He’s Perfect, But There’s No Chemistry

In case you haven’t already realized, we have a bone to pick with some ex-boyfriends, we’ve dated some really douchey guys and survived some hilariously bad first dates here at Shecky’s. But what happens when you find a seemingly perfect man only to find that there’s no chemistry? Do you tough it out and keep trying? Or is this a deal-breaker for you? One Staffer shares her opinion.

“I sat on the couch with my boyfriend, but that was part of the problem. All we were doing was sitting on the couch. I wasn’t on his lap, his arm wasn’t around me, there was no magnetic pull calling me over to his side. I sat confined to my corner, and him to his, laughing aimlessly at some show we were watching.

Let me give you a little background on this awkward sitch—the gentleman sitting with more imaginary telephone books between us to make a whole convent happy had already confessed his love to me. He called and texted me often and on time. He showed up when he said he would. He drove me to the mall in Christmas traffic, never let me pay for a thing (from stellar Giants tickets to every beer) and turned the radio to my station even though he hated it. My family loved him, we had the same background, some of the same career aspirations. Plus, he was tall, dark and handsome.

But I didn’t feel that zing, that inseparable must-have chemistry. I didn’t want to ruffle his hair, make-out with him the second I saw him, hold him in public unaware that anyone else was looking. And the punctuality, the precise predictability of him—traits that I thought I’d always wanted in my perfect partner—became so blatantly boring when I realized just how consistent, unsurprising and unwavering he was.

The man I let go was a great person, but in the end a few couch cushions meant everything. I tried to overcome the space between us. I attempted to accept that here was this person who loved me no-holds barred, but I need that force-field feeling in a relationship. I need a Romeo with that inexplicable electricity, that inseparable, drives-me-crazy, can’t-be-without-him sentiment. Is it okay that I’ve let a few well-qualified guys go because they didn’t meet my ‘sparks’ requirement?”

GIRL TALK TIME: Have you ever been with a great-on-paper guy but found that some little something was missing? What was it like? What kind of chemistry do YOU need? What does great chemistry mean for you? Have you ever dumped a guy because there was no spark?

105 Comments

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  • Tonya:

    Ive been in a realtionship for nearly 3 years now.
    I have to say, only the first few months there was kinda a spark
    But nothing that made me NEED him.
    Im not talking about just sexually. Any spark.
    No Romance
    No spark
    No excitement
    Everything seems predictable and Nothing seems passionate.
    Now I myself am a Libra and personally believe in the traits ive often read from this
    They say Libras are very passionate people. Who seek love. Crazy love.
    I dont have to have a perfect relationship but my worries are that after nearly 3 years i have tried to over look many things about who i am with.
    The problems are i am not attracted to him really at all, i like his face and thats it.
    He gained weight and I may sound like a bitch i dont expect a 6 pack but i personally think there needs to be a phyisical attraction, just as there needs to be romance. Passion and sex
    None of those things are there so everything layered up from me not finding him sexually attractive at all and i dont feel “satisfied” with really anything sucks big time because he is so sweet. I know how much he loves me he would never hurt me i wouldnt ever find someone like him. Certain traits he has i couldnt find in a man i dont think i 100% know hed never cheat and that is so important to me. We are faithful to eachother and connect in a bestfriend type of way and thinking of loosing him in any way drives me crazy. Its like i want him there always and I have love for him. But ive never felt IN love, i personally think Passion is extreamly important i do understand it fades people change and appearance is by no means the most important but it is important to be attracted to rhe person your with. I love who he is but theres no spark.
    I think a spark is very important and if you stay with someone you dont have that type of lust and connection with its doomed it will either fall apart and someone gets hurt or you stay with the person and never feel satisfied, complete or happy. Your heart wants to be “wooed” i believe settling for what you have already sucks when you truely believe you can do better for yourself Love in this world is so important especially a passionate love a true love i believe everyone has that person
    You just have to find them.
    Or let them find you , dont tie your heart down to a man or woman you dont feel the need to be around if you dont have that connection.

