3 Ways to Prevent Financial Infidelity
A recent Marie Claire article described incidents of financial infidelity that would curl your hair.
One woman had no idea her family was swimming in unpaid bills and eviction notices—until she found a wad of them, stuffed into the lining of her husband’s jacket.
Could this happen in your own marriage? Maybe not. But nearly a third of couples admit they’ve lied about money to their spouses, according to one survey.
It’s less about cash than relationship dynamics, values and expectations, says Barbara Nusbaum, Ph.D., a New York psychologist specializing in money and relationships.
Follow these guidelines to understand yours, and forge a healthier financial connection:
Dig up the past. What messages (verbal and nonverbal) did you get from your family about generosity, earning, spending? What “rules” did you absorb about how to handle money and discuss it? Spouses are often shocked to learn how different their internal blueprints are, Nusbaum says.
Clarify expectations. Articulate your expectations about lifestyle, savings, who handles which money chores, etc. Exploring assumptions can help expose deeply held values.
Stay Involved. Not all money secrets start out as deep deception, Nusbaum says: “The person keeping secrets could’ve gotten stuck, they could be deceiving themselves or there could be mutual confusion.”
The only way to know for sure—and to prevent white lies from turning into a crisis—is for both people to get and stay involved in household money management. And swapping credit reports once a year might not be a bad idea either.
Photo credit: DailyWorth
-MP Dunleavy for DailyWorth
Girl Talk Time: Have you ever lied to your partner about your finances? Has your mate ever hidden money issues from you? How would you handle this situation?
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12 Comments
Post a Commenti think if your married the bills should be handled together. no secrets
I was debt free when I got married, but since then I have raked up a lot of debt. My husband knows I have debt but the amount has never been discussed. When I found out that debt is a form of financial infidelity I started to feel guilty but its a little too late. The damage is done so I’m will try my bets to tackle it without his help.
Even if you married, a women need to handle the bills and stayed 1 or 2 month ahead if possible.
This is such an important issue to address. I was the unfortunate victim of my boyfriend not divulging info regarding finances from a former marriage that created signficant problems for us. It almost led to a break-up– not b/c of the finance issue, but more b/c of the secrecy surrounding the issue. Everyone needs to ‘man-up’ and own their responsibilities. Good, bad or indifferent. There is no future in frontin’…
My husband and I each have a credit card that is for use for our allowance. I don’t see his bill and he doesn’t look at mine. The limits on the cards are low so a huge amount of debt cannot be racked up on them. We decided to do this because this way birthday and anniversary gifts can be a surprise. We set a spending limit on the gifts for the holidays and then use the personal card to pay for them. This has worked for us. There are no money secrets about anything with system.
I agree that both partners must be fully aware of the finances.. even if one person is in charge of the actual payments, deposits, withdrawals, etc.
yea, my boyfriend is terrible with money. If we get married, I’m handling all the finances. I’m not sure why he was never taught it. His parents are divorced so I think his Mom never really taught him.
If someone can’t be honest about money then maybe they aren’t ready for marriage. Marriage is about being an authentic and vulnerable person and accepting that in your mate. Who wants a lifetime commitment to someone who is faking it? Or worse, who wants to hide secrets or wear a mask for the rest of their life. No thanks! Honest really is the best policy in this case.
I’ve always been told to have a secret savings.
Amen to that
I think keeping tiny things on little splurges is ok
nah