What if…You Hate Your Friend’s Boyfriend?
Everyone’s dated one—the douchebag. But what do you do when your friend is going out with a total loser? One Shecky’s Staffer went through this situation and like the Best Supporting Girlfriend (read real-life stories and VOTE NOW!) she was trying to be, she’s not sure she handled it the right way. See her story and share yours.
“My one pal started dating this really cute guy. On the surface he was cool—he seemed chill and had a good job as a teacher and a lacrosse coach. Little did we know….
The douchebaginess surfaced slowly. He would ditch her to go out boozing with his buddies frequently. She’s pretty quiet, so she just brushed it off, not wanting to seem dramatic. But the problems got worse.
He went on vacation, bought her a huge mumu-like dress and told her that it was ‘just her size.’ That’s when he started calling her fat, which is terrible no matter how much you weigh but was even more ridiculous because she was so thin. After the fat comments, my friend started eating less and lost even more weight (she got scary-skinny).
All these stories started surfacing about the douche-y dude: his nickname was Fog from smoking too much (a.k.a. he had done/was still doing a lot of drugs). Then we heard rumors about him cheating. Still, my bestie hung in there, always making excuses for his next idiot move. We kept telling her she deserved so much better and tried to intervene, but she would always go back to him.
When he started making her check in with him every hour when she spent time with the girls, I really lost it. One fun night my pal was drinking and having too much of a good time to check in ‘on time,’ so he called her ranting and raving. As she started crying, I snapped for her. I took the phone and told her boyfriend off (in a few choice words, not my finest moment). I said that he was treating her like crap (okay maybe I used a stronger adjective than that), that he wasn’t a father punishing a wayward 12-year-old daughter. Instead of calming down or just hanging up, he started screaming right back at me, calling me nasty names. I took my friend’s phone and didn’t let her answer the rest of the night (even though he called about 20 times).
Eventually she broke up with him, but not without some emotional scars I’m sure. I wish I or my friends had effectively intervened earlier. What should we have done? Is it okay to get involved with a pal’s relationship? To what extent? Was taking the phone away from her too much?”
GIRL TALK TIME: Do you think our Staffer did the right thing? Have you ever hated a friend’s boyfriend? How did you deal? When is it okay to get involved in a friend’s relationship?
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25 Comments
Post a Commentyou should tell your girlfriend what you think, because if you are not honest with her who will? however, once you have said it drop it. As a friend i believe you need to stand by your friend even if you dont agree with her decision. It is her life and her relationship. A good friend is there to be the shoulder she cries on….and when everything is over with you can then say i told you so.
I would tell my friend that I can’t stand being around your boyfriend, and you need check him or I will!
i truely dislike my gf bf because he cheated on her with one of her besties and they only live right around the corner from each other,now that the other gf has strong feeling for him. what does that say about him(DOG)BUT instead of leaving him alone she’s with him and left her bestie, but in the back of my mind im truely thinking that he is still sleeping around with this girl because they never talked and my gf is never home.what is a friend to do?
This is such a crappy situation. I have several girlfriends and even family who continually put up with horrible guys. In most cases, I don’t think there is any way to intervene without causing damage to the friendship – which is sad. It’s impossible to help someone who doesn’t want to be helped or doesn’t see that they need help. I do worry for some of my friends who haven’t even noticed other people pushing away from them because their boyfriends are so disliked and always around.
I recently got out of a 9 yr relationship, and while things ended badly, I was really really happy for 9 yrs. After the break-up I heard from several gfs minor concerns that they had that they hadn’t voiced in the past…like, “Well, since you never fully got over Randy (HS sweetheart), I always thought that something was missing with Jeff.” And while that’s a far cry from Jeff being abusive or a prick, it was still a surprise that no one said anything to me. I was happy, so would I have listened, who knows.
Its a messed up situation to be in. Ive drifted from my bff cause i can not stand her loser bf. Its so bad it makes me think twice about going to any event he will be attending with her.
i think you have to be supportive and be there for your friend. this can go so wrong and you can lose a friend over that. just remain positive hopefully your friend snaps out of it, which eventually they always do.
I be as supportive as I can, but am not afraid to call out things or tell people when they’re being ridiculous that’s for sure.
I’ve actually been in the opposite position – I was the girl my bf’s friends HATED. How about them apples?
my bff had a real douchebag for a bf – like wouldnt even acknowledge me and say hello when i was standing right next to her (and she and i had literally been friends since the womb). she knew i didnt care for him but we’ve always had a thing where we support each other even if we dont agree with each other. we just avoided the bf subject. i barely ever talked about my amazing bf cuz i didnt want to hear about hers and i didnt want to make her feel bad telling her nice things about guy…
needless to say we both felt way more at ease when they finally broke up and we could talk about everything again!
Just try to keep positive…..maybe you don’t see everything that they see in them.
You have to be supportive but you don’t have to like anyone!
Your friend is going to do what she wants regardless. Keep your opinions/comments to yourself. Be supportive and a good listener. Be suggestive when asked. Ive learned the hard way. Its better to be there for your friend then to push her away.
definitely agree! support your friend, it’s the best way to be a friend… on that note – don’t pretend to agree either
I cant stand my BFF’s man. He has changed her into a completely different person. She used to be a fashionista on top of the world and just down right amazing. Now he has here in PJs all the time. She no longer works out or cares about fashion and he basically makes her stay in every night watching him. Did I mention he is pushing 50. She is 24. Hate him!
I am a strong believer in “look after your BBF’s”. So she did the right thing.
Best thing it to be by yourself. We tend to have MORE when we are not in a relationship.
I’ve only gotten involved when a friend’s safety was an issue. Other than that- I’ve learned the hard way that your opinion will not make you very popular if your friend is not ready to hear it…so tread very lightly when telling her that you think her boy’s a DB.
i think it all depends.
I’ve definitely disliked my friend’s boyfriends before, but I was cordial unless she asked. I felt it wasn’t my place to make their relationship awkward. I just wanted her to be happy in the end.
You live and you learn from your mistakes. That’s a tough situation, though.
you go girl! you did the right thing!
U did the right thing! He needed to go!
Such a hard call. But I think unless it’s an extreme situation, butt out unless asked. Then, be diplomatic!
I like that – butt out unless asked. Good idea.