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    1. me:

      Hi Tonya,

      Ive read you post three times just to make sure I really understood everything you said. I could write loads about this. But ill keep it really short. Let this guy go!! Your doing it for your self and for him too. Ive been here once, exactly the same situation and the same amount of time (3 yrs) and I felt the same in the same amount of time. It is so obvious to me that you are not with the right guy. I know what you are saying by being afraid but don’t be. Have faith that it is the right decision. Hes your best friend, your companion, your most amazing sweet, gentle kind other half..but so are brothers, sisters, family members, best friends. Lovers, the kind that we want can be those things too yes but you do need that grrr factor and NO it doesn’t just fade and disappear like people say it does for people who are naturally passionate and romantic like I am. Im a guy and I eventually had to just break it off with the most amazing person in the world after living together for 3 yrs. I knew after several months there was no real natural lust factor and was looking at others even though I stayed 100% faithful. Yeah it really does hurt to hurt someone like this, but we stayed friends, amazing friends for a very long time and eventually she got married and had children to someone who loved her the way you want to be loved and love someone too. Have faith Tonya and have trust in your own instinct, it usually 99.9% right when its matters like these. Mark x

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  • Gautam:

    I was in a relationship where this girl, Rea I knew started talkng with me when her engagement broke down. She cried on the phone with me and shared how her parents were forcing her into marriage. I was with her all the time. I got closer to her and was talking to her, making her laugh when I can and also getting close to her. I loved her the moment I started talking to her and met her a couple of times. Made up my mind that it is her whom I want to get married to. However, she didnt seem to be clear. With this dilemma in her mind, I got approached by someone (Penny) in the meantime. Rea wasnt well so I took a flight to meet Rea and had a stop over where Penny used to stay. I met Penny and got intimate to an extent of kissing her. I went on to meet Rea in the meantime. 3 months down the line, I told Penny that it has always been Rea on my mind and we cant go on. Penny got jealous and contacted Rea and told things which she couldnt take it. However, Rea agreed to get engaged to me for the big heart she had. But again she felt that her parents were not treated well during engagement and pushed me away. I convinced her that look I am here and I believe in tis to work out for us. I have been just with her and with no one else on my mind. Been very honest about everything. we got closer again and tried to work things out. 4 yrs down the line, this way she just had someone else on her mind while talking to me as well and raising my hopes. She came all the way to meet me but didnt and just told me that it wont work out and that there was no chemistry. After 4 freaking years of me being there to make this work and make promises of companionship for rest of our lives. We had a discussion of Chemistry and companionship before too and she was convinced at that time. I wonder what changes for you women that you take such decisions. Guess she found this other guy more appealing and more lucrative. That was how I ended up being hurt and I still wonder- how I wish she had come down and worked things out with me. I had envisaged rest of my life with her. :(

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  • chloe:

    I’m so glad I came across this website. Reading the post and everyone’s comments has made me realize that I can’t keep forcing a relationship with this guy I’m dating, when the chemistry is completely not there. We’ve been dating for 3 months now and he is an amazing guy. Pays for me all the time, calls me every night to say good night, buys me cute little gifts when i’m sick, drives me everywhere, and is just always there when I need him. Pretty much the best bf ever. I should feel like the happiest, most special girl in the world.. but I don’t. I always try making up excuses not to hangout with him, when he kisses me I feel like pulling away.. I don’t have that “I want to jump on you and kiss the hell out of you” feeling with him. I’m dreading ending things with him because I feel like he’s so perfect for me, and that we have so many similarities, and that I’ll never find that again. But it’s not fare to him.. so guess I just need to suck it up and tell him the truth.

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    1. wirlfir:

      Hi. I was wondering how u delt with that problem of telling him u have to break up. Because im in the exact same situation right now, and i feel horrible. I mean i love him but when we kiss i just dont feel the passion and ‘ i dont ever want to let go of you’ feeling.
      I felt that passion with my ex so i know that tingle really well, but i was hurt really bad from that relationship, maybe i really need more time to heal.
      But this guy is just so amazing , hes so caring and we have great conversations and a lot of fun, its just that i dont feel the fire burning.

