Most men seem to be missing that “listening” section of their brain…or it seems like if they do hear us out, they view our requests, needs and wants as pure nagging. We were so glad when commenter “keonmarks” asked a question about listening and nagging, and we’re so excited to reveal the answers from our real men.
See their surprising responses and submit a question of your own. Our men could solve your male mystery next time around.
“I’m considered a NAG, but in actuality I’m just telling my husband what I want or expect to keep me satisfied in our relationship, whether it’s him putting his clothes/shoes in the closet, giving me attention by being responsive when I talk, etc. He can ALWAYS repeat what I say if I accuse him of not listening, but he never says anything, just sits there. I get so frustrated because I feel like he doesn’t listen, and at that point, it’s hard to say what I need from him in a nice manner. How do I get him to do the simple things to keep me happy without me nagging after he ignores me?”
Mr. Love Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>
Make happy thine self…well, Shakespeare actually said, “To thine own self be true.” But, that is the general idea. Don’t rely on anybody else to do anything to make you happy—do it yourself. And, consider anything else that comes your way a bonus. That way, you will not need to “NAG” your husband for anything and, since you’ll be taking care of things yourself, they’ll be done and you’ll be happy. On top of that, you won’t need to be unhappy about not being heard and not having things done for you…imagine how happy that’ll make you and your husband!
Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>
Nobody wants to date their nagging mom. It’s not sexy, it’s not fun and it only ends in me resenting that person. Usually when I resist what I know my significant other (or insignificant other) wants, it’s because I’m trying to push her away. It’s a sign of bigger problems. Some guys are honestly just slobs and then tune you out…but more often than not, if I want to make my partner happy, I’ll go the extra step. If I don’t, I’ll play the stupid lazy guy role just because I can.
Look a little deeper than wanting him to pick up his socks. Ask yourself this question: “Am I still exciting to my boyfriend or husband?” If you can’t answer yes and really back it up, then re-evaluate the situation and work on your relationship, and don’t worry about being a drill sergeant with the cleanest barracks. Pretty soon you might find him in some other woman’s barracks. Again, nobody wants to date their nagging mom.
Mr. Sensitive and Scientific SEE BIO NOW>
Kudos to you for actually asking for what you want, rather than expecting that your man just know. You can be confident that he actually knows you’d like him to clean up after himself. Clearly the problem isn’t that he’s not listening, as he’s able to repeat everything you say. What’s missing is the motivation, and that’s likely emotional. In the early stages of a relationship, each party wants to satisfy the other and they look for ways to fulfill the needs of the other.
Now you’re married and stuck with each other. You’re complaining and I’d imagine he has things to complain about too. Rather than persist in this negative cycle, start providing feedback when he does something right. Cultivate your core relationship to engage in his emotional side. And stop accusing him of not listening, listening isn’t the problem.
Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>
Nobody wants to be told what they should do, especially on a consistent basis by a wife you see every day. Was he like this before you married him?If you married him and he was always like this, it’s not his fault, it’s yours. Many of us have a hope that we evolve as we get older, but sometimes that is not the case.
But if he wasn’t like this before you got married, find a more constructive way of influencing his behavior. Freud said that everything you and I do springs from two motives: the sex urge and the desire to be important. Focusing on the latter, this could be more compliments, appreciation, etc. Ultimately, for your husband to do the things you want him to do, he has to want to. How can that happen? You may want to read: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie ($12.40 on Amazon.com).
GIRL TALK TIME: What question do you have for our men? Comment with your question below and they could answer YOUR issue next time around. PLUS, you’re earning 2 OMG Points every time you comment.