remember the words I typed in the search engine but I was directed to priestessmunak And that was it! I felt so lucky to have found spell caster. It all happened so naturally and easily and I am glad it did. No words can express the feeling I had.Despite all the bad experiences I had with FAKE spell casters on the internet in the past, nothing could stop me from reaching my dreams, so I ordered a spell from dr luck I had sleepless nights and was was very worried because I promised myself I won’t approach a spell caster for help but did as it was time for me to help myself, stop crying and stop feeling sorry for myself.I also knew there was someone out there who is capable of helping me contact him on his private mail on drluckspelltemple@gmail.com or call him on +2348154945393

    NUXEL FROM HOLLAND

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  • Eunice:

    We promise to love each other for the rest of our lives, we also plan to get married, but suddenly he broke up with me without saying anything.My heart was broken and i have no where to turn to for help until i meet DR.LOVESPELL.Who was so nice in helping me get my lover back in a flash.I just wanted to say a big thanks for helping me, THANKS YOU.I have tried other spell casters and they failed me,please i advise you not to waste time contact DR.LOVESPELL now before it too late.He alone can help you bring you lover back.(lovespellpower@hotmail.com)tel.no. is +2348104004707.Eunice

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  • Susanne:

    DR.LOVESPELL brought back my lover when others failed he is the best spell caster on planet earth.
    I had contacted several spell casters to help bring back my lover after he left me and my son for 2 yrs and moved in with another woman they usually promise and at the end fail.
    I was on the street and a lady was sharing this hand bill so i collected one and the content was about this spell caster that brought back her lover and also in the hand bill she said she is sharing the hand bill to raise awareness that there are still real spell casters and also as a way to thank the great spell caster DR.LOVESPELL.
    So contacted him and after 24 hrs my whole story changed my husband who had left without any reason came back.I amusing this post as my own hand bill to tell people how great DR.LOVESPELL is and also to share his contact with the whole world.his email:lovespellpower@hotmail.c om for your solutions or call +2348104004707. Susanne

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  • Emiliano Babarah:

    Oh my God, I’m so glad to tell everyone the real thing that happen to me…My name is EMILIANO BABARAH. If i refuse to share this testimony it means i am selfish to my self and to people i love so much whom might have similar problems, March 16th about something 7:23pm after taken our dinner my husband got crazy started calling a lady name Melisa I love you, i was so mad and started crying like a baby…then my husband left home for the idiot called Melisa, and never return back home then i believed when he uthen nderstand his self he will surly come back to apology, but instead he left me So i complained to my friend she told me she was having such problems in her marriage until she was introduce to DR ORIOMON who specializes in bringing back broken homes and broken marriages DR ORIOMON cast a spell for me in May 4th surprisingly my husband came home May 6th apologizing that i should forgive him that it will never happen again, i was so glad and gave the thanks to DR ORIOMON who save my marriage, if you are having similar problem you can contact him and His email address is (oriomonspiritualtemple@yahoo.com) you can still save your marriage if u really love your husband.

    Thanks EMILIANO BABARAH_USA

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  • Danny Wayne:

    I do not know how to thank GREAT VUGA for bringing happiness back to my family. My name is Danny Wayne and i do really wanna tell the whole world that there is a spell caster called GREAT VUGA that is so real and genuine. I never believed in any of these things but when i lose my wife for 4 years, i required help until i found Vugalovetemple@gmail. com A great spell caster, and he cast a love spell for me, and he assured me that I will get my wife back in just 48hours but i was in doubt, and after the spell has been cast, 48hours later, just as the spell caster said, my phone rang, and surprisingly it was my wife who has not called me for the past 4 years, and she made an apology for the pain she has caused me and she told me that she is ready to come back home for me. GREAT VUGA really made her to know how much i loved and needed her. And he also opened her eyes to picture how much love we have to share together. With this testimony right now i am the happiest man on earth and our love is now stronger than how it was even before our divorce and that is why I will keep sharing this testimony all over the world. All thanks goes to GREAT VUGA for the good work that he has done for me. Here is his email address if you are having the same or similar problem contact him now because he is very powerful and he will always help you. Believe him and do all he ask you to do and never doubt him in any way. Contact him now on Vugalovetemple@gmail. com

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  • matt:

    My Girl friend for 9 months left me and went back to her ex because i accuse her of seeing another man. I love her so much that i try every means to get her back because she is my joy and happiness but she refuse coming back. I was not myself for some months until i saw a post of a lady called Verita on how Dr mgavu cast a spell and within 48 hours and the results was outstanding and her ex is back in her arms. After been scam by lot of spell casters promising me false hope not knowing all they really wanted was my money.. I never believe but i love Sarah and i want her back so i ask verita to help me and and hope Dr. mgavu will be able to help me get my Sarah back too.

