Why I Don’t Care About My Wedding, And Why It’s Okay
Ah, wedding season. The time to celebrate love, clink some glasses with your relatives and friends, and watch a happy couple shell out a couple thousand in the name of it all. One Staffer wonders…is it really all about the wedding day or more about the person and the whole ever-after part? Read why she’s not obsessing about invite stationery and why she kinda never wants to.
“My best friend is getting married, but I am in noooo way ready to take that next step in my life any time soon. I’m young (mid-twenties, which sounds old to me and every wrinkle and gray hair I see causes an anxiety attack, but I know, that’s ‘young’) and somehow I can’t imagine a sparkling engagement ring on my hand. It just wouldn’t complement my cracked purple OPI nail polish. (I was busy last night and didn’t have time to give myself a mani. Busy watching Dexter and drinking wine, okay?)
That said, I feel like a freak. I know I’m going to get married someday (in a ‘someday’ when I stop drinking $4 PBRs because I’m ‘poor,’ cease causing petty arguments with my boyfriend and take the time to do my nails), but when I think of all the money wasted and the pomp and circumstance that will go on during this one ‘best day of my life’ I get some more wrinkles and gray hairs.
Here’s a secret: unlike most women I’ve never really dreamed of my wedding day. I have no idea what dress I’m going to wear. Never have I ever perused the Tiffany’s website for my engagement ring. I don’t know where I want to get hitched. The one thing that’s been eluding me my whole life about this whole holy matrimony mess? The person I’m going to marry.
To me, flowers die, cake gets stale, and half of my relatives and friends will probably be too ‘faced to really savor this, uh, magic moment. What will everyone else remember about my wedding? ‘The salad was great!’ ‘Uncle Ted did a mean Electric Slide!’ Ummmmm, couldn’t I just throw a kegger, blast my iPod, serve some burgers and have that same best time ever? Point is: no matter how many wedding photos you take or videographers you hire, (how much did that set you back?) my idea of remembering ever-lastiiiiin’ love is a little bit different.
With the divorce rate at 50% (eek—or has it climbed even higher?!) I want to be 150% sure that the person I’m marrying is the right person. My soulmate, someone who couldn’t even fathom the separation that the statistics show. This way, getting married will be one of the greatest days of my life, even if I’m on some beach, in a hot pink dress with a dime store ring. But the greatest days of my life will also be ones that are 100% free, just spent with that person, maybe doing the Electric Slide by ourselves, taking our own pictures and goofing off—nothing important but still everything at the same time. To me, forever is something you can’t put a price or engraved wedding bell favors on, and that person, whether I know him or not yet, will be worth more than something any money I ever have could buy.
So at my best friend’s wedding, I will watch and learn. I’m not talking taking pictures of her wedding cake so I can copy it (hopefully) a few years down the line, but at the kind of soulmate love she’s found that makes her sure that this person is her forever and ever. And just like soulmates are ‘to each his own’ I suppose that weddings themselves are just as unique as the couples and the love that cause them.”
GIRL TALK TIME: If you’re already married, what kind of wedding did you have? Not married yet? Have you always dreamed of your wedding day right down to the details? What will it be like? Why do you want that wedding? Do you agree with the writer or do you think she’s completely crazy? What were you thinking when your best friend got married? What did you do?
COMING SOON…NATIONAL GIRLFRIEND AWARDS
PSST! National Girlfriends Day is Sunday, August 1. We’re celebrating you and all of your fabulous girlfriends by throwing our first annual National Girlfriend Awards. Check back on Sunday, August 1 and throughout the month of August on Sheckys.com to nominate your best girlfriends or your very own girlfriend crew for one of our 10 awards. Best part about it? Each winner from every category gets their own special prize pack! We can’t wait to hear your stories.
Cart
44 Comments
Post a CommentMy husband and I have been married for 3 years. We had a church wedding with about 125 guests. Its alot for just one day. If I had to do it over I would have just the 2 of us. The days goes by so quick and then its all over. I felt like I blinked my eyes and it was 12 am already.
never had the desire of a BIG wedding….small and intimate….for me
I’m getting married in a few weeks and to be honest I really didn’t care as much for the planning and all the details you need to think of and take care of that everyone else was telling me “is the fun part”. I just kept thinking the fun part will actually be the ceremony and dancing the night away with my husband and family.
I am getting married in October and I cannot wait!!!!! We are having a very elegant wedding with all of the bells and whistles!
Janine is getting married??? The world must be coming to an end!!!
I want my wedding simple and sweet! Maybe my dogs as the the flower girl and ring bearer! ;p
I don’t think having a big wedding is that big of deal,the reason why is you never know how long the marriage is going to last.i have seen many people get married with big wedding and they never last.As for myself im my early thirties and i was married 4yrs as of june 11 and i had a small wedding with my children and mother and siblings,also his one sister and parents.thank God we still lasting but in any relationship its always going to be ups and downs but know that the good always outways the bad.You just have to be that willing participate to hold on and trust God will fix any and every situation in your life.That is how i see LIFE.
I was like the staffer but came around in my 30s to start dreaming of my wedding.
me too. I never really thought about marriage until I hit 31 and now I’m over it. Marriage, kids, house in the burbs…. I’ll have to fall into that reality. Simply not interest in planning for a wedding, I rather plan my next promotion or holiday.
I come from a big family so I always said I wanted a small wedding or destination wedding in Brazil ( some place a lot of people couldn’t jump up and go). Weddings have become more and more about the guest than the couple. Seriously its a bitter battle over who sits where and who’s not invited, who eats this who likes that. However, as I get older I am having a change heart. Maybe I’ll still have small wedding with close family and friends, with a live salsa, calypso, and funk band. Yup! I want all three.
not everyone has the same outcome. Once that prince charming comes and sweeps u off ur feet you will just fall blissfully in love
Whatever makes you happy!