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  • Carol:

    I have broken up with guys because there was no spark. There has to be a spark. People keep saying that the perfect guy is enough. It’s not. If you find the “RIGHT” guy, he’ll be perfect, AND there will be a spark that never goes away. The problem with people these days, is that they either stay with a guy with no spark, and eventually they grow apart, or they go for ONLY the spark, and it fizzles. They don’t go for the one that has the spark and is also perfect. You need BOTH!!!!

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  • avatar
    goldieloveu:

    Listen. I had to finally break off this crazy mental relationship with this guy I thought was super great. I thought he was the most perfect guy or nearly perfect guy: handsome, educated, sweet and kind… but his other side is also very distant and neglectful. Last week I finally ended it sent him a text to let him know we are “not sexually compatible.” The big issue is that when we went to have sex he had the smallest penis. It was too small to put a rubber on and it kept falling off. In the beginning I tried to ignore this but after more craziness, barely seeing each other and he texts me only when he feels like it or wants to, never sends me flowers at valentines day or anything… doesn’t invite me over for July 4th or too busy with his kids… who knows. Just a weird unhealthy mostly texting relationship… but he wants to keep seeing me and said he’s falling in love w/ me and he’d see only me if I’d be more receptive etc. Anyways, the problem is that he’s not satisfying. Sexually I am left so frustrated!!!!! I truly wanted this to work out… I thought he was perfect UNTIL the bedroom sex issues. I was even willing to over look his small penis but he was playing mind games with me hurting me…. it was not fun. I was unhappy. I had to get out of this twisted mental bullshit. It felt so sad to end it but I am doing well… 2 weeks now.

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  • mar:

    I am 37 female,I’m dating this guy the last six weeks.I just don’t feel chemistry with him.I don’t jump when he txt me,made excuses to leave some dates early cause he bored me and sometimes i just ignore my txt altogether.The problem is he is everything i want on paper.I keep dating him hoping i will fall for him.Everyone keeps telling me he’s lovely and to stick it out but don’t think i can anymore

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  • Ambi:

    I just wentout with the perfect man last night. I met him on an online dating website. We had spoken before before our date and he sounded very interesting. When we met last night I saw him I was not attracted to him. Great car, he was dressed very well. We went out to dinner, we had a great conversation. We have a lot of things in common, a lot of interests in common. After dinner, we went to a jazz club. There is where he tried to make me kiss him. Pulling me towards him asking me for a kiss. I kissed him as if ,you know, it was obligatory. Which I really could not stand. As I said he’s a great guy, is well educated, very nice matters except for the fact that even when he drove me home, he wanted me to kiss him. I feel that if there was any kind of magnetic pull, I would’ve been kissing him long before he wanted to kiss me. Also he wouldn’t have to pull me to kiss him, it would come naturally. I have a feeling that I’m going to have to tell him that we are really not on compatible and you know. He is not a good kisser. That’s a dealbreaker when a person is not a good kisser that just wipes everything out. So, that was my experience last night and I’m not wasting his time or my time.

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  • MacKenzie:

    OK… I admit it… my *man picker* is broken! I am ALWAYS attracted to the bad boy, or the one who need help. I freely admit I am a nurturer and always get that spark when what I’m really desiring is wanting to help people.

    Let’s look at people from history/literature who had that *spark*: Anne Boleyn… Juliet… Marilyn Monroe (abused by DiMaggio)… Cleopatra… Lady Diana… Eva Braun…

    These *spark-based* relationships did not end well and neither did my marriage (he cheated on me while I was going through breast cancer and a miscarriage).

    I believe all your dysfunctions are firing when you feel that *spark*.

    *Sparks* only last 18 – 24 months anyway… and then what do you have…???

    I have met the most amazing man! He is EVERYTHING I have prayed for! Family-oriented… generous… loving… communicative… LOVES my son (my son loves him too)… GREAT career… similar goals… similar families… similar morals and religion… listener… kind… same hobbies… knows how to maintain and care for a relationship…etc.

    …and guess what?! No spark!

    Oh… there was one… briefly… but we have compatibility and friendship… I can definitely involve myself intimately if that’s what he wants to do… and I even enjoy it once we are involved in that activity… but as far as me not being able to keep my hands off of him… nope!

