My Boyfriend’s Unemployment is Affecting Our Relationship
I’m 
not gonna lie, when I first met my boyfriend, I liked the fact that he was going to be a lawyer. As a freelance writer with a completely unstable source of income, it was good to know that someone in the relationship wouldn’t be living paycheck to paycheck and could spring for more than Chinese food delivery once in awhile. So even when he graduated without a guaranteed job, I felt strangely comforted, thinking that the tough economy would pass and that he would find something soon. Soon turned into almost a year, and while we’re both somehow staying financially afloat, our relationship is about to sink.
I think the main issue is I’m a problem solver. I need a job, I am on job sites every day, I send my resume to everyone I know, I cold call companies I’m interested in to see if they’re hiring. But when I suggest these tactics to my boyfriend, he gets extremely defensive like I’m trying to run his life and reminds me that our industries are completely different. I know he’s starting to think of me as a nag, but it’s hard for me to watch him be so defeatist and not make every effort to find a full-time job. He assures me that he’s looking, but it seems like he’d rather complain about no good jobs being out there than take a less-than-perfect job in the meantime. I’m trying really hard to be sympathetic and encouraging, but it’s too hard for me not to get involved, especially when I worry that if I don’t help, he’ll just never find anything.
To make matters worse, our sex life is coming to a stand-still. Despite the fact that he isn’t working all day, he always seems too tired to hook up. When I ask him about it, he turns it on me, saying that I’m not as much fun to be around because I’m always lecturing him about work. Once, he admitted to feeling inadequate, but even though I’ve done my best to assure him that I love him no matter what he does for a living, it hasn’t solved the problem. I really want this relationship to work (for richer or for poorer, as they say), but I’m not sure we can handle another year of him not working. Is there any way to help him on the job front without seeming like a nudge? Should I just back off and hope for the best? Is anyone else going through something similar?
-Anonymous Staffer
GIRL TALK TIME: What would you do in this Staffer’s situation? Have you dealt with a similar problem? What happened?
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65 Comments
Post a CommentLadies, I need feedback on the issue at hand here; I am a professional female with a post graduate degree, investments and I work toward and plan expectations for myself to better my life. Two and half years ago I became involved and still am with a man who has not pursued any higher education, and despite my many efforts to motivate him and make him feel proud of his abilities and capabilities with different skills, which he is very good at, he only works at best part time and he practically lives in my spacious home. I do not need his financial contributions, but he should offer in my opinion. He does not. I have finally reached the end of my patience because I believe he lacks character and maturity based on his lack of effort for himself and for me as the person who always has carried the financial load because I can. He has worked and is still working on remodeling my home. I buy all the materials needed and have not paid him wages, however, in exchange I have purchased valuable tools because they were needed and with the expectation that he would utilize the opportunity to begin a remodel business. His work has dramatically changed my home. I have even ordered business cards for him twice now, walked him through the stops of obtaining a business license and even did that. Now, he just does not get off his butt. When he does, he doesn’t even make the gesture to say, “Here’s $30 for the cable.” He is very handsome and 10 years younger. I fear he will never have enough ambition for himself to help sustain a household. I do not want to be the one to always carry the financial responsibility. He has a vehicle (although older) because of me on a trade for a truly beautiful remodel of my offices. I just can’t seem to understand if he will ever change.
I’m in my middle 50′s. Never married, no children. I met my bf 7 years ago, he had a $40,000 a year job. His job ended in the first year. He has been a full time student since. He has a AA and AS degree (4 1/2 years), and working on his BA (1year). He still needs 1 1/2 years to get the BA. During this time I’ve worked and support him, lost my home.
I’ve lived full time with him for 4 years now. I now sleep on the couch in the front room.
He sleeps in his bedroom on the $4,000 bed. We had sex twice last year, so far nothing in this year. I miss my things, everything is in storge.
My last job ended in October and unemployment has ended. I have no money. He knows this and lets me know he can’t support me. I never ask for anything.
His money is his and my money and time is his.
He is very selfish. Went I was working I bought a pair of shoes, I also had to buy him a pair of shoes. I needed a new bra and we went to a department store, I didn’t find one, but he found a new shirt for me to buy for him. He’ll keep refunds that belong to me.
Went I worked I would pay for everything, even his toothpaste and chewing gum.
I have 2 more weeks left of college classes, and still no job lined up. I want to take off.
