I Cheated. Should I Tell My Boyfriend? How?
QUESTION:
“I cheated on my boyfriend, but I still really love him. It was a one-night stand thing and I really didn’t mean it. I will never do it again and I feel really guilty.
I want to be with my boyfriend forever, but I also want to be honest with him. Should I tell him or keep it a secret? If you think I should tell, how should I do it? I don’t want to lose him.”
ANSWERS:
Mr. Loves Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>
The easiest way to fix this is to jump in your Delorean, activate your flux capacitor, go back in time, and NOT CHEAT! Of course, as far as we know, that is only possible in the movies.
So, some realistic things to consider are—for starters, what you want out of your relationship. Maybe you need or want an open arrangement or a “swinger” approach. There are plenty of couples out there who thrive in this type of setting. You’ll need to lay out the ground rules for things such as frequency, what is allowed (sleepover vs. get out!), protection, disclosure, etc… But if you are really looking for a “committed” relationship, it is likely that “cheating” was not expected.
You must also ask yourself, “Would I want to know if he cheated?” And, “What would my reaction be in the same scenario?” If you do decide to tell him, expect the same reaction, quid pro quo. Moreover, expect that he will not trust you for a very long time. Maybe even for the remainder of your relationship. Even if it lasts 50 years.
Also: If you keep it a secret, will you be able to live with yourself? If you keep it a secret, will he eventually find out? Know that if he does, your relationship is definitely over. Finally, keep in mind that, “The truth shall set you free.” And, while this truth may set you a little bit freer than you had planned, I still think it is better than living under a cloud of secrecy.
Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>
Keep that shit to yourself. If and I do mean if, you really do want to be with him and him only, there is absolutely nothing to gain from telling him what you did.
On the other hand, I think you’re fooling yourself about not being a cheating ho. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve never cheated on a girl I was in love with, but I have cheated on every girl I wasn’t in love with. If you’re a guy and you’re in love and she’s the one, you keep it in your pants no matter how hot the temptress might be. If you’re a girl who cheats, either you’re a nympho ho who can’t keep it out of her pants or you really don’t give a damn about him.
Just put the relationship out of its pain and end it. I don’t believe in slip-ups. Be honest with yourself, sleep with whomever you want and be happy. That’s what I do, and I’m having a great time.
Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>
This is a slippery slope question. No one wants to believe that their partner would be capable of cheating on them and keeping them in the dark, whether it’s a one-time thing or a weekly affair. That being said, there are probably plenty of relationships out there where a partner made a one-time mistake, kept it a secret, and went on to have a healthy monogamous relationship.
Therefore, you have to gauge whether you can live with this secret and move on. If the answer is no, then I’d say it’s a toss-up whether the guy will stay with you or not. If you tell him, don’t include details, but do explain why you think you are a great couple, and how you think you can both put this in the rear view and move on.
Mr. Young and in Love SEE BIO NOW>
So what you’re asking is: “How should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him without him breaking up with me, or should I just not bother telling him?” It seems like you’re looking for a way to get out of doing something horrible without any consequences.
That said, I think you have to tell him, because these things will ALWAYS come out eventually, and it’s better to be a cheater than a cheater and a liar (albeit only slightly). Whatever you do, don’t be patronizing when you tell him. Don’t cook him his favorite meal or be unnaturally nice in hopes of softening him up, because that’ll make things infinitely worse. Just sit down with him, tell him, and have a proper discussion about WHY you cheated on him (because even though you said it was a one-night stand, there must be an underlying issue in your relationship that caused you to stray).
But you’re going to have to accept that you’ve done something terrible and there’s fair chance he’ll break up with you for it—that’s karma. However, if you don’t tell him, you’re lying to him in order to be with him, which shows that you don’t love him at all.
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65 Comments
Post a CommentI think that you really need to tell him. Let him decide if he wants to move forward from it and continue the relationship. I don’t know how your relationship is- but if you are capable of cheating, maybe he is too. It sounds like your relationship isn’t strong enough (hence you cheating). Maybe you need to look to yourself for the true answer. What would make you cheat? Do you feel that something in the relationship is lacking?
Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can hide this from him -he will find out (you didn’t cheat with yourself, you cheated with another person -can you trust that Mr.onenightstand won’t tell anyone?) It’s a small world out there and whether its next month or 10 years after you’re married, he could find out anytime. Plus, it’s not fair. You’re dealing with not only his life (and health) but also your own. (and if you choose not to tell him, at least have the decency to go get checked and make sure you don’t have anything that you could pass to him) It’s your future that you will have to life with. Cheating is the ultimate trust killer and you have def. killed the trust. Just learn from the lesson and move on. Find someone that fulfils all of your desires and you will never feel compelled to cheat on them . I hope the best for you in whatever decision you make!
I don’t believe in cheating. If you decide that you want to fool around with someone else, get out of the relationship you’re already in.
I have been with my bf now over 6 years. I love this man and cherish what we have, being so I think of things that dangers relationships and of course cheating is one of them. I think how horrible it would be if I did so but moreso, how he’d feel if I kept it from him b/c we have spoken about people not working things out when such occurs. So you say you love him and forever is def. what you want. I think you should tell him. Maybe you should also show him this that you posted asking for feedback.
Good Luck and if he’ll need space to deal with this- let him have his space
First, do you think this relationship will last, and what do you want out of it? Honesty is key if you’re committed to this relationship. Second, how will he react if you tell him? If he has violent tendencies, keep your mouth shut and walk away. But if he’s a resonable person, fess up and see if he forgives you. If he doesn’t then move on to the next fellow and try to stay faithful this time.
Its just something you need to decide…I’ve always believed the truth will come out eventually …besides it being the right thing to do. He may decide to end it with you if he feels he can’t get past the dishonesty factor portrayed by you or he may get past it and it may take time but at least it’ll be out in the open. either way…just be honest. With him and yourself.
I know it happens… “Only happened once and I’ll never do it again.” More power to you if you can stick to that. But lets be real, if you really love someone you would never think or disrespect the person you love like that. Not even once. People make mistakes. One mistake okay, but if it continues it’ll evenually come out or show itself. Hopefully this girl didn’t have unprotected sex. Eeekkk!
WOW, THAT’S A BIG ONE. THOUGH, WE ALL MAKE MISTAKES AND SOME WORST THEN OTHERS. I THINK SOME OF THE FELLOWS ARE CORRECT. THAT YOU SHOULD TELL HIM IN A KIND WAY THAT YOU BOTH HAVE THE UNDERSTANDING IF HE HAD DID IT YOU WOULD NOT BREAK UP WITH HIM. COMMUNICATION IS THE BEST THING IN A RELATIONSHIP. BUT ALSO IS HONESTY AND WHEN YOU FAIL, YOUR PARTNER SHOULD BE THERE TO PICK YOU UP. WRONG OR RIGHT…… EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES. NO ONE IS PERFECT. BUT WE MUST LEARN HOW TO FORGIVE THINGS THAT ARE UNCONTROLLABLE TO OUR FLESH…. IT HAS BEEN BLEMISHED, TARNISHED AND ALL WE CAN DO IS ASK FOR FORGIVNESS AND MOVE ON TO BETTER THINGS. THANKS MS DE
I think she needs to tell her bf the truth, because over time, the guilt will eat away at her.
If your gonna cheat, just bust out and leave. Just don’t commit yourself. It’s like setting yourself up to fail .But some people love the drama
Why cheat with someone that is not worth cheating with when you have somethuing good at home.