My BFF Dumped Me for Her Boyfriend
There’s getting dumped by your bestie, and then there’s getting the boot from your bud due to another guy. We know all couples get cozy in the first few months of dating and marriage, but is it ever acceptable to say see-ya to your gal pals in the name of love? How do you find a balance? (Psst! Don’t forget to vote for your GREAT friends in the National Girlfriend Awards.) One Staffer writes in.
“My friend, let’s call her Melody, is a serial dater. She would barely hang out with us when she had a boyfriend, but one time when she went through an awful break-up my girls and I obviously took her back with open arms. She was an inseparable friend and a key part of our crew—from movie marathons in our PJs to wild nights that turned into early morning diner visits, we thought Melody was back for good
…Until she met her next beau. Suddenly, Melody was back to her old wifey-ed out ways, and back to not hanging out with us either. Every time we called, she’d be betraying our movie marathons with him or going on the zillionith date night. And when she didn’t hang with her boyfriend, she was usually ‘tired.’
I don’t get the whole dumping your friends to make a dude your life thing. Is it some sort of extraordinary love or a weird obsession? I love every moment I spend with my boyfriend, but sometimes I need someone else to talk to. Plus, it’s exciting when we spend time apart and come back together with different stories and curiosity about what the other one has been up to. There’s something surprising and interesting about leading semi-separate lives.
So what good does dumping your girlfriends to spend 100% of your time with a guy do for you? I get being in love, wanting to spend everything with someone else….but I also need my girlfriends to vent to, to chat with about things my boyfriend really doesn’t/shouldn’t care about (Eli Manning’s sexiness, where to get a great eyebrow wax…).
The kicker of this story is…Melody did get dumped by this guy and contacted all of us to vent at a girls night sesh. Some of my pals were not understanding. The most brazen of the bunch texted back, ‘That sucks, but where have you been for the past year? I don’t feel like we’re friends anymore, sorry!’ (Ouch—two break-ups at once!) After a week of hanging out with those who would talk to her, she got back together with the BF and was back to her old MIA ways.
I haven’t seen her in months. Should I try to rekindle the friendship or should I dump her as a friend for good?”
GIRL TALK TIME: Would you take this friend back? Have you ever been dumped for a relationship? What happened? Do you feel like you get wrapped up in relationships and might do this to your friends? Spill all.
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25 Comments
Post a Commentnever forget you girlfriends… u need a balance in your life.
That sucks
When one of my best friends got married, I gave her a year to be as into her hubby as she needed to be and said nothing. But after a year, when it became a constant stream of rejection from her (often because of events that stemmed from teh husband’s friends), I finally confronted her about it and honestly told her how I felt. To her credit, she was horrified — she hadn’t even realized that she had fallen into that pattern. She ultimately told me to not feel like I can’t speak up about that because I “was there first” and she doesn’t forget that. I’m really glad I just spoke to her about it and told her how I felt. Now, even though we’re both busy, we try to not let more than a couple of weeks go by without one of us — sometimes me, sometimes her — initiating some event, at the very least a girls’ coffee break for a good face-to-face chat.
i think some friends fall in love and disappear, but they always come back.
I’ve been dumped for a bf before from cousins to some friends. I’ve approched them told them the deal. If you’re going to be my friend only when your single then I’m sorry I dont want to be your friend at all. In my cousins situation we did an intervention on her told her that family will always come first and she listened now she answers her phone, actually hangs out with us. Boyfriends come and go but family and friends will always be there.
friends always come first!
This stinks!
In the beginning of a relationship, many couples withdraw from friends to be able to spend more time with each other. These changes are understandable, and may even serve an important function in the beginning stages of a relationship. Some people in relationships say they no longer need separate time with friends. They prefer to socialize with other couples and have only mutual friends. Some feel that their partners meet all of their emotional needs, so why have other close relationships. Others feel that their work and relationship take all of their emotional energy, and they have little left for friends. Some people avoid independent activities because they worry that they would be tempted to stray.
Relationships often lead to changes in priorities, interests, friendships, and social activities, and this is to be expected.
thank god this never happ to me…i luv all my friends and usually luv their bfs too. i think its super important to get along w/ the bf cuz then ur bff wont have to choose
u need time with freinds too ,it will keep your relationships interesting and fresh
I think life takes in diffrent direction some times your husband and children are more important than kickin i t with your girls so maybe you can get a few friends that are understanding and will always be there when you need to talk and are not just friends with you for your company.
Rude
Ouch that sucks!
like i always say: forgive and forget
If your friend is really un-reachable as you say (not having seen her in months is a LONG time)…then it might be time to cut the ties. It sucks, but doesn’t sound like she’ll ever change. Unless you are ok with having a fair-weather friend, it sounds like you shouldn’t really count on her for much…
i spent all of my time w my last boyfriend. having moved to a new city on my own i didnt know anyone else and it was an easy pattern to fall into. now i have a new bf but am still going out on my own trying to meet new girlfriends. he and i both work a lot too so its great cuz i value date night and the one mutual day off that we have to spend together so much more. plus it still gives me my me time and time to chill w my friends!
i agree with joanna – the respect has to go both ways. my friends know tuesday night is my date night and the one weekend day off my bf and i have together – we can all hang out together, but then im available for my girls any other day of the week!
Sorry to hear this! I have been lucky too!
I have had this happen with most of my girls in the last 2 yrs. they all got married and left me behind to fend for myself alone in the single world. This sucks. It will be hilarious when I’m finally getting ready and they will be on the road to divorce. I’m so disgusted that its challenging to be happy for them when they dump single girs like we have lepros and they may accidently catch being single again from us. Being a singe 30+ yr old isnt a disease and we aren’t lepers.
awww. this happens with my friends often….there is a group of 5 of us that hang out often so ever so often one of the girls gets involved with a guy and the rest of us just know we will not see that one until she needs us or until he isn’t busy. We have kinda gotten use to it but it sucks none the less.
There has to be balance. I also see the other side where the single g/fs dump the girl who gets a new b/f or only want to hang on their specific “date night”.
The respect has to work both ways.