Load my car and go. I can’t tell him how unhappy I am, he blows up fast. He talks like we’ll be together for ever. But he doesn’t believe in Marriage and God. I get tried of him talking about no God.
I know when he does get that high paying job, I’ll still have to fend for myself. I just can’t do it anymore.
Please Sara LEAVE HIM. No he did not make you sleep on the couch while he slept on the bed. Please leave him and live your life.
That’s awful. If you and your boyfriend have been together 7 years now, and he tells you that he can’t support you, even though you’ve supported him, that is very very selfish of him. Sara, you deserve much better in life and you need a man who really appreciates you. I also am tired of those who say there is no God. God exists, and as long as we keep praying and asking God to help us through the goodness of our heart, life gets better.
A person essentially lend a hand to make seriously articles I might state. That is the first time I frequented your website page and up to now?
Hello,
I never post anything like this online but I cannot keep to myself anymore. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 5 years and we just got engaged a few months ago. This is the story I fell in love and learned that he did weed and was lazy. I did not go to my desired college because he was afraid we would break up so I went to his school and that semester he quit! Talk about a mad B*tch! I told him to straighten himself out or I would leave him. He got his first job at 20 years old and I was his supervisor. Well even though I had a fulltime job during school, he quit that job right before he returned for fall semester. I lived on my own during this time, because I could only afford myself. Flash forward to 2011 I just received my associate degree and moved to a new town to go to a 4 yr college. He had one more semester until he could move with me. I got a job selling stuff and then a fulltime job. He moved in and did not search for a job for 2 months. He “looked” online but mostly played WoW! I was a fulltime employee and student but yet still came home to cook and clean. Whenever we fought he would say that it wasn’t his idea to move there. I hate that game it is like a drug to stupid men. Well once again I became his supervisor because he would not be an aggressive job seeker. I would cook and clean for him while going to school and being a manager and all he was was a part time delivery driver. Well all that overworking and stress caused me to become sick and I got mono which sucks A**! So instead of working fulltime he just picked up one extra day of work and I had to work one less while still being a student and cooking and cleaning. Well my mono got worse and I was out of work for a while, instead of saving money and cooking he would order pizza and soon we were using my financial aid to pay everything with. I decided to move back to our hometown and focus on getting better and school. He went home a week before me and left me to clean up the apartment and move out while I had finals. We move into his parents house “temporarily” I begin registering for school and applying for all sorts of jobs even ones that I would have to quit school for. The entire month of December he would not look for a job because he wanted to enjoy the holidays. He got his first bill for his students loans and I have to use my financial aid to pay for it, and he also bought $70 WoW subscription with my money! I have not been able to obtain a job due to an internship, but I am still applying. It is April and he has only applied to a handful of jobs, only one in person! Every time I talk about him being more aggressive we fight. His mother is the biggest b*tch I ever met and thinks it is my job to be his new mother. I barley have any money left and I am constantly depressed. I suggested that we look for jobs that are not local and maybe even out of state. He says I am a pessimist, and that something good will come. I am realistic I do not think that he will learn until he falls on his ass. I have worked all my life and he has been nothing but a spoiled bastard. We were going to get married next Christmas, I even have a dress but now I that is never going to happen. I do not even know why I stay, I find him repulsive really. Which makes me so guilty, but I have even threatened to join the army and he does not even care. Our sex life is nonexistent, we have sex like once a month but I do not even want to. I just do not understand how parents can raise their sons like this! I have taken care of this man since we started dating because I always had a job. I feel as though I should just leave him, but some days I see why I fell for him. But most days I truly cannot stand to even see or talk to him. I am not afraid of being lonely I am afraid of losing the one I am meant to be with. I know that relationships take work but damn I do not know how much longer I can take.
Easier said than done, isn’t it. Yes, I have the SAME issues with my guy and same thoughts about him being the one, which makes it so difficult. What the hell is with mothers who baby their sons, like they are too afraid to tell them to get off their a**es!! I’ve been with my guy for almost 4 years and the last few months he was doing the same thing, applying to a job here & there online, and playing games most of the time…but finally I told him that he needed to take it seriously and find a job soon or I was going to find my own place, of which i am very serious about doing soon. Low and behold, he’s now become a bit panicked and he’s been actually getting dressed up and going out to look for jobs. I figure it’s worth waiting a little longer, all he needs to do is show me that he’s making a solid effort. Maybe try giving your boyfriend a serious ultimatum and see if it makes a difference, as it sounds like right now he has no desire to change or do anything to resolve the situation. If it doesn’t, then you need to ask yourself if you need to be supporting someone who clearly isn’t making an effort to be mature and responsible for himself. Concentrating on yourself and your career makes a lot more sense than putting yourself more and more into debt.
