Shecky’s

True love can be all-consuming—and sometimes it’s a good thing to lose yourself in another person, so long as it’s all happy. But what about ‘true love’ gone bad? In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, one Staffer tells us how a tough relationship made her stronger.

“Like every other little girl, I ate up every Disney movie and love story, flagging everything for use in my real life when I got older. But I guess that whole ‘damsel in distress’ ‘Prince Charming’ deal and a skewed notion of ‘ever after’ actually did me wrong.

My first serious relationship spanned from the end of high school to the middle of college. My experiences before that had been one week to three-month flings, or lusting after unattainable hot older dudes. When I finally got myself an unattainable hot older dude, I fell head-over-heels, cue the cheesy ‘Someday My Prince Will Come’ tunes in love. And it was fairly fairy tale for a year—we were best friends, and everything was amazing. I was his hot younger girlfriend and he made me feel absolutely perfect. I was convinced we were soulmates.

But a year in, something changed. It was as if Prince Charming turned into a male version of every bad witch all at once. Cue the constant fights and abuse when Prince Charming started calling me ‘stupid,’ repeatedly told me I was ‘crazy’ and berated me for being ‘so young’ (he was a year and a half older than me). Fairy tale fanatic that I was, I always forgave him after an outburst. I’m embarrassed to say that I was usually the one who begged him to come back.

Why? I couldn’t let go of the notion that love always had to mean a happy ending. So, when my Prince tried to screw up my ever after and leave, I hung onto his carriage until he came back to my make-believe happy kingdom. True love and happiness always takes drastic stuff—fighting dragons, having all-night screaming contests—all for that happy ending, right? Part of the problem was also when I acted less than my perfect Princess self. I tried to have ‘serious’ and deep life talks, he changed the subject. If I talked to his friends, I was flirting. If I didn’t talk, I was a snob. Oh, and there was the drunken night in college where I got really sick and he refused to come pick me up—he acted like I was a misbehaving child who needed to be punished. Still, I was convinced that our love was forever and going through all these problems would only make us stronger in the end.

Until, like Snow White, I finally woke up and the poison stopped. I’m pretty sure my soulmate wouldn’t call me fat, hate my friends or make me cry as often as he did. I, like so many women out there who have gone through a horrible and abusive relationship, try not to blame myself for staying with him as long as I did. I try to not feel embarrassed for running after him all those times…but it’s hard. Yes, I was young and it was a long time ago, but some days I still feel pathetic for what I did, although I now know it’s not my fault.

The bright side is, this whole toxic love ordeal ended up giving me the strength I’d always hoped to find together with him. Today, I am so far from playing the damsel in distress. I’ve dumped guys at the first sign of douchebag. I’m one tough cookie when it comes to standards. I’m dating a guy who laughs at my stupid, quirky jokes, holds my hand and actually listens when I talk about serious stuff, plus he likes me for just being…me. And believe me, there’s nothing more fairy tale than simply ‘playing’ yourself.”

GIRL TALK TIME: Have you ever been in a bad relationship? Had a fairy tale romance go way wrong? What happened? How did you get out of it?

If you or a loved one is being abused, don’t be afraid to speak up. Confront them, get help or contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline or the Abuse Victim Hotline. Your friend (or yourself) will think be grateful in the end.