Bachelorette & Bachelor Parties: Not Created Equal
My friends are getting married. As if the whole watching-people-I’ve-eaten-Playdough-with-walk-down-the-aisle thing wasn’t scary enough, it’s also accompanied by all that other hoopla. The dress fittings. The engagement parties. The bridal showers. …The bachelorette parties. But if there’s one thing I’ve noticed thus far with the last, it’s that the husband-to-be’s bach party does not equal that of his soon-to-be-wife’s. Why?
Scenario 1: I am the bride-to-be. I will take a million pictures of my ring on my smart phone and send it to my girlfriends the second I am engaged. My girls will send it to their roommates from college and everyone will text back (“Love it!” “Ew!” “Not my taste!”). Then I will have an engagement party, where everyone will, once again, whisper about my ring.
After all the judgment on my sparkler, more talk goes on behind my back regarding the hot pink taffeta frock I have chosen for my MOH (this is hypothetical—I’m not going to broadcast my real projected wedding colors, lest you copycat them). Of course, alongside the tizzy of fittings comes obsessive bridal/bridal-party dieting. All of my BFFs turn into bread-deprived bee-hatches as they start to plan the bridal shower, also behind my back.
Once I’m tricked every which way and finally go to my shower, I burst into tears—from stress and being caught off guard by 50 of my closest friends while I look like crap. Oh, and all this is going on while I’m deciding how to politely not invite my long-lost cousins, should I go with tall or short centerpieces, how will I pay the photographer, wait, how will I pay for this in general…etc.
Before I know it, it’s time to celebrate one of the last few nights of me being not married. But after all the stress I’ve already endured, I just want to lie in a fluffy bed slaughtered in cellulite-reducing lotion, and have a butler feed me bacon (hypothetically, I am also on the Atkins diet). Alas, my friends drag me out to some bar, which we will probably get to by limo or party bus. I get superdrunk having just dropped 15 pounds, and I am paraded around in a penis crown, a sight which will appear in tons of NSFW Facebook photos.
Scenario 2: I am the groom-to-be. I’ve picked penne a la vodka over spaghetti bolognese. I’m not too sure what colors match hot pink, so I’m going to stay out of the whole color scheme/flowers bit too. I went on a cake tasting.
But then there’s the bachelor party, and we’re thinking Vegas because obviously my buddies and I are just as funny as Zach Galifianakis and as hot as Bradley Cooper…and my last single night before I (GULP) commit to one woman for the rest of my life should obviously be filled with getting blackout, receiving lap dances, and at least one of my friends marrying a hooker while Elvis presides over the ceremony. I will appear in a lot of NSFL (not suitable for LIFE) photos.
…Doesn’t it seem like the ladies get jilted when it comes to bachelorettes? A bride and the bridal party have a bajillion things to plan…and to pay for, which really burns everyone out emotionally and wallet-wise by the time the bachelorette rolls around. On the other side of the spectrum, the groomsmen seem to have nothing to do short of renting a tux and finding a good place to throw the bachelor party.
Men have all the freedom and the budget to go above and beyond, and it’s not fair. Money and planning constraints aside, do they also go all out because this is the one time that everyone is making the guy the center of attention instead of the bride? Or is that last single night really all that more important for men because of their commitment issues? Will bachelor and bachelorette parties ever be equal?
-Cait Rohan
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think? Do you think bachelor parties are usually more elaborate than bachelorettes? Why or why not? What have you done for your bachelorette or for someone else’s? Was it fun, or were you just so stressed out about everything else?
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42 Comments
Post a Commentthis is such a sexist post. please, plenty of bachelorettes sucking or fking male strippers
(“Love it!” “Ew!” “Not my taste!”)
You know this whole wedding ordeal and tradition is the reason why I will never get married again.
The first time I was married my (now ex) had a bachelor party where he had sex with a stripper. I didn’t find out until much later. Of course this has left me with lasting scars, and if I say anything to my current significant other about it then we fight about why I don’t trust him.
Society has said that I have to condone a bachelor party or I’m jealous, insecure, non-trusting etc. I even read an article that stated if the bride to be objects to a bachelor party or sets any limitations the man shouldn’t marry her. It seems like an awfully uneven way to start a lifetime of commitment.