    Remember… that *spark* is only designed to last about 2 years… after that, what do you have?

    My first marriage, I went with my heart… now I’m older and wiser and I’m going with my head…

    Mort Fertel “Marriage Fitness” has written a GREAT *How To* book on building and maintaining fabulous relationships! It is my new standard wedding gift (wrapped and labeled: “Do not unwrap until your 2nd anniversary!”). It shows you how to GET that spark! It’s REALLY cool!

    So… Don’t always trust that *spark*… it is powerful and can lead you astray! Look for compatibility, similar backgrounds, similar families and goals!!!

    Good luck out there! God bless!!! ;)

    {Reply}
    1. Gautam:

      I was shocked reading through initial responses, where women just gave up on some nice guys. Loved this response from MacKenzie based on her experience. I wonder why everyone runs after the spark(it is needed but can grow in time and need not be at initial stages always), only to get hurt later. Spark with a promise of companionship is great yet I would weigh companionship more than just a Spark. Companionship gives a promise of working out everything. Speak leads to irrational decisions and is impulsive. Thanks MacKenzie for a wonderful response.

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  • jeanette:

    I just recently broke up with my boyfriend who has been my best friend for 15 years. We tried dating and he was totally smitten and don’t get me wrong the relationship was great and he was the perfect boyfriend, but we went months without having sex because I didn’t want to. The thought of it made me feel pressure and even tho when we did have sex it was great, it still took a lot of self coaching and strength to bring myself to do the deed. I never wanted to cuddle or make out it was obviously something missing that was crutial to the relationship in my opinion. The reason I knew it was just a problem that exsisted between me and him and not with anybody else is because I still had very strong sexual feelings towards my sons father. I had to break up with my boyfriend over this because I knew it would cause a problem in the future and be harder to break up if I let it go longer. I might have even cheated on him so he didn’t deserve that. That was my experience and altho I cant explain what that spark feeling is I def know when I feel it and when I don’t, and I know how important it is to me and the happiness in my life. I don’t think we should sacrifice our possibility to have that spark with someone just because you feel bad to break up with a seemingly perfect man. I knew we were just meant to be in eachothers life as best friends and nothing more.

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  • Sherri:

    I just read a book about this that had some good insights. I related to it very much as I was in a similar situation as Abigail. Abigail wanted passion, chemistry, and to be swept off her feet. She thought she had found that with Kyle but it turns out there is so much more than that when having a successful relationship. http://www.amazon.com/Relationship-Something-Like-Caroline-Greene-ebook/dp/B00D0Y38XE/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1397743918&sr=1-1&keywords=caroline+greene

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  • Hannah:

    This is so me. I’ve been with my first and only boyfriend (I’m 30) for five years now and we have no real chemistry – well, I don’t, and never really did. I was so carried away at finally finding someone who liked me I just rolled with it and now I feel so sad, all the time, that I’ll never, EVER experience real passion but only a monster could break this man’s heart. He’s perfect and adores me. ANd given how no-one else wanted me ever, I should count my blessings. BUt some days I just feel so heartbroken and lonely that I will never, ever want someone so much I can’t keep away from them and have it reciprocated that I can’t breathe, that I wish I’d never been born. I love my partner, but I’m not IN love with him. But it’s better than being alone and if those are my only options…at least I’m making someone else happy…
    I just wish ONCE I had been with someone I really, really wanted to be with.

    {Reply}
    1. chelsea:

      Go to therapy if you can. I don’t mean that in a snarky way at all. It could be that you have a subconscious attraction to men that are bad for you, or you have habits or tendencies that lead to you being dysfunctional or unappreciated and disrespected in relationships. See if you can work through it with a good therapist. A relationship shouldn’t be dissatisfying and lower your self-esteem to stay in it. Whatever the culprit is preventing you from finding love with passion and mutual enjoyment, you can probably fix it.

      {Reply}
  • Lynn:

    This is exactly how I’m feeling in my relationship. It’s been oven 6 months and I’m still here waiting for some spark. We had a spark initially and then rushed into living together too soon and I’m not sure if the being around each other more or seeing some annoying habits broke that spark. But I’ve been wondering where it went and if it will come back.