Ummm I hate to point this out but if you know that you want a small wedding and your dress to be pink or just not a big wedding dress and the thought of what you and your future husband to be will do. how do can you say you dont care about your wedding. this sounds like someone who cares. just because you dont want a big fuss does not mean you dont think about it. its ok to think about how you will one day marry your soulmate and how you wish to have it.
I agree with the writer. I don’t the wedding celebration matters all that much, it’s all about the person you are getting married to. I’m currently at the age of 26 and I too have never imagined what my wedding would be like or what I want it to be like. If I have a few close friends and family members at the event I’m more than happy. I also would rather not have a huge wedding, it’s a huge expense. I’d rather use that money towards a nice honeymoon destination.
I’ve always wanted a small, intimate wedding since I hate attention (I seriously do!). I hate having a million people stare at me, especially when I don’t know them. I want the people who actually know me to be there, not just “acquaintances”. A wedding is one of the most important days of my life and I want the most important people to be there!
I totally agree with the writer even though I sometimes find myself on the Tiffany website. I was recently a bridesmaid in a wedding and it was as stressful for the bride as it was for me. It turned out to be a beautiful wedding but my only concluding thoughts were for my wedding (lightyears in the future) to keep it as simple as possible and to find my soulmate. Meanwhile ill keep browsing the Tiffany website…sometimes.
Amen, sister. I hate to be a downer, but girls who die for the “perfect day” and the “perfect man” make me want to vomit bile. And as for the bridezillas out there that condemn your friendship when you don’t move everything around for their special day AND special day’s activities up to the special day (bridal tea, shower, dress fitting, sleepover – blech!), call me (5 years down the road) when you are ready to apologize for how maniacal you acted (because you are getting a divorce)! LOL!
My Husband and I got married alone, no mom’s no dad’s, family, friends, no one. The marriage was about us since we 1st said I do. We got married at a resort in Jamaica and it was the best day/ 2 weeks of my life, & we been married 10 years and still going on strong.
Some women tend to lose sight of what the wedding ‘really’ is about. Its not just one day, but a lifetime. So if you plan to make that commitment to someone and have a wedding it should be for all the right reasons! Not because you’ve dreamed of being a ‘princess’ for a day.
My wedding was a combo of a family reunion, celebration and family vacation. What was special about our wedding was we used our budget money for our family to have fun. I needed my friends and family to take part in the design and enjoyment to reduce the cost and they were happy to help. My friends burned CD’s and da…d and his brother decorated the gazebo it was wonderful and it did not matter if anything did not go a planned because it was not about the plan but the love from each other and those who cared enough to take part in the celebration. So it is ok not care about a wedding as long as you are happy with the person you are spending your life with. The first thing to concern yourself is to understand yourself and love yourself then you can add another person in the picture and it is iceing on the cake but not the needed filler inside. Nothing is ever perfect and all relationships take work you just have to determine if it is worth and then stick with your choice. It does not matter if you dreamed up your celebration spent a lot of money or not an announced union is an important day in both you and your loved one’s life.
My hubby and I just got married this past May (Memorial Day Weekend). We, like many of you, wanted to keep things simple. Of course, in our case, that was easier said than done! It was difficult to leave certain people out, but we did our best to have a reasonably sized guest list. I have to say, all of the planning was well worth it. It brought us closer together and it was fun to make many different decisions along the way. It also was a big bonding time between me and my Mom, who I am very close to. It went by all too quickly and I must admit, I was a bit sad the next day! I think many girls in their mid-20′s (believe me, I was one of them once!) maybe don’t obsess over the details because you still need to live your lives (travel, spend time with friends, establish your career, etc.). I didn’t meet my husband until we were both 29. I had the opportunity to live my life before committing to someone else. I was a very laidback 32 yr old bride because being a little older now, I knew that in the end, it was our day and it symbolized a new beginning for us. My advice to anyone out there is to do what you feel is best for you. Do not let anyone influence your decisions and do what makes you happy. Each couple is different. Keep in mind that the people who count love you and will celebrate your union in the way you see fit.
I too bonded more with my mom and it was wonderful!
Wow, it is good to see someone else out there thinking right! No matter how much money you spend or don’t spend on your wedding, the most important thing is the days, weeks, months and years you are going to build your life with another person. So, make sure that he or she is the right one!
Prayer is a great place to start! You will know it when the time comes! Cheers!
Next month will be my 1 yr anniversary and my husband is def my soulmate. Our wedding was nice-we paid for it pretty much ourselves-spent about $5,000-which includes everything but the food (my parents paid for that). We didn’t have alcohol and I made everything myself except for the clothes. We didn’t have a huge wedding cake-had cupcakes and I planned the wedding myself as well. It was a beautiful and personalized wedding and everyone still remarks on what was the best thing about my wedding: how obvious the love is between the bride and groom. In all of our wedding pictures we both are smiling huge smiles and that made it worth it. I, too, never imagined my wedding day or even getting married. I got married at the age of 25 and I don’t regret it. I originally wanted a small wedding-actually a ‘weddingmoon’ with just the two of us, but since his family hadn’t had a wedding in years I compromised. That’s why for our 1 yr anniversary we are going on a 10 day vacation, just the two of us and I can’t wait. Anyway, I say all of this to say that spending some money on a big day is not the end of the world-as long as you can afford it and make it suit your personality. As long as it makes you and the groom happy-don’t look down on others who think differently. And really-you don’t know how much your feelings will change about weddings when your time comes! I never thought I would care so much about the perfect green color of my invitations! (that I wrote, designed, printed, and folded by myself!)