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“I cheated on my boyfriend, but I still really love him. It was a one-night stand thing and I really didn’t mean it. I will never do it again and I feel really guilty.
I want to be with my boyfriend forever, but I also want to be honest with him. Should I tell him or keep it a secret? If you think I should tell, how should I do it? I don’t want to lose him.”
Mr. Loves Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>
The easiest way to fix this is to jump in your Delorean, activate your flux capacitor, go back in time, and NOT CHEAT! Of course, as far as we know, that is only possible in the movies.
So, some realistic things to consider are—for starters, what you want out of your relationship. Maybe you need or want an open arrangement or a “swinger” approach. There are plenty of couples out there who thrive in this type of setting. You’ll need to lay out the ground rules for things such as frequency, what is allowed (sleepover vs. get out!), protection, disclosure, etc… But if you are really looking for a “committed” relationship, it is likely that “cheating” was not expected.
You must also ask yourself, “Would I want to know if he cheated?” And, “What would my reaction be in the same scenario?” If you do decide to tell him, expect the same reaction, quid pro quo. Moreover, expect that he will not trust you for a very long time. Maybe even for the remainder of your relationship. Even if it lasts 50 years.
Also: If you keep it a secret, will you be able to live with yourself? If you keep it a secret, will he eventually find out? Know that if he does, your relationship is definitely over. Finally, keep in mind that, “The truth shall set you free.” And, while this truth may set you a little bit freer than you had planned, I still think it is better than living under a cloud of secrecy.
Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>
Keep that shit to yourself. If and I do mean if, you really do want to be with him and him only, there is absolutely nothing to gain from telling him what you did.
On the other hand, I think you’re fooling yourself about not being a cheating ho. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve never cheated on a girl I was in love with, but I have cheated on every girl I wasn’t in love with. If you’re a guy and you’re in love and she’s the one, you keep it in your pants no matter how hot the temptress might be. If you’re a girl who cheats, either you’re a nympho ho who can’t keep it out of her pants or you really don’t give a damn about him.
Just put the relationship out of its pain and end it. I don’t believe in slip-ups. Be honest with yourself, sleep with whomever you want and be happy. That’s what I do, and I’m having a great time.
Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>
This is a slippery slope question. No one wants to believe that their partner would be capable of cheating on them and keeping them in the dark, whether it’s a one-time thing or a weekly affair. That being said, there are probably plenty of relationships out there where a partner made a one-time mistake, kept it a secret, and went on to have a healthy monogamous relationship.
Therefore, you have to gauge whether you can live with this secret and move on. If the answer is no, then I’d say it’s a toss-up whether the guy will stay with you or not. If you tell him, don’t include details, but do explain why you think you are a great couple, and how you think you can both put this in the rear view and move on.
Mr. Young and in Love SEE BIO NOW>
So what you’re asking is: “How should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him without him breaking up with me, or should I just not bother telling him?” It seems like you’re looking for a way to get out of doing something horrible without any consequences.
That said, I think you have to tell him, because these things will ALWAYS come out eventually, and it’s better to be a cheater than a cheater and a liar (albeit only slightly). Whatever you do, don’t be patronizing when you tell him. Don’t cook him his favorite meal or be unnaturally nice in hopes of softening him up, because that’ll make things infinitely worse. Just sit down with him, tell him, and have a proper discussion about WHY you cheated on him (because even though you said it was a one-night stand, there must be an underlying issue in your relationship that caused you to stray).
But you’re going to have to accept that you’ve done something terrible and there’s fair chance he’ll break up with you for it—that’s karma. However, if you don’t tell him, you’re lying to him in order to be with him, which shows that you don’t love him at all.
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think? What would you do in this situation? Have you ever cheated before? How did you tell…or did you not tell at all? What happened? Has someone ever cheated on you? Share now!
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