    I want to express my warmest gratitude to Dr mgavu. I’ll never ever forget all the happiness you gave me. I’m so happy today and am also thanking Verita for posting this early. Dr mgavu, you are truly a man of your word. I highly recommend Dr mgavu to you for whatever problem you are experiencing whether is love, money or psychic powers. He is powerful. You can contact him on drmgavu@gmail.com

    Matt Gordy

    {Reply}
  • Frank:

    so so happy cant keep this to my self must testify so the whole world can know.a year ago had a serious fight with the love of my life and we separated i missed her so much that i tried all means to get her back but it all failed and it even got worst because she even got a court injunction against me not to come close to where ever she and my child are and restricted me from visiting them.

    i saw in a local newspaper a story about how this great spell brought back happiness into a ladies life after years of separation and decided to contact him.he asked for her full name and picture which i gave him and also some materials to cast the reunion spell and after 48 hrs i got a call from her thought i was dreaming until she finally came back home.

    am happy to say we have been to together now for a month and she is very happy being back with me.

    please if you are having any problem in your marriage or your relationship please kindly contact this great man of spell on the following: E-mail ekukutempleofsolution@gmail.com or Tel :+2348111957679.and get you happiness back.
    Frank Edmond From Netherland

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  • Brittney:

    I want to share my great experience to the whole world about how i got my lover back to my arms after we departed for 2 months. i never taught that i could have him back in my life until i met this great man named Priest Essyewa who showed me true powers of spell, Me and Larry Broke up 2 months ago ever since i have not been my self although i have been in several relationship i have not seen who is as good as Larry, so ever since i have been thinking about him, so i had to tell my friend about how i feel for Larry that i wish if i can have him back to my arms, so that was when my friend told me that she was reading a love review the other day when she saw how somebody commented on how she got her lover back with the help of a man named Priest Essyewa. So, that was how i told her to show me the site were she read the reviews so that was how she showed me and i saw so many reviews about this great man how he helped a lot of people even the sick, without wasting anytime immediately i collected his contact and called him and told him what i want, he just laughed over it and told me not to worry that he will come back to me, so, that was how i waited to see what will happen, so surprisingly i got a call from Larry. i was like this is a dream, but later realized that it was reality, Larry was crying and pleading on the phone that he missed me a lot that i should come back to his life, i was like is this real? until he came to my house and went on his knees pleading to me that i should forgive him, so that was how we got united again with the help of great Priest Essyewa and now we are happily married, thanks be onto Priest Essyewa for what he has done for me, if you need his help you can contact him through greatpriestessyewa@gmail.com

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  • Priscilla Elvis:

    Thanks to everybody out there i want to use this opportunity to thank dr uduga for the great thing he has done in my life cos if not dr uduga i would have not be happy right now i and my boyfriend had a little misunderstanding all of a sudden it lead us to a breakup i tried to make him understand me he started insulting me and calling me all sort of names that i should live him alone if i don’t live him now he is going to call the security on me to me out i plead and plead to him but he was still say i should go away from him so after everything had happened i was having no option than to live, i went to met my sister in London when i got there my sister were so surprise to see me carrying a big with me, she shouted at me and ask were am i going i said am not going anywhere is just that i and my boyfriend had a little quarrel she said that is be cos you guys had a little misunderstanding that is why he drove you out of the house she said to that i should not worry about anything that dr uduga will take care of everything i should eat and relax my self so after that day she went to her friend called Maureen to collect the great man`s contact so when she came we called him and explain everything to him and said to me is that all i said yes great one he now said i should not worry my self or think of anything again that my problems are solve,that within 48hour your lover will be back in your arms i didn’t believe him cos i was scammed before but my sister told me to give a try so i let the great man work for me so it was early the morning the other day i meant a missed call on my phone on checking it could you believe what i saw it was my boyfriend`s number and he called me again so i picked the call and he started begging and asking me to come back home that i should forgive him my brothers, sisters and my friends out there help me to thank this great man dr uduga cos right now i am very very happy with my boyfriend we are now in a new apartment thank you very much dr uduga,dr udga you are wonderful and powerful i will let people no that you are real…….if his contact is needed you can contact him with via email:udugatempleofsolution@gmail.com or cell number +2348153592618

    My name is: Priscilla Elvis

    i live in UK

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  • Dayita Rachita:

    Dayita Rachita

    {Reply}
  • Brandy:

    My mouth is full of testimonies, Am BRANDY my husband left the home for three years to SPAIN for a tourist, where he meant this lady and he was bewitch by the girl my husband refuse to come back home again, i cry day and night looking for who to help me, i read a news paper about a powerful spell caster called DR UBA and i contacted the spell caster to help me get my lover back to me and he ask me not to worry about it that the gods we fight for me.. He told me by mid-night when all the spirit is at rest he will cast a spell to reunite my lover back to me. and he did in less than 2 days my husband came back to me and started crying that i should for forgive him, i am so happy for what this spell caster did for me and my husband.. DR UBA if you need any help you can contact him with this email address ubaspelltemple@gmail. com

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  • KATE:

    GREAT SPELL CASTER( DR. SAKURA ) THAT HELP ME RESTORE BACK MY MARRIAGE.
    What a wonderful spell caster that has brought back happiness to my life, I got married to Paul and we loved and cherish ourselves so much but he just woke up one morning saying he needs a divorce I was so damn surprise to hear that statement from Paul the next day I got a letter from the lawyer that I should be in court on the 4th of September I was like how would I start this new month with a court case and as well I was also trying to get a loan which I have been paying for and I need got the loan so then I contacted Dr Sakura after I read lots of reviews about him on the internet I had confident in him that he would surly cancel the divorce and also my loan would be credited Dr Sakura just told me that everything would be sorted out within 48 hours I put all my trust in him because Dr Sakura does not believe in Black magic or Voodoo power he believes in Almighty God believe me within 48 hours the divorce that we where suppose to go to court was canceled and as well my loan which I have been trying to get for 3 years was credited it was a wonderful news and as well my lover came and apologize to me and told the lawyer to will all his properties to me and make everything be in my name and made me had his SSN, and ATM pin jusT to prove to me that he wont leave me for any reason am so happy today and please if you need help just contact Dr Sakura on greatsakurasolutionhome@yahoomail.com or cell number +2348018978213.

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  • Mary:

    Am Mary i am very happy today for what God used Dr Wisdom a great spell caster to do in my life. i had misunderstanding with my husband in the past and so it led to us breaking up for 3 years but one day i saw a post of Mrs Sonia who posted on the internet that Dr Wisdom a great spell caster helped her with a spell that brought her Husband back so i decided to contact Dr Wisdom the great Spell caster to help me and he assured me that my Husband will come back to me luckily today i am very glade to write on this wall that Nick my husband has come back to me as the great spell caster Dr Wisdom said. Do you have a problem with you Husband, boy friend, girl friend, relations or in your office and you think you have lost them?worry no more because Dr Wisdom the great spell caster can help you just as he helped me bring my Husband back okay. contact Dr Wisdom today via email: Giftedspellcaster@outlook.com

    {Reply}
  • helen:

    my name is helen from USA
    i recently had a breakup with my husband about 2 months back. He said we are done that we should move on that he has someone else now. I could not even bear the pain and everything and just so unfortunate, I discovered I was pregnant when me and my ex we going through some big fights. I couldn’t tell him I was pregnant because I knew he would blame it on me. I suffered with the secret on my own and I could not go through an abortion on my own. The funny thing is I discovered that he had two other girlfriends I was not aware of. I know if I could turn back the hands of time I would do it again because i could not suffer everything alone, I almost drop out of varsity because of a guy. On a faithful day after i lost of thought, an old friend told me about a spell DR ODUMDU with this email (landofsolution@gmail) com who could help me restore my love and have my baby in good terms. I sacrifice everything to make sure the spell was done. and the spell was now the savior. his spell brought back my lover after 2days. My joy, love and happiness is restored because of this spell caster him is a great man, my baby comes soon. THANK TO GREAT DR ODUMDU is Mobil number is +2347053319835

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  • EMILY:

    Hello dear readers, My name is EMILY. I am very happy today even as I testify of what DR MAZZONI, a great spell caster has done for me. My lover is back after 6 months of our separation. Thanks to the spell cast by DR MAZZONI. If you have problems with your relationship you can contact him today. Stop weeping and share your problems with him. As he always said to me……..”with DR MAZZONI, there is always a solution”
    Contact him today for real spell casting for any of your troubles mazzoniharold@gmail.com or cell +234810755245
    >>>>>>>>>>

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  • EMILY:

    Hello dear readers, My name is EMILY. I am very happy today even as I testify of what DR MAZZONI, a great spell caster has done for me. My lover is back after 6 months of our separation. Thanks to the spell cast by DR MAZZONI. If you have problems with your relationship you can contact him today. Stop weeping and share your problems with him. As he always said to me……..”with DR MAZZONI, there is always a solution”
    Contact him today for real spell casting for any of your troubles mazzoniharold@gmail.com or cell +234810755245

    {Reply}

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