Hi, it is good to read that I am not the only one with guy problems. I have been with my boyfriend now for 4.5 years. I love him dearly but we have a great amount of stress on our relationship.
I was working for a long time in and out of jobs but always found something in the next few days. He run his own business which was very good $ at times . I currently live by myself and struggle to pay bills, I owe my parents money which is very hard because they have always been there for me if I was struggling badley, my hours have been cut down and he has closed down his business to work with a boss for a regular income. I have no car and struggle to find full time hours as not car puts massive strain on employment. Not every bus or train goes to we’re u want to go.??? When I was making big bucks I would give him 90% of my pay to fix His bills and I had to because he would fight with me or get all down and depressed but wat about my rent? My bills? Electricity gas water? I have to shove them aside for another week? We always Fight about money I have moved house”s 4 times over 3 years while he still lives with his mum? Has a car? Has a income?
I feel everyday is a struggle or something happens that jut puts more strain on the relationship?
Even if I get full time work I fill like the money I earn will have to go to him to fix his bills this is not fair , also his car is in my name and I now have $5,000 in fines .
Please help I’m going no where and I’m struggling but I do love him?
Help?
Child please leave his broke lazy ass! He has his mom and his home save your money and get out love is not going to pay your bills
see I can’t understand it at that point that your boyfriend with stop looking for a job maybe you know sometimes when people looking for jobs not we are like watching their back whenever finding a job like my boyfriend miss him I look for jobs sometimes he’ll wait and then go back at it again me I am constantly on my ass looking for a job and it works out I really don’t care about money unless is taking care of my school clothes to keep myself warm and other stuffhe is 21 and I am 19 we aren’t does asses for looking for job. I love him and as long as we do it together or on time by yourself myself it’s fine
Hey. I’m 19 and I love my fiance more that anything…but right now things just aren’t working. He grew up bouncing around between grandparents and aunts and uncles because his Mom and Dad both had drug issues for a long time so he never really learned about being stable. About six months ago we moved in together, renting an apartment from my parents. They understood he didn’t have a job and said he could start out the first few months doing yard work for his half of the rent. Six months later and he hasn’t got a job, goes to school two days a week and plays video games and does yard work the other five while I work two jobs so we can have food on the table and money.
I love him and I don’t want to let him go but lately he isn’t even doing the yard work and I’m having to pick up the slack. He’s put in applications but he allways waits a month in between to see if he’s getting the job. Other than this our relationship has no problems at all. I just don’t know if I can do this alone. Last night I was crying because I was so tired from work and when I came home the apartment was trashed. I asked him for help. He agreed but then when I asked him what he was doing on his days off from school this week he said he had plans to meet his friends and swordfight in the park two days this week (all day. I also swordfight occasionally, it’s a good workout but all day?). We don’t have a car and the local bus doesn’t run on sat/sun so I know he’ll be staying home,playing his video games and doing laundry. That doesn’t feel like enough help.
Honey, you’re making things too easy for him! Make it clear to him that he either picks up his slack or he can leave.
ok ladies- i have a question for all of you– i am an independant woman in my 30′s and my BF is as well. he suffers from a debilating disease— BUT he is currently in school. he is “almost’ done with this- but yet i just foudn out he is going for another.. whch seems like this may take another 4 years– i work a LOT- single mom and all i have ever known was WORK- he says he cant get a p/t job- due to the disease- nor can go to school but part time– im thinking how are u ever gonnaget a JOB when ur done? woud u stick this out and wait to see if a JOB comes out of this? or is this just another sad lve story???
one more thing i forgot to add– his family helps him financially- so he “keeps” money in his pocket”
he gets more $$ via the family than he would if he had a p/t job so he says.
