A Few Things Kim Kardashian Should Have Considered
Kim, Kim, Kim! K’mon now. But no matter how mind-boggling a 72-day marriage FAIL may seem, and as much as we want to smack them as “media whores who did it all for the money and attention” there are a few real questions I have for Kim that she should have considered before she got married, then promptly divorced.
How did you marry a 26-YEAR-OLD? Kim, okay. I can kinda justify this one. If I was 30, like you were when you met Kris, with no marriage prospects in sight, I’d line up every dude I’d slow danced with since middle school and see what options I had left to get married to and make some babies with. I get that your biological clock was/is TICKING loudly and your sister-with-baby and sister-with-husband kind of make you want to scream.
But, still, KRIS IS FOUR WHOLE YEARS YOUNGER THAN YOU. I’m 25. Four years ago, at 21, I did really irresponsible things. Like drink “loaded beers” (beer tinged with vodka for lack of chasers), and eat a diet of cold pizza, buffalo wings and egg sandwiches (#COLLEGE). I wouldn’t want to date myself four years ago. And guys mature even slower so…HULLO? I am 25 and I wouldn’t marry most 26-year-old dudes I know. Immaturity alarm!
How did you marry someone with the same name as your mother? This is even more priceless because you and your sisters do call your mom “Kris” sometimes.
How did you not consider the financial sitch? Did anyone else see the wedding special and kind of want to reach into the TV and smack both of them when they were fighting about a new house? Kim, you make six mill. Date someone with your size paycheck if you want to go through houses like cheap pairs of panties.
How did you not consider each other’s backgrounds? Kim: “Oh hey, I’m this multi-millionaire, pseudo-famous person from L.A. who gets followed around by cameras.” Kris: “Errrr, drrr? I’m from Minnesota and I played for the loser NJ Nets. Wanna come with?” CAN. NOT. COMPUTE.
How did you marry someone who was so different in height? Kim—didn’t you feel like David the freaking Gnome next to Kris? Maybe it’s just me, but I usually date dudes that I can easily look in the eyes. If I’m too small, I start feeling like I’m a kidnapped child. Maybe you’re one of those women obsessed with having “tall kids,” but I guess having to stand on a step ladder to talk to your hubs got to you or something.
How did you KNOW each other after such a short period of dating? Yes, you were in a rush (see point one). But still, you should wait at least one whole calendar year before even discussing marriage. Move in together and check his living habits. Make sure he does the important stuff, like cut his toenails regularly.
Oh, are you one of those sappy-dappy idealists who says when people get married they JUST KNOW?! If I hear someone say that ever again I will personally call the producers of E! and ask them to be put on any of the Kardashian shows. What, does some kind of marriage bug bite you in the ass or give you an all-knowing rash like you’ve got BED BUGS so you “know” that a person is the one? Is it like getting your first period? No, it’s not. It’s about taking time and getting to know the person.
How did you not listen to your sisters? And by sisters I mean Khloe. Kourt is usually too busy dealing with her two children (1. Scott Disick, 2. Mason). But, ah, Khloe is the voice of REASON. Khloe is blunt and honest and often smacks people’s butts as a form of affection. She is my favorite—and she told ya so.
How did you NOT have fun at your own wedding? Sooooo maybe my future wedding won’t be covered by E! But if my wedding WAS covered by any sort of TV network/tabloid/website, I’m pretty sure I would have danced with Mario Lopez to the Saved by the Bell theme instead of changing into three dresses. (In my dream, Mario Lopez is invited to my wedding, too.) Kim, you looked gorgeous in every dress you wore, but I didn’t see you clowning around, acting like an idiot in love. That’s what I wanted. After seeing all your stressful planning, I wanted you to relax and SMILE.
Which leads me to my last question for KK…HOW was it so bad that you didn’t even try to work it out? See a counselor? WTF.
Photo credit: cnn.com
-Cait Rohan
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think of Kim’s wedding flop? What do you think makes a good marriage? What advice do you have for Kim now? Do you love or hate the Kardashians?
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46 Comments
Post a Commenti am so OVER them! i have never been a fan of the kardashians but after that stunt and the father stunt im just done. they are all money hungry grubbers and the mom is the worst of all
They are both idiots!
I don’t follow the Kardashians one a regular basis or go out of my way to find out information, but I thought this article might be humorous… not so much. This really just sounds like someone ranting and paying too much attention to another person’s life. Focusing on what is happening in your own life is much more important in my opinion.
some of these reasons are ? like the height difference had anything to do with their demise…how about they should have figured out where they would live beforehand, how they would handle money, if they wanted kids and when. When Kris’ defiance poked out its little head Kimberly should have walked away…oh well you know what they say “love is blind” really blind…
Hey Marie,
As you’ll notice from the tone of the piece, it’s meant to be snarky and sarcastic. I’m not a relationship expert/couple’s therapist, so it’s just my meant-to-be-funny take on things.
