I Cheated. Should I Tell My Boyfriend? How?

QUESTION:

Sent via our form:

“I cheated on my boyfriend, but I still really love him. It was a one-night stand thing and I really didn’t mean it. I will never do it again and I feel really guilty.

I want to be with my boyfriend forever, but I also want to be honest with him. Should I tell him or keep it a secret? If you think I should tell, how should I do it? I don’t want to lose him.”

ANSWERS:

Mr. Loves Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>

The easiest way to fix this is to jump in your Delorean, activate your flux capacitor, go back in time, and NOT CHEAT! Of course, as far as we know, that is only possible in the movies.

So, some realistic things to consider are—for starters, what you want out of your relationship. Maybe you need or want an open arrangement or a “swinger” approach. There are plenty of couples out there who thrive in this type of setting. You’ll need to lay out the ground rules for things such as frequency, what is allowed (sleepover vs. get out!), protection, disclosure, etc… But if you are really looking for a “committed” relationship, it is likely that “cheating” was not expected.

You must also ask yourself, “Would I want to know if he cheated?” And, “What would my reaction be in the same scenario?” If you do decide to tell him, expect the same reaction, quid pro quo. Moreover, expect that he will not trust you for a very long time. Maybe even for the remainder of your relationship. Even if it lasts 50 years.

Also: If you keep it a secret, will you be able to live with yourself? If you keep it a secret, will he eventually find out? Know that if he does, your relationship is definitely over. Finally, keep in mind that, “The truth shall set you free.” And, while this truth may set you a little bit freer than you had planned, I still think it is better than living under a cloud of secrecy.

Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>

Keep that shit to yourself. If and I do mean if, you really do want to be with him and him only, there is absolutely nothing to gain from telling him what you did.

On the other hand, I think you’re fooling yourself about not being a cheating ho. Once a cheater, always a cheater. I’ve never cheated on a girl I was in love with, but I have cheated on every girl I wasn’t in love with. If you’re a guy and you’re in love and she’s the one, you keep it in your pants no matter how hot the temptress might be. If you’re a girl who cheats, either you’re a nympho ho who can’t keep it out of her pants or you really don’t give a damn about him.

Just put the relationship out of its pain and end it. I don’t believe in slip-ups. Be honest with yourself, sleep with whomever you want and be happy. That’s what I do, and I’m having a great time.

Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>

This is a slippery slope question. No one wants to believe that their partner would be capable of cheating on them and keeping them in the dark, whether it’s a one-time thing or a weekly affair. That being said, there are probably plenty of relationships out there where a partner made a one-time mistake, kept it a secret, and went on to have a healthy monogamous relationship.

Therefore, you have to gauge whether you can live with this secret and move on. If the answer is no, then I’d say it’s a toss-up whether the guy will stay with you or not. If you tell him, don’t include details, but do explain why you think you are a great couple, and how you think you can both put this in the rear view and move on.

Mr. Young and in Love SEE BIO NOW>

So what you’re asking is: “How should I tell my boyfriend I cheated on him without him breaking up with me, or should I just not bother telling him?” It seems like you’re looking for a way to get out of doing something horrible without any consequences.

That said, I think you have to tell him, because these things will ALWAYS come out eventually, and it’s better to be a cheater than a cheater and a liar (albeit only slightly). Whatever you do, don’t be patronizing when you tell him. Don’t cook him his favorite meal or be unnaturally nice in hopes of softening him up, because that’ll make things infinitely worse. Just sit down with him, tell him, and have a proper discussion about WHY you cheated on him (because even though you said it was a one-night stand, there must be an underlying issue in your relationship that caused you to stray).

But you’re going to have to accept that you’ve done something terrible and there’s fair chance he’ll break up with you for it—that’s karma. However, if you don’t tell him, you’re lying to him in order to be with him, which shows that you don’t love him at all.

GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think? What would you do in this situation? Have you ever cheated before? How did you tell…or did you not tell at all? What happened? Has someone ever cheated on you? Share now!

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76 Comments

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  • Tulsa Escort:

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  • Angela:

    I cheated on my boyfriend two nights ago with a very hot celebrity. I will NEVER tell my boyfriend, as I don’t want to lose him. We’ve been together quite awhile, and I’m moving in with him in two weeks.

    He is dragging his feet about proposing, although he promises he will, AND if it were up to him we’d have sex once a month at the most. I am a highly sexual woman and he knows this. We are very much in love and plan to spend our lives together. (We are 45 and 49).

