After a very successful first post where our men weighed in about their turn-offs, our panel is back to advise on another mysterious boy behavior. There were a lot of good questions asked, but we could only choose one. Remember—if we didn’t pick yours this go-round, submit it in the comments and we’ll consider it for next time.
Our next question comes from from Noelle Landis:
“Um, why do you disappear with no fair warning? The Houdini act is NOT cool and I’m in my early 30s!!!”
Interesting that you refer to the Houdini “Disappearing” act! Houdini himself was not the subject of the “disappearing” act, but rather an elephant or some other object did the disappearing. Houdini was actually an escapologist getting out of things such as the Overboard Box, Suspended Straight Jacket, Being Buried Alive or a set of Handcuffs. You need to ask yourself: Is it that the men you date a few times “disappear” or are they “escaping”? Dating is tough. I went through my share of guys who would leave the evasive “It’s not you, it’s me” voicemail. I too found it frustrating. What I really needed to know was: what were they escaping from? What did I need to do differently? I mean, who wouldn’t want an extremely hot, short, bald, animal-loving man who can cook? Alas, after lots of trying, I finally found someone who I loved…I set them free…and they came back…now I’m stuck with them!
-Mr. Love Boys Too SEE BIO NOW>
Why do we disappear? There are a couple of reasons:
1. I met someone else and at that point you have become insignificant in my life and I don’t want to have a big dramatic fallout.
2. This was clearly more serious to you than it was to me and I’m taking it as casually as I can, and that means not calling when I lose interest.
3. I think you’re a psycho and I want you to go away…fast.
4. I’m a chicken shit and simply not mature enough to have an “I don’t want to see you anymore” conversation…so being the weenie that I am, I just fade away and hope you will go away quietly as well.
…You know the “it’s not you, it’s me” speech? Well most of the time, it’s you. You read too much into the situation and don’t go in with your eyes open. Nine out of 10 times your friends can tell that I’m the terminal bachelor and will never change, but they’re too busy being supportive. That’s like telling a bald guy that he only has a slightly receding hairline.
-Mr. Noncommittal SEE BIO NOW>
Guys disappear for all of the same reasons that a girl who gives her phone number at a bar doesn’t return calls the next day. We just do it over a longer timeframe. At the beginning hooking up seems like a good idea, but after we’ve been in the relationship for a while (which might be around the moment it starts getting called “a relationship”), and the guy has gotten what he wanted (usually sex), the realization might set in that while hooking up was fun, he’s not ready for a full-blown commitment. Not returning phone calls is just the passive aggressive wimp way of conveying all of those truths. That said, I often engage in the painful “this isn’t working” conversation, but to be totally frank, it rarely works out better than “the Houdini,” both for her and for me. Once it’s over, it’s time to move on, not to keep talking over what went wrong.
-Mr. Sensitive and Scientific SEE BIO NOW>
I sound like a Sex and the City episode, but if a guy disappears, he obviously isn’t interested in you. It could be that he met somebody else, that he wasn’t interested in the first place or just wanted a cute date to impress—but in the end, you’re much better off with the guy disappearing. Get closer to a guy who cares.
-Mr. In a Relationship SEE BIO NOW>
MEET THE GUYS BEHIND THE ADVICE>
GIRL TALK TIME: What question do you have for our men? Comment with your question below and they could answer YOUR issue next time around. PLUS, you’re earning 2 OMG Points every time you comment.