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    1. Camie:

      I wish I would have stopped the relationship at 6 months and not continuing for another 2.5 years. I knew that it wasn’t right at the 6 month mark and thought that for some reason I would feel the chemistry. I LOVE this man, his family, and everything he has to offer. I have tried so hard to feel some chemistry and WANTED to feel it but nothing still. I have been in relationships that the sparks almost caught me on fire but the man was poison. I know that for it to be true and “the one” that was meant for me that I need both of these things. It isn’t fair for either one in the relationship if one of these things are missing. It needs to feel and be right. I am so glad I came across this site and you have all helped me out tremendously!

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  • Anonymous:

    Boy am I glad I found this post and all its comments. I just -yesterday- told a guy that I didn’t think we should date anymore; there was no chemistry. And I’m feeling kinda glum about it.
    And it sucked because this guy was a total prince charming, he was chivalrous and kind and thoughtful and cute, but I never truly felt attracted to him..
    When we went out on dates (only a few times) and he held my hand, I liked having my hand held but didn’t care that it was him holding it. When he kissed me I didn’t feel anything at all and was always quick to end it. And that’s simply not the way it should be. I should’ve found it hard to pull away from kissing him if there was any chance of chemistry.

    Perhaps the matter is that I am afraid of my dating life coming to a halt again, but nevertheless it is always disheartening when you can’t love someone you like.
    It makes me question myself in some ways, and I wonder if I’m fussy or something. But at the same time, I feel hopeful that the next guy to come along will make me realise it was worth a bit of brief misery to find someone who connects with me! :)

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  • Luli:

    I just got back from a second date with a perfectly suitable, affluent, educated, kind-hearted man who is perfect for me, except that he has a 6 yr old and my child is 21. (He was sabotaged by a Gold Digger!) I really like him, he makes me laugh. He’s complimentary, extremely attracted to me, and a decent person as best as I can tell. He loves his parents, serves the community, etc.

    He’s longing to sleep with me, making his passion really obvious. And I gave him a chaste kiss on our first date and tonight, he asked for more passion and so I tried to kiss him for real in the parking lot and just couldn’t do it. Part of me is thinking, “At my age, men like this don’t come around very often.” I would love to force myself into The Act with him, but I already can feel my body recoiling when I even think about it. It has NOTHING to do with him. He’s fit, athletic, tall. I don’t find his face attractive, but his body is gorgeous.

    I feel guilty that I’m not attracted when he so obviously is. I fear there’s something wrong with me that the men to whom I do feel attraction are all unavailable for any number of reasons. So if I override my resistance…

    Thank you all for your comments. I know I can’t let this continue any longer. It’s not fair to anyone involved and I won’t stay – and I’m running out of time. Sad but true.

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  • Lady Z:

    I married the man I had no chemistry with. The fact of the matter is– I am an unnatractive woman. I knew I would NEVER be able to marry the kind of men who makes me sexually insane– and make my panties wet. I consider my self very lucky to have what i do have——- Only the Angelina’s of the world have have thier picks of the Brad Pitts— Its a harsh fact of life and it only get worse as you age- I got married at 33. Most men are looking for women in thier 20′s– who are not ugly or overweight. I am both. So, I have to carry a burden in my heart of grief for the rest of my life– not every woman will have the fairy tale. Plus, my husband is open to swigning so there still may be hope of some exciting sex life after all!

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  • Melissa:

    Oh man I am in such a position here too and don’t know what to do. This guy is absolute perfection. I’m talking could never love me anymore. Writes me
    Love letters, has an amazing personality and great future. Goals. Phenomenal family and he’s hot as hell….. But I can’t even touch him. How nuts is that. We hooked up a few times and t was so stale I wanted it over with… Everytime. That isn’t how it’s supposed to feel. But him and I have broken up on and off a few times and he really poured his heart out to me this time and I took him back almost feeling bad.. I’ve been away 2 weeks and when I get back I really don’t want to touch him….. But don’t want to lose the companionship and fun relationship we have of doing everything together. Help me I need a reality check

    {Reply}
    1. Laura H:

      I think we all wish for the perfect happy ending and on some levels we deserve that! Chemistry is embedded in us, in who we prefer in a mate and no amount of perfection can fix that because that’s how we are hardwired. And we shouldn’t feel guilty! If we can find the balance of attraction and good qualities in a partner I think that’s the key.

