Forgiveness is a funny thing. When someone you love and trust does something that breaks your faith, it can be hard to get over it. One Shecky’s Staffer has an interesting situation—she’s been on again, off again with the same guy, and even though he’s changed, sometimes she can’t forget his “off” behavior. See her story and share: What have you forgiven someone for? How did you do it? What is unforgivable in a relationship?
“I’ll fess up…I’m not that ‘old.’ A little over two years ago, just as I was about to graduate college, I found an amazing smart, sweet and cute guy. Our interests/backgrounds were so the same (obsession with Sublime—check, whacky sense of humor—definitely, same family background—yep) and we had kick-butt chemistry from the second we met. We clicked ASAP, talking on the phone or on the computer till the sun literally came up, planning to see each other although we lived states away.
It worked for about four months, but with me newly graduated and him with one more year of school to go, he pulled the infamous “fade out” move—he was supposed to come to my hometown one week when my parents were away, but he mysteriously stopped answering his phone, his Facebook, his AIM. After a few (okay, maybe like two dozen) texts brimming at the character limit, he finally got back to me that he, ‘Just couldn’t handle this right now.’ I was beyond heartbroken, but I figured I’d never see him again, so I did my best to move on.
Until he kept coming back. I eventually moved to another state for a job, but he would still contact me, promising to visit then canceling last minute. This happened at least once a month for over a year. At the time, I was dating a lot of douche-y dudes (even several at once) to try to forget him once and for all, but I still couldn’t shake our connection. I compared everyone to how well he and I got along. I would believe him every time he said he was coming, only to find myself scarfing down a welcome-back batch of brownies I made for him by myself, choking back tears for the 20th time.
Now he’s my boyfriend, and he’s done a total 180 from the person he used to be. He shows up on time, he supports me, he loves me…and I love him back. But sometimes I feel so Jekyll and Hyde about the whole thing. Most times I’m crazy in love with him, but other times I feel like I can’t forget that the monster he was is still somewhere inside the very same person I adore. Those last minute texts (sometimes the night before!) come back to haunt me at the oddest moments. He hurt me bad, and sometimes I’m still on the defense. Believe me, we’ve gotten into fights about it—I pick him apart for everything he does wrong, he gets confused by my outbursts over seemingly ‘small’ stuff.
He’s done nothing blatantly wrong the whole time we’ve been officially dating and I am his first girlfriend ever. Should I get over what he did? How? I really do love him, but this whole situation is hard and so complicated.”
GIRL TALK TIME: What do you think about the Staffer’s situation? Have you ever gone through anything like this? What was the hardest thing that you forgave someone for? How did you do it? What is something that you absolutely could never forgive?