Why is money the great equalizer? I bet a good deal of men who claim to need the stag night would be pretty upset if they caught their bride sitting on another man’s lap fully clothed, yet she is to be expected to be fine with half to fully naked women doing the same to her soon to be spouse?
So in order to escape this unneeded drama I have resolved to never marry again.
sorry you were hurt,. I too had a husband who cheated on me not very nice . I can understand why you dont want to remarry. all the best to you,
Wouldn’t it be more equal if the bachelor parties involved the bride stripping herself? Amateur night? Seems like a way to combat the stripper routine. “Honey, that’s fine if you want to go to a strip club, I am too, I’ll be performing.” I feel somewhat resentful that my groom is going to Vegas. At this point we cannot afford a honeymoon and it just doesn’t sit well with me that the bachelor party is more lavish than anything we can afford together. I know, it’s straight up jealously and I guess if I love him so much to marry him i should be happy that he gets to go on a trip with his friends (provided they pay for it). It’s somewhat of a sticky situation because my brothers who were invited cannot attend and some other good friends. I can’t say anything to planner, right? Thatd be too bridezilla? I wish i could mention to the groomsmen that my fiancé told me his ideal Bach party would be camping and drinking beer and shooting guns… things he never gets to do with the guys.
Oops I meant bachelorette parties.
It all depends on the couples. My friends first bachelorette party was to an ice cream parlor and then to the house because her fiance didn’t want her to go out. Little did anyone now that he had a bachelor party and his girlfriend ( not my friend) was there.
I have discussed these partys with my bf and we agree we will both have one and have a good time. I trust him and he trusts me. with out trust why would anyone get married….
We can both go to a strip club, and have fun.
Bachelorette Parties are fun. A great way to celebrate is to have a Pole Dance or Exotic Dance party for the ladies and the bride to be. She can learn a cute routine that she may want to share on that wedding night. Its also a great stress reliever. Check us out at http://www.BodyTalkLLC.com.
I think it differs case by case. The host can be the difference between wild & crazy or frazzled & layed back.
Do the bachelorette party in advance who really wants to be hungover and sickly on the big day anyway! Goes for the bachelors,too.
Just going out with the girls dinner and dancing…
I’m planning a wedding right now, and my fiance and I have sat down to figure out who is going to coordinate what parts. Each of us researches out stuff, then we regroup to discuss, brainstorm and decide. That way neither of us is going crazy. As for the bachlorette and bachelor parties, they will never be “equal” because girls and guys like to do different things (as noted above.) Guys want to drink, see naked women, etc. Girls want to relax, hang out, etc. You can’t equate one with the other – besides, us girls tend to get the better end of the straw when we’ve had fun the night before and do not have an incredible hangover in the morning!
rather noted below
How about not doing all of that nonsense in the first place? People kill me! Why have an engagement party and bridal party at all? YOU STRESS YOURSELF OUT UNNECESSARILY!!! And why celebrate your last day as a single person like you going to jail? The only celebration I will plan for and have if I get married is the honeymoon! That way I’m not going broke before I start my new life!
I want my bacholerette party to be like the Hangover 3!
LOL, what cast of funny women would you choose as costars? PS–has anyone seen Bridesmaids yet? I did, thought it was pretty funny, Megan was by far the funniest character, but I did want to slap the main character Annie at times. I really think she needed serious HELP throughout a lot of the movie (yes, I know it’s a comedy, but still…it was kind of SAD).
Everyone is different.. some don’t even want one. Some just take trips. whatevs
there both scandalous ..it depends on each person and the respect they have for each other but in either way any thing gets out of hand if you let it be nothing just happens you let it happen or get out of the situation..
