The Guy Who Won’t Go Away

So we’ve done our fair share of talking about forgetting exes (making lists about why he’s not right, giving his things to charity)—but there’s a brand of former fella we haven’t covered yet. You know him: the guy who won’t go away. He doesn’t get that you don’t want to talk to him, using forgetfulness or drunkenness as an excuse to send you a tipsy text at 3 a.m. Check out one Staffer’s story and let us know if you’ve ever had something like this happen to you.

“It was 7:30am on a Sunday morning and needless to say, I was hungover. So when my phone rang and displayed an ex fling’s name, I immediately thought I was in some sort of strange déjà-vu dream. I went back to sleep instantly (or did I? Inception keeps freaking me out), but about two minutes later that same ex texted ‘I miss you.’

I woke up later (at 1pm) in a more sober state and reevaluated. Who calls an ex flame at 7:30am? Was he still wasted? Was he in a different country, a foreign time zone where it would be appropriate to be inebriated and awake at my time 7:30am? What had compelled him to even call and text? Was it a particular Facebook status, a place we’d gone to (um, that was also open at 7:30am?), a mutual friend that induced the missing? Or was it purely accidental, a drunk dial? Considering I hadn’t seen him or spoken to him in six months, it seemed especially odd.

Let me back up for a second. I’d had a bad falling out with this fella—he dated another woman behind my back without telling me (hoping to pull the ‘fade out’ game, eh?). After we were done, Little Ms. Replacement must have jetted quick, because two months later he was a-texting and calling again. I was so utterly disgusted by him that I never wanted to give him a second chance. Plus, I started dating another (and much better) man soon after he wanted me back. Still—the late night phone calls, the texts, the Facebook chats—the more I ignored him, the more persistent he was. I mostly brushed him off, but when I did respond I told him I had a boyfriend and wasn’t interested. I also stressed that I didn’t really care for us to remain friends either. He responded with, ‘Friends can’t hurt. Friends?’ to which I reluctantly replied ‘Yes’ hoping he would leave me alone.

As drunk voicemails and his most recent outburst has shown, I don’t know if he gets it yet (six months later? And our ‘dating’ history was about two months. Really?). While I’m curious as to why he thought of me, I would never want to be with him, so much so that I never even thought for a second that I should reply to his call or text. I deleted all the records of the random contact and I’m hoping that someday soon he can delete everything about me just as easily, that he’ll actually get it.”

GIRL TALK TIME: Has a former flame ever contacted you? How, and what did he say? How do you get rid of the ones that just won’t go away? Let us know. 

47 Comments

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  • LadyJ:

    I dated a guy for 2 months. He was weird, had hygiene issues, and I just wasn’t really into him like that (it was a set up gone wrong). I tried to be nice, but spent the whole 2nd month on trying to break up with him. I finally let him down easy in March. He went batshit. Would incessantly call and text and email all kinds of stuff. I had his family, his friends, my friends, and my family all call and tell him that I wasn’t into him and that he needs to stop contacting me.

    …here it is, October going on November. He STILL won’t leave me alone. I think it’s time for a restraining order.

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  • jamie:

    there is a really stupid guy named gage who wont leave me alone… GO AWAY RETARD!!!!

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  • dripable service:

    At least some bloggers can write. My thanks for this blog…

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  • avatar
    msully:

    I had this thing with a guy “friends with benefits” and one day i wanted more for myself, not really form him but more someone who really cared to be with be outside the bed room, someone who liked to just be with me. When I told him this he was a jerk completely. and I told him I’m not saying I have feeling for you or that I want something more from YOU Im just saying im done with “this” it’s not what I am looking for now…so month went by and he thinks I’ve changed my mind? Texting me all time, like I don’t know what he wants from me. All I want is to move on, so stopping coming back it makes it harder

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    1. alicia:

      I’m going through the same thing right now. Someone I dated for only 2 months, i finally cut off, he comes back a month later trying to actually tell me that he misses me, loves me, wants a relationship with me….says all these nice things but doesn’t follow through. I’ve told him off many times and he sends text messages with “LMAO, what’s wrong with you” or “why are you acting weird?” and then i break down….wanting to “talk” to him while he’s up for it, only to find me getting emtional on the phone and him lightly laughing once i started to break out the tears. Just before that he contacted me for 3 days talking about him being down and that he wanted to see me, asking me what my plans were for that evening, asking me when i was getting off work….you know the build up of thinking someone is just about to ASK to see you. As soon as there is a day where i’m at home at 3pm and have all this time, he text’s me and calls me and we talk for an hour about “his problems.” Then he suddenly says, “maybe we’re both too emotional to see each other today, maybe another day is better” finds a way to get off the phone by saying “let me call my mom back” and that he’ll text me later. He text’d me once saying thanks for the advice. And so therefore I feel like his emotional attention MULE….someone he bugs for to get attention whether cause he’s bored or feels lonely…makes all these empty sayings and promises….and when it actually gets down to you two seeing each other or talking deeper about things he finds a way out….almost like he got his attention, became satisfied, and then just tosses me away.

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  • avatar
    Nonie Miller:

    yikes!

