Why I’m Against Dating Websites
We know. It’s 2010, and some large percentage of people “meet” online. Still, one Staffer sees some drawbacks to the system. Is online dating taking the romance out of that whole chance meeting, the surprising unveiling of a person that used to be so sacred? Is it another way that technology is ruining relationships?
“Okay, before several hundred of you put me on the comment chopping block, let me say that sometimes dating websites obviously work. I have friends who met The One through Match.com, PlentyofFish.com, BoysRUs.com (just kidding!)…. I also have pals who have went on an online-sanctioned outing only to find their date incredibly rude, already wasted or only interested in sexual advances.
I get that it could go either way and in a lot of cases online dating websites are kind of a throwback to old-school matchmakers—but with modern conveniences, of course! Just put in all the traits you want, then presto-chango they’ve found not just one partner…but several to pick from! And you can screen their pictures, life’s interests, their stories, before you even attempt to meet them.
But that’s part of the problem. Where’s the romance, the chance, the hilarious ‘how I met my Prince Charming’ story in any of that? I used to be a wedding writer. It was so boring and such a struggle starting 12 of 20 articles with variations of, ‘The happy couple met on Match.com.’ It was insanely more interesting to hear how one guy saw his future wife on the evening news, and instantly falling in love with her, looked her up on the ‘contact us’ part of the station’s site (if this is you, the happenstance of your story has always stuck out in my mind, so thanks).
I’ve whined to my parents about my love life in the past. And although mom and pops may not be all that hip, they suggested giving dating sites a whirl. Even my old-fashioned (but ever-logical) father once stopped me mid-rant about ‘all these immature boys my age’ with the argument: ‘If you go on a dating website, at least you know the other person is looking for exactly what you are.’
He’s right, of course. So am I crazy to keep going at this love and relationship game in the whole ‘keeping my eyes peeled’ in real-life way? When I was single, I would dream about the ways I’d meet someone. Would we reach for the Eggo waffles in the frozen food section at the exact same moment? Maybe he was a brooding musician and we’d realize we shared the same favorite song after he saw my ratty Pink Floyd tee. Maybe I’d end up with a guy I’d grown up with; he would tell everyone about the books I used to write, all illustrated in sparkle crayons.
I have a boyfriend now. In fact, the story of how I met him and why we’re together is so infinitely out-there that usually when people ask how we met, I have to laugh and preface it with ‘it’s a long story’ before I attempt to tell them even a fraction of it. And it’s so weird to me that I could probably think about it all day, imaging all the little ways I never would have met him if I’d done just one little step differently.
So I have to wonder: Am I weird if I love leaving things up to some sleight of hand and investigating a person’s story from there? Not knowing their religion, hobbies, favorite quotes, jobs, life’s aspirations; just running into people along my way and unwrapping everything myself? That I think it’s far better, much less sterile, dare I love the accidental drama of stumbling upon someone?”
GIRL TALK TIME: Have you ever used a dating website? Which one(s)? Did they work? Are you for or against this? What do you think of what our Staffer has to say?
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29 Comments
Post a CommentI’ve never tried a dating website but my friends say I shouldn’t because there are some creepers who are just there to hook up and you never know who it really is so I’m still hesitating
My bf and I met on line and so far so good. We are very happy. We are both older and know exactly what we want in a partner.
not for me
I’ve never used a dating site, but have one friend who is currently looking….seems like most of the ones she has encountered are either wanting sex immediately, or are so out there that no woman in her right mind would want to date them!! I’d love to be able to help her. any other suggestions???
Sometimes it can be good. But it also can be not safe. Its very risky.
i agree with the stories being less fun
To Sue: LOL, what are you so embarrassed about? I think you can meet a weirdo in real life, as well as online and the other way around. Now as everything else, there are good sides and bad sides to online. Some people though work in an all women environment, have only single female friends, and do not really go to places where there is a chance to meet a normal guy. Well I’m talking about myself here, as about some other friends of mine. Now is a bar or a club a better alternative? I don’t think so. Oh and by the way I’m beyond my college years, and even if I was not.. I was a liberal arts student, so we had maybe 5 “guys” for about 150 girls. I would definitely love to hear stories about where you girls meet guys .. normal guys that is. Thanks.
DATING WEBSITES ARE CREEPY
I’ve never used it. But my father has and met someone.. nothing serious.. just a companion to talk with. I never ever thought he would do something like that.. go on a dating site, considering he is strict, practical, overprotective, etc. though. I don’t think I would. I’m too anal and think it’s creepy and awkward.
not for me. i’m a romantic and i want to meet someone the old fashion way.
I’ve tried speed dating (horrible experience! plus, most of the guys already admitted to having girlfriends…they just wanted to meet “other people”), online dating (another horrible experience! he just wanted one thing…and no, it wasn’t dinner with me!), and even went on a date with a co-worker (I’m officially the worst date EVER!). So now I’m back at square one. My family and friends keep telling me that it’ll happen for me one day, be patient, it’ll happen when I least expect it, yadda yadda yadda. I’ve never had a boyfriend before, but I know that I want to fall in love one day. Who doesn’t? Yes, my best friend is me, myself, and I, but I want to share myself with another person. I guess right now I have to stop looking and pursuing and just wait. I believe it will happen for me one day…just not right now.
I would be afraid of this, seems to creepy.
I’ve used Match.com. It does work. Sometimes it’s hard to meet people after the college years.
I couldn’t agree more!!! … and it gets even harder after grad school!
your time will come you just have to be patient
I’ve done the online thing and totally hated it! I seriously felt like I was Deuce Bigalow or something because all the guys were freaks and had something wrong with them! It was horrible..im never doing that again!
I have to say I met my husband online. Kind of a cute story and to make it short, he was the creative director of the social networking site I met him on while he was “testing” it. (It doesn’t matter which website in the end.) But I will say this: Sure it would be nice to meet someone more organically, but this is just another tool in your tool box to finding someone. Don’t rule it out, but know that it’s possible to find someone organically even while you are looking online. Look, you work hard to find a job, an apartment, etc….if you want something (i.e. to meet someone), you have to try different methods. Online is just another resource that should not be overlooked. And if you don’t try, you will never know, and hey leave more for the savvy ladies who do try it. One last thing…don’t think it will happen overnight either. Just like in real life it takes time and if you think you won’t discover awesome things about someone you met online just remember that their profile is a mere snapshot. Not the whole story. Good luck ladies!!!!
I’m open to questions/advice
technology is ruining relationships!!!! when was the last time you went for a nice walk or picnic or activity without having a cell phone in your hand???
I agree! What happened to the good ol’ fashioned love letters?!
I wouldn’t use a dating website because some people lie about who the really are or what they look like. I don’t trust it! I would rather take the risk of meeting someone face to face by just walking down the street.
Not every guy on an online site is going to be a charmer. Tried it, met some duds, but also some decent guys who, although there were no romantic sparks, are now my good friends. But I’ll say this much, when the right guy pops up on your screen one day, it can be just as exciting as finding him the old-fashioned way. My tip: take your time. My soulmate (he is no less to me) and I were matched about a year ago on eHarmony. Did the back-and-forth for a bit and skipped some of the steps. But we talked on the phone for about 2 weeks before we met (some of this by choice and by timing). But by the time got to meet, well… WOW. I had the most romantic, easy-going, AMAZING date… EVER. It may not have been old-fashioned, but finding someone like him was the greatest surprise ever.
Give it time, and have fun with it. It works, so why not?
That being said, still — to each her own.
Thanks for letting me share my two (or more) cents!
Too awkward.