I love hearing when guys say well he is staying at home providing child care. GIRLS don’t even let yourself get into that situation. You provide food, housing, electricity, water, trash, gardening, car, insurance, registration, and even health care. Get a nanny but don’t fool yourself into thinking he is doing you any favors. Let the nanny go home at night. You need a dick at night, rent it and leave it at their home. Do not get wrapped up with these guys they will take your children expect spousal support, child support and expect the house as well as your inheritance money in any possible divorce proceedings. WOMEN TIME TO WAKE UP.
Males these days are completely lost. There is absolutely no sound reason to marry, Have children (or sex for that matter) any of the males today. You are throwing out your happiness, savings, and identity as a woman and trading it in for a permanent “sucker” tattoo on your forehead. I do not understand how women could accidentally share their DNA with such inferior humans. If you don’t mind going to work and being a mommy to your roomate and babysitter that is on you but I don’t want to hear you all bitching about it all over the internet later. Being ‘alone’ is not a bad thing! If most of you knew that being ‘alone’ was not very ‘alone’ at all you would not have wasted your time on these toxic emotional and financial vampires. It is pathetic that you don’t realize men actually LOOK for women to take care of them. DUH women stop falling for this lame shit. You wanting to be perceived a certain way to others and yourself just to get walked over is not worth it! My father laughs all day because he wives have paid for his homes and computers gaming time….amongst a list of many other things. We won’t even talk about this divorce proceedings. Good Luck.
As cynical as your post is, it’s true. I wish more women would realize that there’s nothing wrong with being single.Too many women are way too wrapped up in the “I want to be a bride, be a mommy, have the perfect little life” lie. Rarely is it ever a perfect life. But the LIES that have been sold to women in the name of capitalism are so deeply ingrained into our psyches that women are willing to stick around and have children with guys who are lazy, irresponsible, abusive, or just don’t care in order to convince themselves and those around them that they have achieved some magical fairy tale. WAKE THE HELL UP LADIES. Stop chasing castles in the sky and realize that there is nothing wrong with going through life single, making your own money, and having your own friends. You won’t be “alone”. But if you choose to have kids, for god sakes, CHOOSE SOMEONE WHO WILL BE A GOOD FATHER AND GOOD PARTNER TO YOU IN EVERY WAY and not a FREAKING BUM.
I’m also having a hard time my bf will not keep a steady job the last one. He had he quit in 2 weeks that was a ur ago. He is or was a small construction company owner that went down the drain ..
Before I met him I was fine financially stable with my 2 kids a car my own place etc . Now I can’t afford toilet paper cause I’m supporting him myself and 3 kids . Everyday in and out he yells at me because I don’t have smokes but I should and better have some for him !!!! Who the f are you ?!?!?! I work nights get about 4 hrs of sleep a day . All he does is bitch and sit in his ass and play his games , and tells me u should do my womanly duties and I should wanna have sex if not he will just take it as he pleases ..
My sex drive is gone my self eestem is gone .. My fear is I have no family that want anything to do with me and if he leaves he takes the car that I pay for monthly but its not his its his friends .. Ill be stuck in the country no car equals no work
I’m also in love with my old flame who has his life together and wants me but my bf said he will make my life a living hell because he doesn’t want me dating someone while my daughter is living with me .. So I guess I sit back while he fucks whoever he wants … I’m so depressed
I desire to not offended any of the women on here, but I think we all suffer from Co-Dependency, thus the mates we are choosing. Reading all the posts I determined we are all independant women, Doing well for ourselves, being self sufficent & we are all being taken advantage of on a mental level. The first thing you have to ask yourself is “Why are you with him?”.. I asked myself that & I honestly couldn’t answer my own question, lol I went though a constant battle of my boyfriend not wanted to be productive Literally..& I blame myself for not being strong enough in the beginnning in setting my standards. I felt so emotionally drained after he “promised” me he’d do better and well you know the typical.. I started observing his behavior, it wasn’t matching up with his verbal. I took 2 weeks by myself to realize the relationship was partially the way it was because of my dependecy which is not healthy.. so I mentally processed our relationship & i made up the determination that I’d rather be single.. Happy.. emotionally healthy.. (able to spend & save my hard earned money on myself) and things I enjoyed and let him go… I hope you search deep down and ask yourself those questions if you desire stability, I also write on a daily basis so that might be helpful as well! Goodluck & You always desire the best! <3<3
well im in that type of relationship now where im the only one working and i have two kids that i have to take care of but i dont want to have to take care of a grown man what to do and im in love with somebody else
Hi all, i have to say reading all your posts have made me feel so much better. Anna you have to do what works best for you but I’m sure it feels good to know you aren’t alone. I have been with my boyfriend for three years and im in a similar boat. He is an out of work actor who doesn’t take real jobs incase a film comes his way. I am madly inlove with him which makes any conversation about getting his shit together awful. I am 26 i want to get married and have kids yesterday mean while we dont even live together because he can’t afford it. The truth is though despite all that i wont leave hes the love of my life and i promised forever you i will stick to it.
