Help! I’m Living with a Couple
I have an unwanted roommate. I may be from New York, but surprisingly enough this article is not about roaches, rats or bedbugs (knock on wood that I never share a space with them!). It’s about a human roommate, one who isn’t on the lease. Yes, I’m basically living with my roomie’s boyfriend.
No matter how nice, polite or amiable this other person may be, feeling like you live with a couple is still a pain; especially in an inevitably closet-sized New York apartment. Coming home and being subjected to a gourmet pasta meal and a cuddle-sesh to the drone of a cheesy Redbox-rented flick for a two-some that does not include me is kind of like watching My Best Friend’s Wedding over and over again—cute and amusing at first, but after 10 too many replays in a short period of time, it gets old.
Alas, my complaint is not due to bitterness. I myself have a boyfriend who comes over on average two nights a week. But he does not leave half his wardrobe at my place, rarely uses our shower, and does not cook meals using our dishes and leave them out overnight. In the event that he would want to virtually live with me or stay with me more often (five or more nights of sleep-overs a week defines “basically living together” for me), I think I would have to run it by my real roommate first.
So, my dilemma is entirely that I did not sign up for this. It says on my lease that I am to have one female roommate. Nowhere on my lease did it say: you will be subjected to canoodling in the public common areas, you will mediate fights, your roommate’s boyfriend will mistake her for you thus yelling “their” baby name at you…or you will get a surprise house-guest five nights a week!
Like a big girl, I have talked to my roommate about this; slash I may or may not have word-vommed it all up after I was fed up of feeling like awkward third-wheel Kim Kardashian to Kourtney Kardashian and Scott Disick (except this couple never even orders me breakfast!). Will it get better? I don’t know. I was met with, “Well, do you want me to break up with him?” and other such ridiculous defenses.
I would move out, I would live alone…but anyone who has ever dealt with New York real estate knows what a money-sucking debacle leases and rent expenses are. I like the other roommate, and I tried hard not to hurt my real roommate’s feelings, but again, if I had wanted to live with a couple in a small space, I would have Craigslisted specifically for that.
GIRL TALK TIME: Have you ever been in this situation? Who was the other roommate? How did you confront your real roommate? Was the problem resolved? Help!
Cart
18 Comments
Post a CommentSame here!!! I have the same problem or even WORSE. I signed my lease with two friends, a girl and a boy (who didn’t know each other, APPARENTLY) well finally settled in the apartment, after 3 months, i caught them having sex. This wasn’t the first time, they were together even before we decided to live together. Knowing about i after so much time it wasn’t respectful at all. How could they? If i knew about it i would never sign this lease. I hate leaving with a couple, don’t get me wrong I’m happy for them but not in my house, please. Snuggle time is 24/7, unexpected noises at night, making plans only for two, and going to bed at 9pm. I never thought it would be so annoying living with a couple. BUT this is not all, the guy is all over yoga, energy and zen philosophy and vegetarian, and of course the girlfriend does everything he does. So there is no other conversation in this house than vegetarian food, how bad is meat, and YOGA. this is hell!!!! Im all the time frustrated, annoyed and depressed. Please help me, how can I distract myself?
I was living in the UK for 3 months during the summer. Long story short. I was 18 years old, first time working abroad. Was living with a latvian/russian family. They were about 30ish and 26 years old. Basically. Whenever i came back from work, we were watching some russian romantic sitcoms. Seriously. There was nothing to do. The TV was broken, and the laptop was used for just watching that. Nothing else. Can you imagine it? And i’ll be fair, i had nothing else to do. Well, i could go to gym, but i was pretty exhausted after 9 to 5 work (or more like 8.39 to 4.30 in UK) so i pretty much spent a lot of time watching with them. It was horrible. I dread ever having to experience it again. I actually went and bought vodka (overpriced, might i say. 0,5L for 10 pounds?) and drank it just to make THAT seem fun. Damn. And it was just 3 months. Felt like a lifetime. Hopefully it’ll go better for me in the future
I have never been in this situation and hope I won’t have to! If I were you I would have my boyfriend purposely do the exact same thing for about a week or two even a month and see how she feels. Her boyfriend may miraculously stop coming over one day. Try it… It doesn’t hurt… You spoke to her what other option do you have besides having to move out!
I’ve never been in this situation but I’d pull her to the side and invite her out for breakfast the next day just me and her. I’d explain how I felt about the situation and listen to her point of view. I’d let her know that it’s becoming a problem and since he’s there so much maybe we should split the rent in thirds instead of just half. Funny how when people talk money,problems always get resolved QUICKLY.
UGH, never been in this situation and hope i never have to be
Address the situation as he is living rent free. Your contributing to his share. Maybe it’s time to find a new place
I agree! Good luck
Never been in that situation but i feel sorry for you hope everything work out.
Never been in the situation, but I have stayed at a friend’s place overnight where once him and my best friend decided to knock boots. And his place was being renovated, so he didn’t even have a bedroom door, but a curtain! Super awkward.
Never been in this situation, but it’s crazy
This is why having roommates suck. Thank God I’ve never had to deal with that nonsense. If her roomie isn’t willing to pay up for her live in boyfriend, then she and her boyfriens/moocher need to move out instead.
Hear, hear! I’ve only had roomies twice – the 1st broke up a long friendship, the 2nd was full of schedule and money problems (with a crazy neighbor to boot). Sometimes I’d have BFs over but certainly not to this extent, and neither did my roomies. Living solo rocks.
you should’nt have to deal with that. if your roommate is an adult and still cant take to consideration that her man is literally living there RENT FREE, then it’s time to talk to your landlord. i live in the NYC and i know that wouldnt want to be paying as much as we do to deal with nonsense like that. you shouldnt be the one considering to move out. if anything THEY should move in together.
thank God ive never been in this situation
Yep, been there. The best was when he came home after the gym, striped down to his gym shorts, and laid down on our couch in all his sweaty grossness. Or when he used to sit at the kitchen table and eat dinner without his shirt on. I also agree that there isn’t much that you can do about it without it getting ugly. You’ve talked to her and got no where. Time to hit up Craigslist!
I agree with catline1 and lesley. Just can’t do much, tough it out and find a new place.
There really isn’t much you can do about this situation. If you’ve already talked to her and you yourself have a boyfriend stay over the situation isn’t going to change. Either find a new place to live or you have to deal with it.
What does the lease say? What will be the consequence if he’s found to be living there? Is your roommate +1 willing to help you find somewhere else & pay expenses if the landlord finds out & plans to evict for “breech of contract”?