It’s great that men and women are equal and all, but sometimes women drop everything that makes us “feminine” to get ahead (eek!). We asked author and life coach Christy Whitman (and her girlfriend Rebecca Grado!) if she had any advice about how to keep our careers (and relationships!) going with grace and ease.
Christy Whitman & Rebecca Grado
Christy: CEO and Founder of the Quantum Success Coaching Academy
Rebecca: Marriage & Family Therapist
Co-author of Taming Your Alpha Bitch: How to Be Fierce and Feminine (and get everything you want!)
Christy Whitman International, Inc. & Rebecca Grado
Las Vegas, NV & San Ramon, CA
What inspired you to write this book?
Many women learned that in order to compete in a “man’s” world, they had to deny their femininity and adopt a dominating and forceful manner. And it worked…to some extent. Many women have earned a great deal of success, but they now find themselves more stressed, overwhelmed and on-edge than ever before.
The masculine approach to success has served us well and it was a necessary step in our evolution. Women are now poised to take the next step toward the realization of their full feminine power, but they don’t have the information on how to do it, until now.
We intrinsically know there is something more to be expressed and want more than anything to make the leap from mediocrity to excellence. We know the potential to be wildly successful in all areas of life is there. We deserve to have a thriving career, financial abundance, physical vitality, emotional fulfillment, adventure, romance and anything else our hearts desires. But when most women find themselves coming up short of their full potential in any area, it is only natural for them to feel discontent that ranges from mild apathy to intense frustration.
We wrote Taming Your Alpha Bitch to be the solution to this ever-increasing problem.
Which of the Six laws in your book do you think women have the hardest time utilizing? Why, and what can we do to change that?
The hardest law for most people, especially women, to apply in their lives is the Law of Allowing. We feel a sense of security when we are the ones in control. Giving up control and going with the flow seems counterintuitive to reaching our goals, but it is a necessary step in achieving anything we desire. Control actually restricts the stream of abundance that is always flowing to us. Imagine trying to water a garden with a hose that has a kink in it. The garden doesn’t flourish, and it’s not because there is a lack of water, but because the needed nourishment is temporarily cut off.
Control is the proverbial kink in the hose that keeps us from receiving all that life has to offer. Clenched fists can’t receive gifts. But if we learn to relax and allow things to unfold as they are we’ll be better able to greet the unanticipated with eagerness and enthusiasm.
This subtle shift in perception is at the core of how the Law of Allowing is activated. When we put forth little resistance and allow positive energy to flow easily to and through us, we move from controlling to allowing. From this accepting mindset, we are open to receive that for which we have asked.
Let’s be honest—control only gets us so far, but it has gotten us to where we are, right? We have heard from many successful women over the years that they feel “allowing” equates to passivity, or powerlessness. Allowing is anything but passive and it certainly should not be confused with weakness. Weakness is being so scared of the unknown that we try to fight a battle that is not our to win; strength is keeping our attention focused on those things we can change, while allowing wiser and more capable forces to do the rest.
Here are some tips in applying The Law of Allowing
1. When you feel yourself starting to tense up about something that you perceive is not going according to plan, relax, take a few deep breaths and acknowledge that you are not alone, and that whether you feel it or not, there is an infinitely loving and benevolent universe working on your behalf.
2. As you breath this in, see if you can find the willingness to let go and allow yourself to be led. The more you make this a daily practice, the easier it becomes to feel that Presence around and within you, and the more natural it will be to trust in and surrender to it.
Trust really is the key the activates the Law of Allowing and it a powerful force that disarms many of our anxieties. The more we trust, the less we feel we have to control and the more we activate the Law of Allowing.
How can we use these six principles to change society for the better?
If everyone knew and applied these six universal principles, we would all feel fulfilled. We would be kind and loving to one another, because we would not be driven by fear and anxiety. We would all be more balanced and harmonious because we believed that there was more than enough of everything to go around. We would all decide what we individually wanted to create, know we had the power to create it, and then align with what we wanted. We would feel the sense of power, connection and joy in our lives.
Issues of suicide, bullying and addictions would not exist.
We would accomplish our goals—not by wielding aggressive masculine energy but by drawing upon our authentic feminine power. And that radically changes our entire experience of life. We are every bit as focused, determined and successful as our old way of being, but now we are more relaxed and at ease. Instead of exhausting ourselves and others by feverishly trying to make things happen, we become skilled in the art of attuning our thoughts and emotions with the universal laws that govern manifestation.
How do men often affect women’s lives and what can they do to promote positivity?
Men affect women in all aspects of our lives. We are all energy and can affect each other. When one person in a partnership is taking on more masculine traits, the other has to bring in the feminine energy. Many men have lost sight of what it means to be in their masculine power and that is why they are attracted to Alpha females. When women do not trust their male counterparts they tend to take charge and over compensate.
We hear women complain all the time about their partners, “He is not doing enough and I have to do everything.” We need support from our male counterparts and to be able to count on them for that support. For a woman to step into her feminine power we need men to step into their masculine power so the woman has room to be feminine. When a man is in his full power he is also not intimated by the creativity and strength that a woman has when she is in her power. And when we do tend to go to the role of Alpha Bitch, we need a man to respectfully remind us that we are safe, protected and completely abundant. We need men to be able to speak their truth and speak up when we are being forceful, controlling and even a bit dramatic.
What is the biggest lesson in your life thus far?
The biggest lesson in my life so far is the concept of approving versus accepting. We may have situations that happen in our lives that we will never approve of, but if we can accept them that is when we find our inner peace. I have had many tragedies in my life and this one concept got me through them all.
My sister committed suicide 15 years ago. I will never approve of what she did, but very early on I came to the acceptance that she chose what she chose. That gave me a sense of peace and allowed me to create happiness in my own life.
When my son Maxim was two months old, he was rushed to the emergency room and needed to have open heart surgery. He was in the hospital for a month. During that time I could not approve of what was happening. I could not approve of not having him home with me, my husband and other son, Alex. But, I was able to accept that in order for him to live a healthy life he needed the surgery and time at the hospital to get well. We may never approve of what happens in our lives, but the peace comes in when we can accept those things instead.
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think of this career? How do you get ahead, successfully?