I’m in a tough situation and to be honest, never post things like this, but thought it might give me some clarity. To start with, I truly have the most loyal and kind hearted boyfriend out there, supportive in every way possible and he thinks I’m wonderful. I have a nice car, I’ve got a freelancing business that I do quite well at, but unfortunately Im struggling to get ahead staying with him and I’m 33. Since we’ve been together we’ve had a great relationship, but he’s always had those “try to get rich quick” types of jobs that never work out (truly, in three years he’s borrowed money from his parents (whom have babied him his entire life), he lived at his parents when we started dating, no car, etc) and he’s 35. His contribution has always been “I’ll get you what I can” which doesn’t cover the fact that he’s pretty much taken my car (i work at home so it’s fine) and doesn’t help me with bills, car, insurance, groceries, our gym memberships, any (which is very minimal with him since i’m the one who covers and i’m not rich by any stretch) etc etc, and now all my credit cards are almost maxed. I’ve never gotten a single gift from him as we always decide to “save money” at xmas instead, even though i still always get him little things then and throughout the year. So now he’s decided to go into real estate and of course he wants to do well so maybe we can start an actual life (can’t have children or anything like that until i get some help & security) but time is tcking, and so far in over three years, he has shown me that everything he has done has been a gamble. And to me, real estate is another gamble. The biggest problem is, he’s never had any urgency to really make sure he’s making money, because he’s always had his mother covering him and now me. I on the other hand, ave to worry and stress about making sure every payment is there always, and he doesn’t offer to help, just the “i’ll get you what i can”. Of course, everything come directly out of my accounts so sometimes i think he doesn’t even “get” it. Anyway, I love him so much and he truly is the most amazing person, but I’m starting to become resentful, and I don’t know if I should put in another year with him and see if he’s going to make real estate a viable business or if I should just get out, time is ticking for me. By the way, I’ve tried to talk to him about this and thought I could have him put some bill payments in his name to make a difference, but i know I’ll just be transferring over money all the same. The end result is, he just doesn’t want to talk about it anymore.
Ang, I think 3 years is plenty of time for people to change and it doesn’t seem like your boyfriend has been able to figure it out. Better yet it seems like he doesn’t want to. If money has never been the issue for your boyfriend in 35 years I find it hard to believe that he will consider this an issue anytime some. I know you feel guilty for wanting to break up with him because he’s “broke” but in reality you want to break up with him because he is immature , irresponsible, does not believe in hard work and has no consideration for you or the things that matter to you. Yes, you love him and he may be a genuinely nice person but I dont think that’s enough for you. In my opinion if you have parents that are willing to financially help you if you fail then you should be following your passions not ignoring reality. Ang, if you want someone to tell you what to do I say break up with him and put 100 percent of your efforts into getting ahead in your career. Save the your post and dont read it for months and maybe one day you’ll be able to read between the lines of your own post. But think about it before you act. Be honest with yourself and go with what is best for YOU. Best regards.
applause!! bravo!! … Ang I’m in same situation and well Jennifer gave us a response. I wish it can be simple and easy just to give up a wonderful man (heart and soul) but I just can’t keep giving him so many tries and keep wasting my time because time is precious specially womens. I think sometimes men does not understand that and I’m tired of giving him time frames and deadlines because is to much stress and pushing. I’m not here to beg anybody to marry me! but sometimes this is how it looks like when you are tired of holding all this years and giving them the time to get on their feet and finally both being on same page. Kind of impossible and I just don’t want to make things worst and in act of desperation get married (whichever the situation is) and pop out some babies because I can see this could end like one of those episodes of “shameless”… just can’t afford to have a crazy life like that!
I feel your pain Anna, you try extremely hard
To keep the relationship your in… I can’t
Imagine what it would be like to be your
Boyfriend.. Sounds like his ex made it easy
For him to be a loser!