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  • Kay:

    yes, they have

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  • adalgisa diaz:

    well i just cant seem to get away from my first boyfriend. All my cousins love him. He is invited all parties, events, and was even at my late grandmother’s wake.

    no matter what i say or do he will not leave. I been with my current boyfriend for 4 1/2 yrs now and my ex was very distant. All of sudden he has begun to ask my family members questions about how im doing. He even located me on facebook and sent me a message giving me congrats for getting into grad school. He went on to state his further plans with regards to school and employment. I replied and stated thank you and hope all works well for u. What is worse for me is that some of my cousind husbands have formed great friendship with this guy and so i cant seem to get away from him.

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  • Anya T.:

    Eventually he’ll get the hint. I had a guy that did the same thing to me. I was polite at first but then had to curse him out to make him stop. It was getting to the point where it was really annoying and I think he just had nothing better to do then bother me. Disgusting and so immature.

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  • Ann Busker:

    I have a similar experience. I went out with Pete a couple of times and knew that I didn’t want it to go any further. That was three years ago. I told him that I didn’t want to go out again and to this day he will text, call, or try sending an IM on yahoo out of the blue after months of no contact. I have blocked him on yahoo and never respond to the texts or calls. I feel that evetnually he will get the message that I am not interested.

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  • Joy:

    Did I write about the one crazy guy who kept emailing and when I didn’t respond he went angry – like mel gibson style. I look back and laugh at it now.

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  • avatar
    Jackie:

    They never get the hint!

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  • Crispy:

    Had that happened to me before with an ex. That started happening when he realized he f*cked up! Karma is a beeyotch! Sucka!

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  • Doreen Conway:

    Unless he is an actual stalker type, one of the best ways to get rid of a guy, is to act as though you want a full-blown committment. Then some will RUN, FAST!!!!!
    Sometimes, they come back to bother you when you have dumped them and their egos couldn’t handle it. Which is why you may have dumped them in the 1st place, their ego and other issues.

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  • tessiemae dobey:

    I agree you have to ignore the messages. If you continue to answer him … its and open invite for him to continue to contact you.

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  • tessiemae dobey:

    I soo undrderstand tha sorry. I broke up with this loser and for seven years he called me, not every day, but once a year and I hated that. Finally he called and my cousin (male) answered the phone, pretending he was my new boyfriend and used a few choice words and finally he stopped calling.

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  • avatar
    Mary Schwartz:

    Some guys just don’t get it. This happened to me too, and for a long time he still sent me messages daily and called if i didn’t answer for more than a week. I deleted all of his information, but I can’t change my number because it would be too much of a hassle with work and family and friends I don’t often talk to.

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  • cme:

    I was seeing someone for the last few months and we were doing plenty of ‘couple’ things together – ballgames, shows, and I was spending several nights a week there. We both got out of bad relationship and settled into this weird rebounding with each other, but it got to the point where I wanted and was ready for a real relationship and it was time for him to decide what he wanted to do. He refused to budge from our “friends with benefits”, so I told him I didn’t like it and was taking time off.

    I went on a few dates with a new, sweet awesome guy who didn’t have baggage and we started to hit it off. A few weeks later my ‘benefit friend’ wants to get back together, and I was upfront about telling him I was seeing someone. He did not like it! He tried to blame me for leaving him (?? did I do something wrong?) and abandoning him and looking for someone new and he did he best to win me back! He kept calling and texting and emailing and sending me mixed CDs and Notes in the mail and giving me flowers and girls and a ton of other stuff that was crossing the line. I finally had to tell him to BACK OFF he wasn’t getting it. He still finds reasons to contact me (mutual friends, etc.) but I’m short with him. I feel bad, earlier this year we were real tight but my new boyfriends doesn’t need this.

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  • HisGirl:

    My 1st bf ever had this thing where he would not leave me alone…i told him it was over and he was always there…calling, texting, showing up uninvited..even when i went off to college it didn’t stop…not even when i got into my current relationship 5 years ago…needless to say…My guy got on the phone and put the kid in his place…finally…he no longer calls/texts/emails or facebooks!

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  • avatar
    sunnytam:

    God, guys are dumb. You’d think guys of the Gen X and Millennial demographics would be a little more enlightened, but nooo.

    They don’t understand sarcasm or hints. They just need the plain facts, followed by blocking, followed by public humiliation and/or a “f— off” response and/or another guy answering, followed by the threat of a Restraining Order, followed by getting the Order!

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    1. avatar
      sunnytam:

      Oh, I just remembered one dude, with whom I had a casual thing. He started showing up at my door, unannounced, at all hours of the night. (this is pre-internet.) I had to deke him with lights-out as if I wasn’t home. A “touching” note left in my mailbox didn’t move me. Thankfully I was planning to move out anyway.

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  • chitowngirl1:

    Whenever a guy keeps pestering me (and it’s uninvited!), I block them from every means of communication. They are unfriended on Facebook (and blocked!), blocked from my cell phone (so not even texts can get through), and blocked from any other form of social media (Twitter, etc.). When I say I don’t wanna talk to you, I really mean it!

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