He’s Perfect, But There’s No Chemistry
In case you haven’t already realized, we have a bone to pick with some ex-boyfriends, we’ve dated some really douchey guys and survived some hilariously bad first dates here at Shecky’s. But what happens when you find a seemingly perfect man only to find that there’s no chemistry? Do you tough it out and keep trying? Or is this a deal-breaker for you? One Staffer shares her opinion.
“I sat on the couch with my boyfriend, but that was part of the problem. All we were doing was sitting on the couch. I wasn’t on his lap, his arm wasn’t around me, there was no magnetic pull calling me over to his side. I sat confined to my corner, and him to his, laughing aimlessly at some show we were watching.
Let me give you a little background on this awkward sitch—the gentleman sitting with more imaginary telephone books between us to make a whole convent happy had already confessed his love to me. He called and texted me often and on time. He showed up when he said he would. He drove me to the mall in Christmas traffic, never let me pay for a thing (from stellar Giants tickets to every beer) and turned the radio to my station even though he hated it. My family loved him, we had the same background, some of the same career aspirations. Plus, he was tall, dark and handsome.
But I didn’t feel that zing, that inseparable must-have chemistry. I didn’t want to ruffle his hair, make-out with him the second I saw him, hold him in public unaware that anyone else was looking. And the punctuality, the precise predictability of him—traits that I thought I’d always wanted in my perfect partner—became so blatantly boring when I realized just how consistent, unsurprising and unwavering he was.
The man I let go was a great person, but in the end a few couch cushions meant everything. I tried to overcome the space between us. I attempted to accept that here was this person who loved me no-holds barred, but I need that force-field feeling in a relationship. I need a Romeo with that inexplicable electricity, that inseparable, drives-me-crazy, can’t-be-without-him sentiment. Is it okay that I’ve let a few well-qualified guys go because they didn’t meet my ‘sparks’ requirement?”
GIRL TALK TIME: Have you ever been with a great-on-paper guy but found that some little something was missing? What was it like? What kind of chemistry do YOU need? What does great chemistry mean for you? Have you ever dumped a guy because there was no spark?
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Post a CommentI’m so glad I found this post. I’m so disappointed that I don’t feel chemistry with this wonderful man I met. We met (by accident) and had just one date before he had a long business trip, and continued to communicate regularly while he was away. I hadn’t felt chemistry on the first date but as we communicated by phone/text during his trip, we both found out we had an incredible # of interests/values/personality traits in common. Indeed, I’m not sure if I’ve EVER met a man who has had more in common with me.
He’s a terrific conversationalist, outgoing, kind-hearted, financially well off, stable, decent looking, etc. etc. And to top it off he takes a genuine interest in my own interests and career, sharing advice, offering to share contacts, make introductions, etc.
We were very much looking forward to seeing each other after he returned. The date was perfect in many ways: great conversation, food, flow. Except for one thing: lack of chemistry. HE feels chemistry — he is obviously very into me. But I cannot seem to feel a spark, as much as I WANT to feel a spark.
I am sad because it has taken me ages to meet a man who seems compatible with me, and now I worry I am making a big mistake if I walk away. After reading these articles, however, I am confirming the importance of chemistry. Now I’m curious to research the chemistry of love: why are our brains wired this way? Why oh why???
gosh….chemistry is damn everything, after God we have chemitry
Haha, I typed “no chemistry but perfect in every other way” in google & this story showed up. I explored the website & ended up signing up
Anyways, my last relationship (3 years long) was built entirely on intense passion and lust. Our physical attraction to each other was out of this world and every where we went, endured high sexual tension. I stayed with him for so long because of how amazing all of that chemistry was- like everyone’s dream, we’d turn heads when out as a couple, but communication skills ? none, emotional/mental compatibility? none– this guy was the type I usually go after– outgoing, life of the party, extremely attractive, and on our first date it was honestly “lust” at first site that lasted, (but a complete jerk) & as I said above, for 3 years until I ended it after the loud, social Italian became verbally abusive. Too much kissing to too much crying. Yeah, no.
Now I’ve been single for about 9 months and just started getting out into the dating world again. I’ve been on a few dates with men that were just not for me. Learning from the last guy, I consciously make effort to focus more on deeper compatibilities than those superficial qualities..
Two weeks ago, I met a guy at my college. A student teacher–he’s working on this doctoral degree in clinical health and getting paid (well) to research and teach. So he’s smart (check), and has high income potential (check)- not that I’m a gold digger, but you have to admit, it’s sort of important to not date a complete lowlife. On top of smarts and $$, he’s super kind/friendly, chivalrous, comes from a healthy background so he’s very wholesome and no baggage!!
P-e-r-f-e-c-t but no chemistry… It’s not that I’m not attracted to him, because I am, kinda, he’s got a cute face, he’s in great shape but he’s short (like two inches below me & I’m 5’7″).. He’s got a nice car, not some rinky dinky thing, and vacuumed the hell out of it for when he picked me up for date 2 so it was like riding in a new car.