    Do I feel guilty? Maybe a little. Do I have any regrets? Not one. I’d do it again in a heartbeat, but only with the same guy. He made me feel beautiful and desirable and sexy, and appreciated me in a way that my boyfriend doesn’t.

    Do I care if you judge me? Not one bit. My conscience (or lack there of), my life. I would not have been so tempted if there were a ring on my finger, and that was the deciding factor when I contemplated whether or not to go through with it.

    Wishing you all a happy life! =D

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    1. bill:

      Your a whore

      {Reply}
  • Natalie:

    Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading?
    I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog.
    Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

    {Reply}
  • Shelley Dustin:

    Me & my boyfriend was planning to get married last month, just last week we had some argument that made him get angry on me just because of the argument, he said we will not be married again and the next day he left me and we broke up. I still loved him and I wanted him to marry me, for me to get him back i had no choice than to contacted dr.marnish@ yahoo. com to help me and he helped me to bring my lover back to me so we can continue our plan to be married. he came back after 3 days

    {Reply}
  • angelica:

    l was black out drunk the other night, and the last thing I remember is some guy telling me to go to sleep. so he played me down in some other room and I think I passed out, but when I came to
    it was morning and he was right on top of me… i was still messed up and not really sure what was going on. I just remember he said sorry and I made sure my clothes were alright then grabbed my keys and left for home… I guess I was still messed up cuz I was lost and remember bawling the whole way home. then I showered and fell asleep in a bath for like 3 hours. My significant other comes home tomorrow, and whether it was voluntary or not, I don’t want to tell him bc he’d probably want to hurt the other person and get in trouble. I’m so confused, I know I love him, but I regret having drank so much.

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  • Cindy:

    I cheated on my boy friend a few days ago with a guy I have had sex with before. I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and this guy has tried to get me do stuff with him for a long time. I was faithful to my boyfriend and always told him no. But a few days ago, he snapchatted me and stupidly, I snapchatted back. It was fine at first but then I ended up sending a topless picture. I felt extremely guilty right after I sent it and told him I couldn’t do it. I know, it’s all my fault, and I brought this upon myself. But, I feel so extremely guilty that I can’t function. And when I think about what I did, I literally get sick. I don’t know what to do, my boyfriend is such an amazing guy and he would never do anything to hurt me. I dont want to lose him, but I feel so guilty. What do I do?

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  • Thatonechick:

    I cheated on my bf of 9 months last night with an ex.. (Sigh) I don’t know if I should be in love with him at just 9 months. And yes I know I shouldn’t have done it whether I am in love with him or not.. I don’t know why I did it, my ex just messaged me and wanted to hang out.. I told him it wasn’t a good idea but he convinced me and I swear once I was at his house I felt as of I was doing something terribly wrong but I did it anyway. I think I just missed the sex. Don’t get me wrong, my boyfriend is good in bed but… He doesn’t satisfy me like my ex does. And I don’t even like my ex :/ anyway I told my bf I need a break to get my mind together and he doesn’t want one. And I don’t know how to tell him how I feel.. He’s also very clingy and I just feel smothered sometimes. This doesn’t mean I want to leave him though because he does make me very happy, he’s a great guy with a great heart and a good head on his shoulders, no other guy has treated me as good as him so I definitely don’t want to lose him. That being said. I’m taking this secret to the graVe. Nobody is perfect and it was a one time thing. I don’t ever want to hurt my bf.

    {Reply}
    1. dogsitterflatmate:

      What would you do if he knows and is waiting for you to tell him?

      Im in a similar situation as your bf but there seems to be more than one guy i just need her to tell me so i can sort my head out and move on. It will be a big relief if and when she admits EVERYTHING. I can read her body language like a book, she lied about being at work one night – i saw her with another guy in the train station. Shes now away working in another country for month so she probably wanted to have a fling before she left.

      My advice if you want?

      Theres good and bad points to being honest. He could apreciate your honesty and stick with you. If this is the case he might always be wary of you. Or he could never forgive and leave you. He also might get you back and cheat.

      Do whats best for you though. If you dont look after yourself, who else will? You could stay together and it could go pear shape later on.

      I will apreciate my gf being honest when the time comes. My head is a mess at the moment because of it all. I have asked her about some things so i know she thinks i may suspect something, but what she doesnt know is, i DO know a couple of things and have reason to believe theres more.

