Don’t Be a Booty Call in 2011

Hilary is one of my favorite clients—she’s 32, beautiful, accomplished, and sincerely seeking partnership, marriage and family with an equally remarkable man. This past summer I was happy to have the chance to introduce Hilary to Glen, a cute, highly successful 36-year-old marketing consultant whose dating life was full and active, but who was still looking for an ideal partner for lifelong love, marriage and family.

Does Glen want to be a husband and a father? Yes…or he never would have stepped foot into my matchmaking office this past July. And along the way, is he enjoying dating and being Mr. Free? Yes to that too. He mentioned to me that he’s enjoying dating and that once he does find his girl, he’ll be Mr. Loyal, committed to her and to the family they’ll create together. Is he a great catch? Yep. Is he dangerous to date? Could be…if she’s too easy…

We women are much more driven toward commitment, marriage and family planning since we have a biological window we need to manage. Especially during those sweet young years of a woman’s life, she is wise to maximize every opportunity she has with the men who appear to have the right attributes, qualities and characteristics for long-term partnership. Explore the possibilities…all of them, ladies, and be careful not to blow it (pun intended) with a man who might actually be a contender for the long term.

Here’s how a booty call turned into something much, much more.

Glen really messed up initially. He called Hilary for the first time at 9:45 on a Wednesday night in August, saying, “Would you like to pop on over to my place tonight? I’m on my deck looking at the moon and the ocean. Want to join me?”

Hilary is a sophisticated, classy girl with Southern roots; she’s accustomed to being courted in a more traditional way, and she was offended and truly put off by his suggestion that she just come on over to his place for a first meeting, late at night, midweek. She was also disappointed, as she was really considering him as a viable contender for the role of leading man in her life.

But how she handled this challenging situation was so perfect—rather than coming back at him with a pissy, huffy, irritated tone or comment, she said in a sweet, playful voice, “Well, now let me see…if I were the booty call girl, I might be open to that idea, but I’m more the type you might want to court and keep, the type you will be proud to introduce to your mama, so how about let’s meet for a more traditional date over the weekend and if we flip for each other, then later on, we’ll see about that late-night booty call.”

First off, she was quick on her feet, managing his inappropriate “date invitation” with grace, putting herself in a really favorable light. She kept her options open with this particular man, rather than snapping back in anger, compromising his manhood, turning him off instantly, causing him to slink away like a wounded animal. And secondly, she gently stood her ground, letting him know what kind of a girl she is, even planting the seed in his mind that she’s the kind of girl a man will want to keep. And the bonus gift she gave to him is a lesson in what not to do in his dating rituals. Whether these two were to stick together or not, she helped him learn more about how to initiate a first date with a nice girl.

It’s my hope that each encounter you have in your journey into relationships leaves both you and the other person better, stronger and smarter as a result.

And what’s happening with Hilary and Glen? They’re seeing each other exclusively and he’s bringing her home to meet his parents in Baltimore over New Year’s.

-Julie Ferman of Cupid’s Coach

Julie Ferman is Cupid’s Coach. She’s a personal matchmaker and dating coach, responsible for over 1,100 marriages.

Julie founded her personal matchmaking and dating coaching service, Cupid’s Coach to dignify and simplify the love search process for selective, relationship-minded professionals. The company is currently California’s largest, fastest growing personal introduction service and is rapidly expanding, with 50 locations throughout the U.S.

Julie met her husband of 20 years through a proactive love search of her own, and has spent every day since helping the rest of us fall in love and stay in love. Julie Ferman knows the love business and is eager to share her secrets with us.

Single love seekers: Register privately, for free, to be found when we’re searching for our clients: CupidsCoach.com

PLUS, Did you catch Julie on Dr. Phil? Julie Ferman, Cupid’s Coach, appeared on Dr. Phil as she took on the love lives of two of the Dr. Phil Housewives—Gloria and Michelle.

Dr. Phil brought in Cupid’s Coach to be the dating coach and personal matchmaker for these two ladies. Let us know if you spotted Julie!

GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think of Julie’s tips? Have you ever been a booty call? How do you keep this from happening?

17 Comments

Post a Comment
  • jane14:

    thats a really smart way of getting what you want =)

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  • lustyds:

    A smart lady…………….

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  • Kat:

    You go Hilary!

    {Reply}
  • Wayne:

    This is a very encouraging article to read. I’ve lately been saying that while women aren’t obligated to give dating advice to the men that they go on dates with, it can be a huge favor to the men if they do. I always greatly appreciate it whenever a woman tells me whether I did or didn’t do the right things in initiating a first date with her, and I wish more of them had done so honestly when I was younger. Sure, I had female friends give me plenty of dating advice, but none of them were actually THERE to witness all the things I did wrong in my approach to dating. So I ended up learning those things on my own when I was much older.

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  • Sonia Chowdhury:

    booty calls are so high school. when you move on to your professional life, it’s time to get serious. i mean if you’re one of those that want to be a booty call for life, so then be it. but as you get older, it changes.

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  • JENNY ARCE:

    I have been a booty call, but that was only after i realized that that relationship wasn’t going to amount to anything more that just that…

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  • MizzOCD:

    I’ve been a booty call at times & honestly I enjoyed it.
    Why?
    It gave me a chance to be the MALE [not literally]
    I call and a hot man is at my doorstep.
    & after he picks up and leaves.
    The downfall was when feelings started getting attached.
    When that happens jealousy will show its face.
    Thats the key ‘no strings attached’. Just like the movie :-)
    Its like living the life of Samantha Jones.

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  • nich:

    Great article, being a booty call is not the way to go in looking for love, feelings get hurt and it’s usual us ladies!

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  • Joy:

    I hope the Cupid Coach lectured Glen about his booty call. It’s kinda offensive.

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  • Crispy:

    It’s ok if both people are on the same page

    {Reply}
  • mortiz:

    Booty calls are okay if its something that both people agree to, once one person catches feeling, it messes everything up. Been there, done that. Actually been there, still there :( Hopefully the new year brings me enough will power to stop the bad habits.

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    1. sayalot:

      is it bad if it’s what you want :)

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  • penelope:

    i liked that come back

    {Reply}
  • avatar
    Pamela:

    I have experienced being a booty call and it’s no fun. Feelings get hurt and it turns into a mess.

    {Reply}
  • Lesley:

    This is great advice! Takes time to meet the right man and to live and learn! :)

    {Reply}
  • Joy:

    I really enjoy these articles from Julie of Cupid’s coach. Great and wise advice.

    {Reply}

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