Anna, you sound like a wonderful gal
Who has a heart of gold and personally
You deserve better!
Well I’m really glad to see this is a common issue in today’s economy. I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and he’s 6 years older than me. I met him right after I moved back home from college and he had just finished his undergrad (even though he was 29). I was introduced to him though my best friend (who secretly had a thing for him and stopped talking to me when we first started dating) and he was talking about how happy he was to be single and away from his bitch ex. I had also just gotten out of a terrible, 4 year-long relationship and I was also happy to be single. We hit it off right away and within a week were dating. I found out after our first date that he was applying to law schools so I was excited about that too. BUT there were some problems:
1- His ex was making 6 figures and wanted him to live with her while he completed his undergrad. So she paid for everything (the luxury apt, utilities, food, etc). Turns out she was a psycho who had never been in a relationship before so that lasted 2 years. She still harasses both of us till this day. It doesn’t make it easier that she sent me an email asking how it feels to be used.
2- We were both living with our parents and lived a half hour away from each other. When he started law school and I got a good paid internship, we started hanging out before and after work/school. We got extremely close through this and I fell deeply in love with him.
3- He got into a fight with his dad and had to move out. He put an insane amount of pressure on me to find a full time job so that we could move in together. I busted my ass and finally found one when my internship was ending. We actually signed a lease for a place before I found out I got the job. That’s how desperate he was to get out of his house. He ended up failing his first semester of law school because of the stress at home.
4- We had a terrible time finding an apt because he has awful credit and I didn’t have enough. Luckily a friend was able to get us into a tiny, overpriced place in a trendy part of town. My boyfriend made me open 3 different credit cards just so we could pay for things we needed. These have yet to be paid off. He made me open another one for xmas and begged me buy expensive gifts for his 7 nieces and nephews.
5- My job is mostly work from home until we get a bigger office, and since it’s entry level, it’s not very much. He doesn’t take my job seriously and expects me to tend to him when I’m home. The ONLY thing he does is the dishes. It doesn’t help that he has a bad back and no insurance, so when he got a crap job bouncing on weekend nights and threw out his back, I had to tend to his EVERY need for weeks.
6- My car broke down and I had to get another one. My parents kindly offered to pay for the down payment for a lease since I wouldn’t have to worry about maintenance costs until I was better on my feet. He flipped out about this even though I’M the one paying the monthly payments/gas/insurance.
7- I wanted to get a second job since I couldn’t afford our expenses and I wanted to go back to being a shot girl since it’s good money. He refused to let me in fear that I would meet someone else. Even though he works at a bar with bleach blonde bartenders flirting with him all night and random chicks coming up to him. (I know this because the few times I actually went out with my friends and visited him, I’d have to watch it happen. Then he’d flip out if any guy came to talk to our group).
8- So I work hard all week and can no longer afford to go out on weekends. It’s counterproductive for me to go out since he’s only working 12 hours per weekend and I’d probably spend half of what he makes in a night on drinks.
9- THEN right before our December rent was due he tells me he ran out of his student loan money. My boss so nicely gave me a xmas bonus which had to go straight to our overpriced rent.
10- I just found out a couple days ago he failed his finals and got kicked out of school. Before I left for a meeting this morning I asked him to call a staffing agency and fix an issue with our comcast bill. I come back from the meeting and he’s lying in bed and says “ah! I didn’t think you’d be back for a couple more hours”.
I’m so frustrated. I can’t tell anyone about it because they will look at me like I’m crazy for staying in this situation. I really truly love him, but he’s 31 and has already failed 2 semesters of law school. He thinks he can get readmitted next semester. This will put us further in debt when he’s done with school. Also, he will be about 35 before we can start even thinking about having kids. We were going to get engaged last year but I found a letter in his pants pocket a couple weeks ago while I was sorting laundry from Zales, notifying him they denied his credit application.
What am I going to do???
Yes, Anna run! 2 years is nothing. Pack up your bags and move in with your parents. Break all ties with your boyfriend if you haven’t done so already. So what if u have a lease on a place, pay what you have to. Keep working as hard as you have been but for yourself not your loser boyfriend. Please listen to the advice. I wish you the best.
