Dating a Guy from the Other Side of the Tracks
We like to think we live in a classless society, but the harsh truth is that class divides still remain. And nowhere can this be a bigger issue than in our dating lives, where intimate topics like lifestyle and finances can sometimes make or break a relationship.
I realized I had been dating within my class when I started seeing my ex-boyfriend. Before him, I had never noticed a spending disparity between myself and my exes. But with this guy, it was a whole different story. I was painfully aware of his wealth every time we went shopping together and he could blow $5,000 on a jacket, or when he didn’t flinch at an expensive restaurant bill. Not to mention his casual name-dropping of famous family connections and multiple homes. But none of this was exciting or impressive. In fact, it was downright unsettling.
The moment I remember most clearly was near the end of our time together. I had referred to someone I knew in passing as “rich.” He held up his hand and said, “Oh, honey, no. We don’t say rich. Cake is rich. We say wealthy.”
I was too shocked to say anything. It was more than just a word choice, or a salary gap between us. It was a divide in cultures and backgrounds, in expectations and habits.
Though our class difference was not the main reason we stopped seeing each other, it was certainly a contributing factor. I was intimidated by his lifestyle and bank account, and never felt we were truly equals. At times I even felt blatantly condescended to, which left me frustrated and insecure.
I know more than a few Cinderella/Cinder-fella success stories exist, and I still believe two people can be compatible and fall in love no matter their bank statements. But shared backgrounds and experiences are important foundations for a relationship, and in this case they were a big, fat wedge.
My major mistake was keeping my insecurities bottled up and letting them fester. Perhaps dating on the other side of the tracks would be easier if discussing class-related differences wasn’t so taboo in our society. Because, let’s face it: class disparities exist, whether they’re between Main Street and Wall Street, or our own bedroom sheets.
-Megan Willett
Girl Talk Time: Have you ever dated someone wealthier than you? Less well-off than yourself? Do you think these types of relationships are common? Do you think they can be successful?
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15 Comments
Post a CommentWow it tough to be you.
girl just take baths and use dareoodnt just be cool and your self around the opposite sex
A lot of people say opposites attract. I have been it a similar situation where the guy would always correct my choice of words. He would also have a commenraged about how slow I consume my food.
just b uelsrf and try to stay cool…..use lots of deoderent and use like body splash or something like that, that smells excellent.
I’ve never dated a guy who was rich,but I think someone’s background shouldn’t matter.
Before I got married I lived in the lap of luxury, my dad was very well off . I married a guy who didn’t have money , I loved him to death for how he was. I had faith in myself being educated and in my husband that we will make it with hard work . people gave us six months after we got married. Our hard work together and our faith in each other conquered everything and now we are living a pretty comfortable life where I have everything that most people desire.
I have had the pleasure of dating within, above and “below” my class. I must admit that each and every experience was full of the same fun and pitfalls! The deciding factor is not the wealth of the person I choose to date, but the amount of the fun and smiles I get from the relationship. Yes, being able to enjoy the perks of dating a wealthy man is a plus, but I have experienced the most joy from dating men with same or smaller bank accounts…as we get older its about the fun times. I’ve learned to be my own “sponsor”.
I’ve dated people that don’t have as much formal education i.e. dropped out of college. I think it’s more about things in common than anything else. We had different values too.
dating someone wealthy sounds fun until it actually happens. It would probably make me insecure.
never been in this situation
i’ve never been in a relationship like this , but i’m sure it could work, if both people had true feelings for each other.
Never really dated anyone that different when it came to “wealth” but I do know some that are.
wealthy not rich? wow :0
Never been in this position (sadly). From my years of seeing local society goings-on and reading upper-class mags (Nob Hill Gazette, Gentry, Town & Country), I know that the rich — er, wealthy live in a very different world from you and I. (They shop at Goodman & Bergdorf, I shop at Goodwill.) That insight has at least helped me in my nonprofit volunteer duties when interfacing with, well, not the truly wealthy, but at least the very well-to-do.
I have never dated anyone wealthier than I. I want to say when ever I have dated that individual and myself were on the same level of wealth but I do think they can be success if an individial is wealthier than the other. It depends on the person’s personality.