Shecky’s

QUESTION:

Sent via our form: “All right, guys! How do you REALLY know she’s the one you’re going to marry?”

ANSWERS:

Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>

You’ll actually never know. Why? Because marriage isn’t the answer, especially nowadays. In the olden days, men would marry women because there was that whole “no sex until marriage” thing. Today, there are lots of ladies who put out with no promise of a ring in sight. So, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?

Right now, 40 is the new 20, which makes 80 the new 60, which means that maybe, just maybe, when I’m in a nursing home playing Bingo and Shuffleboard for shits ‘n’ giggles, maybe then I’ll consider “marrying” some old lady with the least saggy body parts. Only because at that point I’ll be old and bored.

Mr. Loverboy Rocker SEE BIO NOW>

When you’re getting old, wrinkled and fat, and realize that the lady you have is the best you’re gonna get!!! Kidding.

I think one can be ready only after having lived with his or her loved one long enough to realize that he or she can’t picture being with anyone else. The relationship must be healthy, and the degree to which love is experienced must be equal for both. I think your lover being compatible on a friendship level is also crucial. You need to be able to know you will never get bored of each other.

I think it’s important for your partner to always push you and support you in pursuing things important to you and vice versa. There can be no hindrances in the pursuit of one’s own goals and dreams. It’s important never to rush the decision as well, so it may be important to live with your lover long enough to know neither has anything to hide or any problems with the other’s habits and lifestyle. Traveling extensively together is another good way to learn about each other and determine if you can stand each other forever. Both of you need to be infinitely comfortable and open with each other and trust each other as you would trust yourself.

Also, you need to have similar views on raising children, if you even choose to, how to do it, etc. I know I won’t be ready to marry until all this criteria is met, or at least until my girlfriend’s visa nears expiration! You also have to remember that you will be a very different person in 10 or 20 years. Emotions, feelings and outlooks may change, so love your partner unconditionally before committing.

Mr. Young and in Love SEE BIO NOW>

You ladies ask the tough questions, don’t you! I think the best advice I ever heard on the subject was this: “Don’t marry someone when you LOVE them. Marry them when you LIKE them.” Anyone can fall in love with someone—a few nice dates, her wearing a pretty dress, him buying her flowers—and it can seem like the magical fairytale that you’ve always wanted. But marriage isn’t like that—95% of the time you’re probably doing rather mundane things with your partner, like watching Netflix, ordering Chinese food or cleaning the bathroom. But if you can both enjoy each other’s company during these more normal aspects of life, then you’re onto a winner.

I also think you know she’s the one if you can like and love her during her imperfect moments. If she still looks beautiful while lying in bed wearing baggy pajamas without any makeup on, or if you find the way she takes forever to eat her food cute instead of annoying like everyone else, that’s a good sign. And the last thing—I think it just needs to be easy. If you are constantly bickering about stupid things that ultimately don’t matter, it’s probably not going to last. But if everything you do together feels natural, normal and easy, there’s a pretty good chance she’s the one.

Mr. Loves Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>

She’s a lady in the street, but a freak in the bed? Best boobs? Best hair? Most money? She’s pregnant and it IS yours? Most willing to have a threesome? (See last week’s Q&A!).

Well, probably none of that stuff. Most likely, it comes down to timing and the old 80/20 rule. The timing part is pretty straightforward—you are both “ready” for a long-term relationship. You have been around for a while, have had your fun, have established your career, and are ready to settle down with someone and maybe even start a family.

Once the timing is right, then the 80/20 rule comes into play. The rule says that you have met someone who you get along with about 80% of the time and you have dated long enough to know that, although the 80% will decrease sufficiently slowly over time, you can sustain a relationship that spans many years. Be careful here, I know people who have been married for 40+ years! Unfortunately, I have a feeling that you “really know” about seven years into the marriage….

GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think? Are you married? Has your guy ever shared how he knew you were “the one”? What makes someone “the one” for you? What do you think of the guys’ answers?

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