Honey, you run. Run far far away from him. Let me tell you, I’m in the same relationship. He hasnt worked in 3 years, NOR will he even LOOK unless I do it even then it’s unlikely he’ll show for the interview. Last year alone he put me 70 in debt. I’m stuck for now at least because we have a 6month old and I’m in no place to start over but had I listened to others when they told me to run when he was acting as your BF is….My life would be sooo much better.
My boyfriend is a “DJ” he is always trying to
Work on making new tracks or find the next
Party to play at… This is all fine, but the problem
Is he doesn’t make money at the shows, what he makes
Barely covers the gas to get there and back…
I’ve been with him for almost six months, he has
No “real” job and I pay for everything… I don’t know
How to break it to him, but he needs a real job..
I can’t keep paying all the bills alone… This has been building
And building… I don’t know what I should do other then break
Up with him. The problem is I love his company and he is super
Sweet to me, but every time I tell him to get a job that brings a
Steady income he turns into an asshole.. He says he needs to
Work on dj’in and finding a job stops him from his dreams… I don’t see
Why he can’t Dj on the weekends and work a steady job during the week days
Until his dj’ing career actually gets big. I’m feeling like a bitch… I don’t want
To nag, but I know it’s not fair for me.. Nothing has ever been free
For me and I work hard for my money..
i am so tired. just emotionally exhausted. my boyfriend moved into my apartment and i thought we would naturally split everything down the middle. nobody gets a free ride, i thought. well, i was an idiot for not having the “talk” prior to him moving in. i paid for EVERYTHING for months. when the lease was up, i wanted to move (i would have anyway, with or without him…i hated my apartment). we decided to rent a modest house. at this point he was working more, so i thought it would be okay. as the big moving day got closer and closer, he started to mope around and act really stressed. i asked what was wrong and he said he was so panicked about the expense of moving into the house (the security deposit and first months rent). i had a great job, but wasn’t rich by any means. so, in an act of pity and love, i said i would get us into the house and he could make it up to me in the future by taking a few months of rent. he agreed and thanked me. cried, even. well…months go by and i’m still paying more than half my share. all the utilities. he borrows my car because his sucks and he doesn’t fill it up. any time i bring up this issue (i’ve tried EVERY angle…being understanding, taking blame, being direct, being mean…every angle) he gets defensive and angry and it’s a self pity party. i give up! i love him SO MUCH, but my resentment is ridiculous. it’s not fair. because of his inability to get predictable work and contribute fairly, i now have terrible credit, struggling to pay MY expenses (credit card, student loans, cell, car insurance, gas, food). i don’t want to sound or feel like a bitch, but i didn’t grow up this way. my family was upper middle class because they worked hard and were smart with their finances. i’m not used to struggling like this. it wasn’t in my plan. i have a master’s degree for a reason. and now, because he grew up differently, with not a lot of work ethic (obviously)…all talk and no action, I’M suffering and slowly becoming poor as hell. literally, i have almost no money anymore. he doesn’t seem to understand the magnitude of resentment i feel or why. he doesn’t get it. he says he feels horrible and so guilty and ashamed, but he doesn’t CHANGE anything. he doesn’t work for steady work or supplemental income to help me feel less overwhelemed. and now…we hardly have sex. he doesn’t seem to be in the mood very much and i don’t feel the chemistry i used to feel. i’m sure it’s because i’m very angry. and i’m sure he feels inadequate as a result of all of this. but come on…CHANGE your behavior, man! now i think i have to leave him. but i love him. this is horrible.
I really don’t know how to even give some help. I read posts like this and I just want to copy/paste them but I have no idea how to put nicely a response because I’m still in limbo trying to figure out how much “love” should we need to carry all these… this is purely self steem. That’s my conclusion we need to achieve this self esteem to move on…
So I’ve been with my bf for a year and a half (on and off for about 4 before that, long story short the Army does not mix well with relationships), when we moved in (over a year ago) he had just gotten back from Iraq and we both assumed he would be able to find work, but has not…the first few months were like a honeymoon to us because we hadn’t seen each other in so long, but a year and a half later he is still out of work. Our relationship is suffering because of it. We aren’t able to get engaged or married or get a house or move on with our life together, and I’m afraid that I’m starting to get resentful just because it’s been SO LONG. I don’t want to keep living with my bf if it’s not going anywhere. Our sex life is starting to suffer as I’m not in the mood as much because we don’t go out on dates or do anything romantic that couples do.