      {Reply}
  • クロックス 価格:

    レディース ダウン

    {Reply}
  • Ashley:

    I would not tell him. Its important to be honest in a relationship but if the info is more damaging and hurtful. Then keep it to yourself. You were the cheater and if you feel guilty about not telling that comes with the consequences of bad desicions. So take it to the grave. But you will cheat again if you don’t get your needs met by your boyfriend. Maybe you need attention, affection, time, communication, or better sex. Your relationship is lacking something if you had your needs met by someone else. Ant way good luck

    {Reply}
  • denay:

    I just cheated on my boyfriend last night. It was really awful and now I am so upset I can hardly see straight. I was under the influence and I had previously talked to my boyfriend how I feel unfulfilled because I am barely 18 and have been in a serious relationship with him for 2 years. I love him so much, but with my lazed judgement I made a mistake. But I have been talking to him about an open relationship for months and how I need things that he can’t give me, experiencing things that I just feel I need to experience. However I understand I went about it wrong by just going out and cheating, but I didn’t plan it. Not to mention I had been telling this guy I wanted to keep things STRICTLY platonic, but obviously that didn’t happen. I plan to tell him tonight when he comes home, just straight tell him why I felt the need to be with someone else and what happened. Did I mention I have also showered 4 times since? It has been less than 24 hours. I regret it all.

    {Reply}
  • Kelly-Ann:

    I cheated on my boyfriend of 2 1/2 years and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever done. I felt horrible, and the guilt absolutely consumed me, but I didn’t tell him to ease my own pain. He deserved to know, and I respect him and love him too much to keep a lie living.

    I told him knowing that there was the possibility I would lose him forever (this was the hardest part) but hoping and praying for us to work through it. It’s been a very rough recovery, but we made it through and are now closer than ever. I don’t even look at other guys now and I feel like I lost that bad part of me after telling him. I’m the luckiest girl in the world for his forgiveness.

    People aren’t perfect. A single action doesn’t define who you are. The hard part (telling the truth) shows respect and maturity. If you don’t have that, you aren’t ready for a real relationship.

    OH…and DON’T do it again.

    {Reply}
  • caseyle2010:

    i would tell. its better for him to hear it from you than someone else. and if you wait, the result will become worse.

    {Reply}
  • coupondeals143:

    the truth always comes out in the end your better off not lying

    {Reply}
  • remmy:

    I would tell, couldn’t live w/ myself not telling :(

    {Reply}
  • owensfamily520:

    I would tell him. something isnt right there and you need to talk to get it out into the open. always be truthful in any type of relationship you have. hurts you more to hold onto secrets.

    {Reply}
  • zajmommy:

    You are not married you dont have to tell them nothing!!! Sorry I have been with the same guy since 96 have 3 kids. He has cheated on me who knows how many times,lied about it. He left me and 3 kids with no car out in the boondocks. Then had tryed to get his father to throw us out of mobile home so him and his girlfriend can move in. that only last 3 month cause he finally realize what type of person she was. but come to find out she was going to have his kid in nov. I was 23yrs old when i got my license with his mothers help. He was piss when that happen. I have never cheated on him but he has and still does excuse me of cheating. so take it to the grave!!!

    {Reply}
    1. trixiedoodles:

      No offense zaj, but from that story – I wouldn’t be taking any relationship advice from you.

      {Reply}
  • brycesaggiebabe:

    If you are cheating maybe the bigger issue is you don’t love him as much as you say you do. If you really loved a person fully then you wouldn’t need to run around with other people, and you would be fully committed to that person! If I were you I would think about why you did what you did not if you should tell him!

    {Reply}
  • lilmissnikki24:

    Why lie? Your gonna end up being caught anyways, lies just make it worse. I have not and will not cheat on anyone. I’ve been cheated on too many times to count so thats why I wont. If they can’t please you, leave them. Dont go sneaking around!

    {Reply}
  • sarahmallett126:

    I think she should tell

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  • holistichoneychild:

    NO! Telling is selfish. It’s not to make him feel better; it’s to ease your own conscious.

    {Reply}
    1. mystery:

      Not telling is even more selfish dude. You got it all backwards. By not telling, you’re lying, and proving to be untrustworthy. If he or she breaks up with you, its YOUR own fault, you deserve it, you chose the path of cheating. plus you’re being unfair. You chose to cheat and betray your partner. Now it’s your partner’s turn to choose, whether to stay with you or leave you. Don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

      {Reply}

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