Everything Seemed Fine, But He Cheated…Why?
QUESTION:
Julie asks: “What makes a guy in a good, solid relationship blindside a woman, ex. what Jesse James did to Sandra Bullock?
I feel like Sandra Bullock.”
ANSWERS:
Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>
The problem is, we really don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes, do we? Yes, we hate Jesse for what he did to Miss Congeniality, but the cracks in the foundation could have been laid way before his foray. My answer is: the relationship might have been “good,” but it wasn’t “great.”
Take this for example: I can go to a “good” steak restaurant, and the next time I’m in the mood for more steak, I can try another “good” restaurant. However, if I have a “great” steak restaurant, I’ll tend to stick with it. I’m not comparing restaurants to women, but ultimately the relationship has to be “great” for both people involved.
I can guarantee you that Lady Antebellum’s song “When You Got a Good Thing” wasn’t written about Jesse and Sandra’s relationship. To quote the chorus:
“Cause baby when the ground starts shakin
You gotta know…when you’ve got a good thing”
And BTW, I do appreciate the irony that they use “good” instead of “great,” but the lyrics wouldn’t have gelled as nicely as they do with “good.” Listen to the song (they rock!), read the lyrics, and tell me if you can associate this song to Jesse and Sandra….or better yet, can you associate it to you?
Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>
Why does anyone blindside their mate? They’re not as happy as the other person perceives that they are. As a longtime NYC dater, you get used to thinking there is always something better out there than your current situation. Guys are simple animals.
I think Tommy Lee said it best, “for every hot girl out there, there’s some guy who’s tired of _____ her.” Give a guy the temptation of a really hot girl and the excitement of something different, and you have a recipe for disaster. I’m not a believer in monogamy to begin with, so I’m never shocked to hear that X dumped Y because he met a hot young thing. On another note, if you try to keep a guy on a short leash, he’s gonna leave. What’s the divorce rate again? ‘Nuff said.
Mr. Loves Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>
Pure animal lust…although I have no idea what Jesse James saw in Kat Von D?! But, to each his own. Eyes are always going to wander, no matter what you have at home, no matter how much in love you are, no matter how much you genuinely care about the person you are with. One day, you’ll be walking down the street and you’ll see someone that you just want.
Many of my friends who have been in relationships for years do the “open” relationship thing. I don’t really subscribe to that idea, but I do understand it. Sex is just sex while business is business and love is love. But, people seem to get all of that mixed up and confused and turn sex into love and business into sleeping with their secretary. I think the problem comes in when you fool around and fall in love…then what do you do with the person you care(d) about? The old Irish proverb goes, “A man loves his mistress the most, but his wife the best.” It is when the mistress goes from “most” to best” that the problems arise. I guess the “guy” doesn’t see that “switch” coming and, apparently, neither does the woman…who ends up blindsided.
Mr. Sensitive and Scientific SEE BIO NOW>
What a fascinating question! I’m truly sorry that your guy made you feel like Sandra Bullock. I was recently left by a woman who I thought I had a “solid relationship” with. While my perspective was that everything was rosy, she had a deep internal struggle and was profoundly dissatisfied, which caused her to leave. If your guy left, you didn’t have a solid relationship…you just didn’t know what was going on in his head.
That said, what differentiates a cheater from a committed man is mostly DNA. It’s what Heraclitus observed, “character is destiny.” If he’s cheated before, it’s likely to happen again. A decent, moral person ends the relationship the moment they know there’s a problem (to her credit, my ex did just that). Yours did not.
For men, the “solid” guy who truly cares about you won’t change over time. Women approaching childbearing years who’ve had a wild youth often do a 180 and decide to settle down. Men have no biological imperative, no biological clock. A guy who wants a marriage and children will feel it to his core (at least once he approaches maturity). A guy who wants to philander will never change. Regret, maybe, but who cares? What you should be focused on is being happy that a cheater left you, not the fantasy you had about your future.
GIRL TALK TIME: Why do you think guys cheat? Have you ever been blindsided in a relationship? What happened?
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20 Comments
Post a Commentim still with my boyfriend he had cheated on me while i trusted him to go to Atlantic city with his friend he told me that he was joking around and showing of with his friend but that was a lie because after they came back to the hotel he was texting the girl and flirting i cant trust him or his friend at all
What is wrong with people? How can someone cheat on someone else in a committed relationship and then ever look that person in the eye again? I agree that both men and women cheat, but I don’t get why. No integrity, I guess. Just end the relationship first. Sad. And scary that there are so many people like that out there.
In my opinion, it’s just in a man’s nature to cheat. They may love their mate but love really has nothing to do with it. On the other hand, I feel women cheat just as much as men, they just dont make stupid mistakes and get caught as much as men do. As people, everyone makes mistakes and we will all regret something or another when we find that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side, that good old 80/20 rule.
don’t think we will ever no the answer 2 that ? i think 95% of men cheat
I agree with lesley no stopping.
I cannot believe this guy took an entire year to get close to me and all for nothing! He wanted nothing! Kept me on a string for a while but I finally got it, it was a hit and run over and over again.
How can a man do be so low?
Women cheat too…
how do you get over a crush?
At the end of the day, no matter what the reason or excuse is, this fact is true. Men who cheat do so b/c they encounter/find an opportunity to release their lustful impulses.
I agree–A man is only as faithful as his options. If someone is putting it out there, he’s more than likely gonna take the bait!
It still doesnt make it right (or hurt less for that matter). I’ve had it said that “men think with their other ‘head’” while we actually use our heads..i dunno. lol. Still, dont make a woman settle herself into thinking she is secure when you feel you arent into the relationship.
I have to agree with Mr. Sensitive on more then a few of his commitments….But the most important is that once a person knows that there in a relationship that there really not happy or satisfied with…They should just END it ASAP….
I loved this line: “A decent, moral person ends the relationship the moment they know there’s a problem”. What’s happened to morality? People are cheating and not thinking about the consequences or how it would feel for them in return. You have to look inside and not sugar coat things. Be real with yourself and accept some things just don’t work and someone is going to get hurt regardless… LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD!!
Well put…now if females would just take this advice and move on instead of trying to make relationships work with males that continue to cheat on them!!!
Agreed. Cheating hurts. If you are not happy, just leave. Much easier to deal with and move on then the ultimate betrayal. Also be aware that sometimes its the person themselves. They know the relationship is not quite right, but are too afraid of of being alone to just move on without lining up the next encounter.
I loved this line: “A decent, moral person ends the relationship the moment they know there’s a problem”. What’s happened to morality? People are cheating and not thinking about the consequences or how it would feel for them in return. You have to look inside and not sugar coat things. Be real with yourself and accept some things just don’t work and someone is going to get hurt regardless… LOVE IS A BATTLEFIELD!!
Its sad to see how frequent and accepted cheating has become in today’s society. Personally I think that it speaks to the moral breakdown of our generation. But I agree with the guys opinion that just because one party in a relationship thinks things are going well doesn’t mean the other person is feeling the same thing. Sometimes we can be blindsinded because we’ve been closing our eyes to a problem developing. Mr Sensitive does have a point, that when you are able to stop feeling sad, you can actually be glad that the cheater is now out of your life.
Alot of the time I think its out of fear of commitment. They don’t want to be confined to just one person.
I have to agree with Mr. Sensitive. Women seem to know at a certain age that they are ready for marriage and children while men have to feel it right to the core of their being when they meet that special woman. If a man cheats on a woman then the relationship should be over. He will always cheat again at some point again…maybe even after marrying her.
i totally agree with you. once a cheater, always a cheater.