      {Reply}
  • Miquel Johansson:

    There are some great new goodies on the shelves you will come to STB! today weve got a beautiful new rabbit vibe, some sexy books, and three new kids toys from Tenga just on time for Easter! Dual Rabbit VibratorThe Dual Rabbit Vibrator is usually a cute rabbit from LovingJoy, with two sets regarding bunny ears! Not only can the idea give your clit that will well-known bunny magic, but it provides a 2nd buzz for anal activation too! With six speeds of vibratio. e Metal Dildo. hen I first took this dildo out of your case, I was a touch confused. I couldn’ work out how you’ insert it both vaginally and anally as well and there was also something strangely familiar around the shape. I sat it on my desk and watched it for some time, rocking it on the upward curve by periodically knocking the finger cycle. eeing it rock forwards and backwards on the curve, I immediately knew just what this dildo emulates – the classic two finger vaginal plunge with clitoral thumbs stimulation. Brilliant! Take a closer glance at the shape and you’ l see that this upwardly-curving vaginal dil. e Lister, Kurt Cobain, and Lord Byron have all partaken inside writing-down of sexual adventures. f youre intrigued by thinking about keeping a sex work schedule, youre in luck! Weve invited Arianne Cohen to run a 2-class workshop on sex diarying in the beginning of May, and all the proceeds check out Bitch Media! In the first course, Arianne will discuss what shes discovered love and relationships, and shell lead diarying workout routines. After keeping your personal 7-day diary, youll come back for any second class to talk about your realizations about yourselves using the group.

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  • Andy:

    I have a bit of a reverse story. I was the guy that treated the girl like a goddess and was left go over this reason. Or so she said.

    I live in a pretty unique area for dating. Most women are either snobby, selfish and materialistic OR they are immature, lazy and unmotivated. Hard to find any women in between around here that arent married young or in serious relatinoships already. After months of dating I finally met a girl online from out of state whom had moved to my area. We hit it off immediatly. First date started with dinner, then drinks, then a movie, then few hours of talking into the late night. Next date we met up again at a BBQ/Picnic of one of my friends. We had a blast again. laughed the whole time. What made it perfect was I could leave her now and then to talk to my friends and she was comfortable to socialize and enjoy without me up on her side like a puppy the entire night. There was no feeling of guilt to make sure she had a good time. It was just comfrotable right from the start.

    Over the next 2 weeks we spent a good deal of time together. maybe 6 or 7 “dates” and a few good conversations and had amazing times together. Laughed constantly but the more we hung out the more standoffish she became romantically. One night we went out to a nice fancy dinner then to a play for shakespear festival at a local college. Thought I would be alittle romantic and bring her a small rose since we were dressing up and going out to a nice dinner. After the play we continued to laugh and talk for awhile but at the end of the date I asked her where she saw this going and she said the famous words

    “YOU ARE SO PERFECT AND HAVE DONE EVERYTHING RIGHT…. BUT THERE IS NO SPARK. I WISH THERE WAS MORE BECAUSE WE HAVE SOO MUCH FUN TOGETHER”. Havent talked to her since, she hasnt called me/text me or anything.

    I understand needing to have chemistry but I also beleive somethings take time to really appreciate and 2 weeks of “dating” is not enough time to judge a future relationship. Especially when Sex was NEVER on the table in that timeframe and nothing happened more then a 1st-2nd base. Not for lack of trying but was respectful and didnt push any issues.

    Not a life ending event but I gotta admit, it has really killed my selfesteem since she was in my mind a pretty amazing catch and even though she had not felt anyhting, after the first few dates I had started to feel chemistry. I dont buy the no spark conclusion to our relationship since we truly had a blast together. In back of my head Im not thinking of what I coudl have done wrong. Didnt have bad breath, very clean person, dress nice, not a male model but not an ugly looking guy either. keep myself in shape.