That said, I do include financial information/things about their backgrounds on here. Enjoy!
I CONCUR!! You hit the nail on the head, Is there any way Kim could read this i think she needs the insight.
She should not have married him in the first place. He is disgustingly nasty, immature, a social misfit and he tosses her around like a rag doll! If a guy burped in my face on a date, it would be the last. I would never eat out of his mouth and he should never expect anyone to allow his dogs on the bed. There was no respect at all!!!!!
marta p has it right. this “marriage” was bs from the announcement. Kim is shallowness personified and has no talents whatsoever. Kris Jenner is the biggest stage-parent since Joe Jackson and we all know how that turned out.
P.S. to the author – you think FOUR YEARS is an insurmountable age difference? jeez.
Hey sunnytam–
I meant that he’s 26 and she’s 30…that’s LIGHT YEARS of a difference in my opinion. I can’t imagine most of the guys my age married and I’m 26. When you’re in your mid-20s, 30 seems waaaay old.
This article is absolutely hilarious! I have no sympathy for Kim. She seems to be the most superficial and only inspired by publicity. So much that it prevents her from having a “real” life. I’m not a fan of her show, and never have been… I’m not even sure why they need a show. Maybe she should circle back for Ray-J, since she has him to thank for her popularity and fame.
There’s just something about most of the Kardashian clan (Khloe is actually wonderful– brash, honest, and not a total fame whore) that I can’t stand, and I think this ridiculous wedding was part of it. I don’t think Kris Jenner was behind the scheme, but she had her hand in it and never seriously addressed Kim about honoring the sanctity of marriage– though she has plenty of thoughts about Kourtney’s choices and is constantly on her for not marrying Scott (clearly not marriage material, much less dating material).
Anywho, back to the heart of this matter…. Kim was never ready for marriage and quickly jumped on the next possible train. She is just too self-involved and annoying, which are not traits of someone you want to live the rest of your life with. Then there’s Mr. Humphries… I’m thinking this was all about the money and fame for him, seeing as he never really came off as sincere and was always trying to come-off as funny and loving, when he just looked like an idiot. In short, I don’t buy the Kourtney & Kim episodes post-wedding, because they make it look like it’s all Kris’ fault for letting the marriage, when both parties are guilty of this.
If I had to advise Kim, I would just tell her to move on and not let this define her for the rest of her life… And actually get to know your next soon-to-be-husband, and if necessary, get help if that relationship begins to sour.
*fault for letting the marriage fail
so ridiculously pointless
ughhh
I think she became in love with the idea of marriage and he was just her stand in, just because her mother and Khloe married quick doesnt mean it was in the cards for her.
I agree that she was in love with the idea of finally having her dream wedding. The sad part is if she does finally fine the “dream man” she will have to come up with another wedding that may not compare
i think she was in over her head. she sees what kourtney and khloe have, and she wants it to. anddd i think her mother puts pressure on her. ive seen in few episodes that Kris can be crazy. i think she jumped in way to fast, and now shes paying for it
Honestly, I stopped reading after the first paragraph, mostly because I realized that her story is not worth my time. Getting OMG points, however, is!
The marriage was really stupid. Seriously, did they think that they’d be together forever? Till death do us part? Get real, Kim.
She did it for more fame and free money
My grandma gave me the rundown on Kim. She said”it was a 10million dollar wedding that lasted for 79 days. Yep grandma soooo nosey. Kim has money like that to spend.
I agree. She didn’t marry for love. She met the guy last December and then jumped the gun to have a big wedding. He’s not working because of the NBA lockout and she should understand that. She’s selfish and wants the attention.
Kim Kardashian is pathetic. I used to be a fan but she really effed up with this one. She has not handled the divorce situation well (and she’s not stupid, I mean who knew a big butt and sex tape could get one and their family so far). She should never have gotten married just for money and because she was desperate to get married. She needs to learn to be on her own (stop letting her mom control her) and let love come naturally instead of trying to force it with whoever comes along. When there is real love, you work things out and stick together. Marriage is forever not until you get pissed off and bored and made all the money you could pimping your relationship out for the whole world to see.
I am so NOT surprised!!! It’s always about her. He got caught up in the Kardashian environment.
it all happened too fast, slow down and get to know the other person… kinda hard when you have a camera in your face 24/7.