I’ve planned two destination bachelorette parties that were huge successes, but what made them work was that 1) we did what the brides wanted and 2) the bridal parties worked really well together. Basically, we just planned several options, then gave the bride two or three choices– so she wasn’t overwhelmed, but still had a say in it. We also built in a few surprises, like getting a limo instead of carpooling. Both brides wanted to take a weekend before the wedding to leave planning behind and just cut loose with their girls, so it worked out really well. We got to relax, spa, and shop during the day, and then planned one crazy blowout drinking-and-dancing-like-we’re-still-21 night (with an extra chill morning after to recover, of course!). The best part of doing a weekend was having enough time to just hang out with my best friends, without worrying about the guys. And if you do it a month or so before the wedding, the bride isn’t stressing about last minute stuff and can actually enjoy herself.
I really like this post, lisabean! This part is so true:
The best part of doing a weekend was having enough time to just hang out with my best friends, without worrying about the guys. And if you do it a month or so before the wedding, the bride isn’t stressing about last minute stuff and can actually enjoy herself.
I TOTALLY agree with this post. Brides and their bridal parties have so much to stress over and plan (how is one supposed to stay employed while wedding planning?) and it truly does seem like the groom and his men focus all of their time and attention on the bachelor party, which ends up being a totally wild slopfest. I’m not high maintenance at all and truly believe that I’d be content with my bachelorette so long as it involves all of the girls I care about, buuuut I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think a weekend in Miami or the like might be in the cards. While I fully intend on staying just as close with my bridal party post-wedding, and going out with them as I did pre-marriage, this does have to be a last hoorah of sorts and I want to take full advantage of that! That said, I know I myself won’t have the energy to plan an extravagant weekend nor can I put that kind of pressure on my bridal party who are already going to be so heavily involved in all of the other festivities.
I by all means want my hubs-to-be to have fun, and I want to enjoy myself all the same, but I do think the bach party suffers a bit on the women’s end because of the stress of all of the other things she and her party must plan.
P.S. – does a man as funny as Zach Galifianakis and as hot as Bradley Cooper exist?! Someone find him for me!
OMG your “how is one supposed to stay employed while wedding planning” is suuuuch a good other point. From what I’ve heard, planning takes some SERIOUS excel spreadsheeting (eek!). Also, I worked with a woman (not here, duh) who would plan her wedding ALL DAY. ON THE CLOCK at work.
Has anyone ever encountered an “employee” who did this?
Side note: a man as funny as Zach Galifianakis and as hot as Bradley Cooper exist?! < WANT.
I think that the idea behind a bachelor/lette parties are antiquated, especailly if you’re marrying someone you’ve dated and lived with for a long time anyway. Somehow these parties always bring up drama b/c someone acts a fool and at least one person in the marrying couple goes into the marriage worrying about what “really” went down at the party. Starting your marriage in secret distrust isn’t cool. That’s why me and my hubby didn’t have one and besides, who had the time to go when there was a million and one things to do prior to the wedding. That’s why we chose to have a small co-ed party a few weeks afterwards.
Hmm! I feel like as much as I don’t agree with the strippers part, I DO want my husband-to-be to have a bachelor party and have fun. If I’m marrying him, I’ll have to trust him and hopefully he won’t be the kind of guy who would do half the stuff in The Hangover (ha). But I definitely want a bachelorette party, but I know I’ll probably be a stressball and feel bad about the money, so it will probably be low-key.
Heck ya its messed up! I have only been to bacehlor parties (long story) and what i have seen is not even close to how a bachelorette party goes down. It has been and always will be a double standard when it comes to opposite sexes. Its not fair but like they say life is not fair.
OMG, PLEASE tell us more about the bachelor parties–what happened? How did you get invited? I always feel like it’s awkward when I’m invited to weddings and I’m better friends with the groom, and I kind of should be invited to the guy’s bach…but I’m not!
I’m so curious, Vdot!
if you marry the right guy who doesn’t want strippers and all at his party then i dont think this will ever be a problem. maybe people aren’t marrying the right guys? my bf hates strip clubs lolol.
go on a vacay with the girls also, don’t splurge on the dress or save money on something to make more memories than just have some piece of material you’ll never wear again.
Haha, Elle–good point! BUT I do feel like some guys are peer pressured into getting strippers because it’s “tradition” for bach parties. What do you ladies think? Is a guy truly not the man for you if he has strippers at his bachelor party? Does it matter?