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    1. Xedra:

      Lets go on a date. Where do you live? :)

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      1. Kristie:

        Please tell me this worked out!!! That would be absolutely adorable!!!

    2. Dew:

      Boy, I am in your shoes right now, and I have been there previously. These women watch too many Hollywood things, read too many fairytales, and been led to believe in magic. I haven’t a clue what to tell you except that don’t expect anything, and don’t go out of your way for them. Let them ALWAYS wonder.

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    3. Anonymous:

      Worried that your story might be mine. I just came home from a first date with a great guy. He’s a really great guy, that’s never been in question. But…. I’m not physically attracted to him at all (yet, at least?) and he came off really strong. I really like the guy and we have almost everything in common. We share some of the most important things in my life and I really doubt I’ll ever find someone else who I can say that about. Why don’t I feel more enthusiastic about our date? I thought I was really into him before, but after kissing him, I’m beginning to seriously rethink it.
      I love being his friend and I want this relationship to work, so why do I feel like it doesn’t? I’m so reluctant to lose the connection I have with this guy and I know he’s really into me, but is there anything to gain from continuing it? Reading the comments below, I’m dubious…

      {Reply}
  • Simple things:

    My gosh this post is like a page out of my diary… I met this guy about 6mths ago and on paper he’s everything i could ever want. He’s such a sweetheart to me, never lets me spend a dime or open a door, he’s hardworking and loyal, he gets along great with my family and everyone loves him. Initially the thought of being with him never even crossed my mind but then we started talking and i thought to myself “maybe he’ll be good for me” so i decided to give him a chance.

    A few weeks later i found myself in a relationship with him but the thing is i never really felt the way i thought i should feel. I never got butterflies, he never made me giggle or even really laugh for that matter, and lately when i’m with him i can’t wait to get away. Now i’m at a point where i avoid spending extra time with him, hardly reply to his texts and sometimes i even ignore his calls altogether. When he tries to touch me my stomach turns.. its so upsetting because he’s such a great guy but i just can’t bring myself to feel about him the way he feels about me.

    Everytime he crosses my mind the thought of breaking up always follows but the thing is i just can’t bring myself to do it. Deep down i know that we’re just wasting time on this sham of a relationship but i just can’t stand the thought of hurting him. He’s such a good person and on paper we’re so compatible but there’s just nothing below the surface. I know i need to let him go but i just hate the idea of hurting him.

    {Reply}
  • Tracey:

    My boyfriend treats me like gold. I had just gone through a breakup when we met, all I said to myself was too soon and not my type. I’ll admit to this day I miss my Ex, after my current boyfriend “Jon” met the Ex Tom came back into picture. Tom and I were not perfect, but I spent almost every hour of everyday thinking of him or waiting for a text or to get out of work to go see him. Sadly, I fell into the trap, my life revolved around Tom. Jon was fun, similar personality to mine, we became friends, we went drinking, to movies, took his 3 year old son to the park/pool, and I’d tell Tom where n who I was with… Long story short, Tom n I broke up for good, irreconcilable differences, but Jon n I were friends and ONLY friends while Tom n I were on n off.
    We’ll Jon n I have been together almost 2 years. He’s kind, generous, everything most guys aren’t. His son is 5 now, he’s a good kid, but I’m not and haven’t embraced mom role. Problem 1: kid, not mine n custody with the biological mother n Jon is hostile.
    Problem 2: his parents don’t want to be helpful grandparents anymore during Jons working schedule, so they dump the kid on me ASAP or leave no choice.
    Problem 3: Jon is shorter than me, call me a jerk, but I’m 5’8 and average weight, yeah I’d like to lose 15-20lbs but I’m not Miss Piggy…being shorter also makes him weigh less than me… I feel like a heffer half the time, even though he tells me I’m beautiful n fine the way I am.
    I sound like a jerk, but I’m missing that I want to kiss you, hold you, display you in front of people as ” yup, he’s mine”
    Why do I love the ones that treat me like shit and have “friend@ feelings for the good ones?
    I’m going to hurt both of us ending it, it seems the kid is an issue, and I’m not drawn to kiss him 99% of the time :(

    {Reply}

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