A lot of people come to me with a similar situation: they just figured out that they don’t want to be in a relationship with someone (it could be a someone they’re dating, a friend or even their spouse). Then they ask me how long should they wait to leave.
I always answer their question with a question: “How long do you want to keep suffering?”
You see, there is this idea out there that if we truly love someone that we will sacrifice and suffer for them to “prove” our love. And that if we take a stand and no longer accept or tolerate negative behavior, we are somehow “selfish” or “unloving”.
Finding this balance is key. As my parents, who have been married for 32 years, will tell you—a relationship is never 50/50, many times it’s 90/10 or 10/90. They will tell you that the average is 50/50, but in any given moment it’s not totally equal.
So I am not suggesting that you split the second things get hard. No, no, no. Please do not get that impression. I am suggesting that, however, if things are always 90/10 and one person is giving and giving and the other person is only receiving, or worse, that there is some kind of physical abuse going on…. It is not a testament to how much you love someone if you are constantly giving to them and never receiving love back.
Remember: in order to be able to give love, we have to be full of love. The way to be full of love is to do things that love and honor ourselves, so we feel full, free and have more love to give away. Within a relationship, part of being able to create an environment where you are full is choosing someone who loves you in your power, rather than in your weakness. It’s also about choosing someone who doesn’t make you their Higher Power, but has their own relationship with The Uni-verse and their calling. This way you are not in a relationship with someone who is an emotional vampire; both of you are getting filled from other sources and then showing up for each other from a place of fullness rather than emptiness.
This is a much different situation than constantly giving to someone with no return. That isn’t Love—that’s being in a relationship with an emotional vampire and there is nothing wrong with picking up and walking away, now. Don’t prove your Love to someone by showing how much you are willing to suffer for them; instead prove your Love by showing how much you are willing to Live and be Full WITH them!
Do you feel me? What are YOU going through? Let me know! WhatImGoingThru@TheDailyLove.com
Mastin Kipp is the founder of The Daily Love, a website, daily email and Twitter account that’s merging pop culture with inspiration. He is also the co-founder of Self Approved Clothing, Ltd, a lifestyle apparel company that’s started a global self-esteem movement. The Daily Love has quickly become the fastest growing inspirational Twitter account and email list on the internet and reaches almost 400,000 people daily. Sign up for The Daily Love’s email to receive your daily dose of love>
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think of Mastin’s advice? Are you currently in a toxic relationship? Have you ever been in a toxic relationship? How did you get out?