Date 1- coffee at a cute family owned cafe, he’s very shy so I did most of the talking..
Date 2- dinner at a restaurant on a lake in this nearby town that’s really beautiful, again I did most of the talking..
He calls always, is full of energy on the phone but so quiet when out with me, and it’s a turn off. I just like hunky guys- but maybe because it’s the first wholesome gentlemen I’ve met in a long time, my sisters all say to give him a shot.. This morning I woke up with a text from him asking if he could call me later, I dialed him right after preparing to tell him, “I don’t think I feel like a date 3..” then hung up mid-ring, only to have him call later, like he said, all excited about planning date 3..
I don’t know what to do, (I totally vented on this thing, sorry).. everyone’s different I know, but it sort of relates to the situation above..
Follow my gut? My gut’s confused.
my god, it is totally NORMAL. I have two cats, meebo and blackie
meebo is very handsome and sweet. He is an angel. He purrs all the time, follows me wherever I go, never steal, never fight with other cats, always at home.
Blackie is temperamental, he purrs occasionaly but most of the time he will ignore me, he steals food, fight A LOT with neighbor cats. Always making trouble.
Who I love most ?
Blackie
I had a good guy but the there was nothing there n it was hard to make it work
Chemistry is important you either have it or you dont, also alot of guys look good on paper and some relationships, on paper everything says that you should be a perfect match until your together and the park just isnt there, I had that happen as I’m sure every girl here has, we had some things in commom but when together it was just blah,its best not to force the issue,just walk away
awww
Chemistry and passion is everything….there is nothing without it. Yes after a while in a relationship things do die down a bit. But you can always get that chemistry and passion back. without it there is nothing.
I am in this exact situation,
My boyfriend is an absolute angel. He is a corporal in the army, hes a ‘man’. He’s beautiful, kind, loving, dotes on me. He will do anything to make me happy, we love the same music, the same films, we love shopping, he buys me anything, he cooks, he cleans, we think the same things,….. but I fell absolutely NO chemistry!!!….am I mental???…i do not want to be with him intimately AT ALL!!…even when he kisses me I cut it short!! I dont understand why I dnt feel anything!!?
need help…what do I do? will chemistry happen if I wait? Its getting me down!
Chemistry is key.
Chemistry is everything. I’m lucky i married my soulmate
You have to have chemistry in order for a healthy relationship to work.
This is my typical story I like the ladies above response indicating that it is no different from and arranged marriage. I guess when you look at it that way, we should have the audacity to stick it out. Ok so my scenario is all too similar to that of the ladies above. My longtime boyfriend was everything I was looking for and overall Mr. Perfect with the exception that we did not have chemistry. We were not intimate for years as I was a Virgin until the age of 26. I am now 27. Nevertheless, we would have these little disputes that really lead me to break it off. Over that time Mr. Chemistry came along and he was all wrong with the exception of the chemistry component. We did not balance out well on major life foundational beliefs and Ideals. He was not right for me. I have found myself looking for both Chemistry and similar beliefs but it is a hard feat. My advice is trust your judgements. Don’t be afraid to venture out and even make mistakes because that is the only way to truly receive fulfillment in the area knowing that you are at peace with your decision. We as women tend to over think. I am huge on this. I need to just take time, relax, enjoy the ride and let life line up in its proper order. WE ALL SHOULD!
Two words: don’t settle. “Acceptable” is different than “the one”. There will be something “missing” for the entire length of the relationship. Do you just want somebody around, or love. BTW, the woman didn’t say if they EVER kissed, made love, etc. If not…THAT’S a huge red flag!
Other words…
Speak up! Some women don’t need affection, either. Some do, but never say anything and expect men to read their minds/want otherwise good men to be an exact copy of themselves and so want everything they want.
Follow your gut. Not your mind or heart…or advice columns: your gut. It’s never wrong.
OMG! This article comes at the perfect time. There is the particular gentlemen who is clearly interested in me. One thing we are totally opposite. I am clearly outgoing, and spontaneous and he is more like the “Preacher Type”. I get irritated with this often because I tend to tone down my personality around him….geesh
Chemistry is great but it isn’t everything.
I always say.. no chemistry can make u frustrated.. some times you have to decide if it is worth working on creating, at least, a spark.. and u never know.. u might blow up with love for each other
Well I’d say if a guy has a lot in common with you, treats you well and above that all is also tall, dark, and handsome.. what else do you want? I understand if he wasn’t your type physically. It is so difficult to meet a nice guy who is also good looking and there you had it, but you were bored? Should have taken initiative into your hands. Hmm come on now.. As it is there are much more women in NY than men and u throw a perfectly good man… I wonder if you found or will ever find anything better.
Nope this hasn’t happened to me yet. I just seem to get the losers.
Chemistry is everything. You can’t force it if it is not there.