Tuning Out the Drama
I seldom make formal New Year’s resolutions. I’m a positive person and I try to make changes where I see fit, but I rarely use New Year’s as the prime opportunity to do so. Last year however, I made a positive change that I’m proud of.
I am still fresh-ish out of college and am fortunate to have many friends that I made while I was there, but a lot of these friendships were formed out of convenience. Recognizing that, I never expected (or planned) to maintain relationships with all of those people. Whether in the same dorm, sorority etc., college was a bubble, and while at one point in my life I trusted them, confided in them and had good times with them, they weren’t my nearest or dearest and weren’t necessarily people I would have befriended if not for the circumstances.
There was one girl with an obvious sense of entitlement, but my friends were friends with her, so we ended up becoming pals. We had our share of tiffs at school, but more often than not we were chummy, watching TV together and taking turns paying for rounds at the bar. After graduation, all of the things that had bugged me about her in the past escalated. Our friendship went from convenient to forced.
I started to contact her less and turned down plans. We were in the transitional post-college mindset so it wasn’t obvious that I was phasing her out. Call me non-committal, but I don’t cut people out of my life or make definitive statements often. Instead, I kept bearing it, hoping she would eventually fade out. Ideally, we could see each other out and be civil, but I didn’t want to feel controlled by her or her “friendship.”
This friend was the type who was insulted if other pals went out without her, and somehow, included or not, I was always in the wrong. Every tagged picture and Facebook wall post gave me anxiety, for fear that she’d realize I’d been out without her. My kinda-friendship plan didn’t last long, and things went from bad to worse. A situation occurred where as per usual I did nothing wrong but was accused of such, and she probed at me until I unleashed my feelings. We are no longer friends and I am completely relieved.
I don’t believe in deleting phone numbers or swearing people off, but when someone has such an immense negative energy, they simply don’t deserve to be in your life. So, don’t be afraid to be the happiest you, even if it means making some scary changes. Do I wish every relationship could be peachy? Of course, but friendships aren’t always rainbows and butterflies…or TV marathons and kamikaze shots. Cheers to 2011!
-Lynden Halpern
Girl Talk Time: Have you ever had a situation like this? Are there any people you cut out of your life? What are your New Year’s resolutions?
Cart
11 Comments
Post a CommentI’ve definitely been in this situation. Although it feels bad at the time, it feels refreshing to rid yourself of negative people in your life.
Nothing is healthier or honestly sadder than getting rid of a friend that you care for but who drained you b/c of her never ending drama and negative energy. I’ve done this a few times and although it sucked, my life has always been better for it. It’s simply not worth it to keep such negativity around in your life b/c even though it may not be directed AT you, sooner or later, it WILL affect you friendship and goodwill. I’m not saying to bail out on a good friend who’s going through a rough time, but if thier negativity causes them to become unlikable and you choose to avoid them all the time as a result, then that’s a sign that it’s time to move on.
I couldn’t have said it any better and it is a relief to hear someone else that thinks the same way. Recently, I have had a “friend” that has been draining and honestly not speaking to her has been a relief, I have noticed less drama, and I am actually a lot happier!!
This is such an interesting article as I find myself in this same situation. I am not one to intentionally go out and cut people out of my life but sometimes friendships end because people grow apart and move on. There is a saying that people come into you life for a reason, season and lifetime. However, when a friendship is negative and causing anxiety it is time to go your seperate ways.
No, don’t have this problem. If I don’t like someone I don’t hang out with them. I don’t fake it. I’m straight forward.
I tend to steer clear of the drama, cuz once you get sucked in you automatically become involved in some odd way….
Yes. I must say I’m pretty good at that… I’m not one of those people who go back and forth with any unhealthy relationship. I just completely ignore that person and delete him/her out of my life. Move on!
this is part of life. with each stage in life there are some people you keep and others you don’t. you should not fear a friend. you did the right thing. Here’s to a healthy and happy 2011!!
out with the old and in with the new and improve
I’ve cut one person in my life….or at least i’m trying to
I’ve been in a similar situation and honestly you did the right thing. Friends come and go. You can’t have negative energy around you b/c that will only poison you. Not only that but sometimes we just grow out of certain friends b/c we all go in different directions. The friends that stay with you longer and for years to come are your true friends b/c they know you and will never change you.