Dependent-Independence
Now that we’ve gotten familiar with one another, there’s another aspect of my life I should clue you in on. I’m 22 (going on 23 in one short month!) and living at home. I’m not saying this with nearly as much emphasis as you’re reading it, but a lot of my same-age counterparts are making moves and literally moving…out of their parents homes. What Independence Day magnified for me is that there’s a significant amount of dependency that comes with living at home, and this severely takes away from the “independence” of being an employed post-college grad.
Let me rewind for a hot sec. I was never Miss Independent (though I love me some Kelly Clarkson). I always attended sleepaway camp with tons of other little monsters, was first in line for a slumber party and had a schedule jam-packed with playdates. I’m pretty sure I cried when my parents separated the bunk beds my sister and I had and moved us into separate bedrooms (I may or may not have been 16…). That being said, as I’ve grown up, I have enjoyed and embraced a significant amount of independence. I’ve gone on teen tours across the country, foreign exchange programs overseas, opted to attend a college hours away from home…and studied abroad to boot. Suffice it to say, I’ve come a long way since my bunk bed outburst. Kinda.
I feel that living at home puts boundaries on how independent I can and will become. I know crashing with my parents seems like a luxury. I am living for free with two of my best friends (whattup, mom and dad) in close proximity to everything I’ve grown up with, in and around, including my best friends and favorite restaurants. I am given privacy and have virtually no rules to abide by, and those that are in place are lenient. I still treat my parents with the utmost respect and pick up the slack around the house without being asked. Even still, there’s something about calling your mom at 3 am when you missed the last train home that irks me. Irks me in the sense that even when I feel I’m making progress in the independent department, I’m taken back, not necessarily to square one, but one and a half…three quarters max.
I guess I’m not sure if this is a complaint or merely a comment that my situation creates a strange sense that I’ve dubbed dependent-independence. It’s tough to seek the independence you crave while you’re still living at home, even more so in the same house you grew up in. Yes, I am very fortunate, but I hope someone else can help or commiserate with my dependent-independence issues.
GIRL TALK TIME: Did you live at home with your parents after college? Do you live with them still? What’s it like? In your twenties, did you ever feel this strange sense of dependent-independence? If you have adult children, do they live with you? Do you love it or hate it? Any advice to help our editorial assistant out? Let us know!
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16 Comments
Post a CommentI’m 24 and have been living at home since I graduated college 2 years ago. I definitely agree with the whole loss of independence thing, but am also in a similar situation where I don’t have rules and can easily come and go as I please. The biggest downside to all of it is not being able to really have friends or guys over because I live in the suburbs but I spend all my time in the city on the weekends staying at friend’s places. I feel like a nomad, traveling around to whoever has a free couch, and I feel bad that I can’t return the favor for my friends and have them over for dinner or anything. I have to make my peace with it at the end of the day though, because I’m strapped by my student loans…I just figure when I move out on my own it will be that much more special and I will have hopefully learned what not to do from mistakes my friends have made from living on their own now…Best of luck!
Get out. Meant in the best way. People your own age will not see anything wrong with it, but there is. You are right to feel a loss of independence, you have. Set a goal date to leave, save,save,save, budget,budget,budget and do it. If you like the area, want to stay and feel that renting is a waste BUY, but go. It’s perfectly OK for a woman to own alone. For starters pay your bank account (SAVIGS) the rent you would have to pay for an appartment so you learn to understand real budgeting. It will bring you a wealth of self esteem. Good luck!
Im almost 30, still living at home, and am no where near being able to afford my own place yet. It hard doing it on your own in this economy. Im greatful to be able to stay with my parents, but it sux in oh so many ways.
I think that living at home is a pretty good deal. I currently live with my boyfriend, and there are times that I do miss living at my parents home, mainly when I don’t feel like making dinner after work! Or when I wish I could go shopping but budget instead. On the other hand its nice to have your own place and not have to answer to anyone else.
Do what you have to do to survive!
My adult son, 54, has lived with me since his split with wife 10 years go; in a 2 BR apartment to boot; gets crowded; he needs garage; I lived alone about 20 years before he joined me; but I actually feel a call to him re my whereabouts, as a courtesy call. If you were married; you would expect and want to let hubby know your whereabouts; or even roommates would worry if you were not in when they expected you; that’s caring. So, consider it as caring, not a breach of your independence and it won’t bother you at all. In today’s world I think it is absolutely necessary that a person keep in touch and in checked on; for safety if nothing else. Sounds as tho you 3 are all cool; know how many parents would try to control an adult child who returns to the home! Have a good one.
I live at home and its great. I pay all my own bills and cook and help out with everything.
I think if you can save money and live at home until you can have a nice cushion to move out on your own then you are in good shape. Sometimes it takes awhile to really make the move but it is nice when you have parents that are understanding of your situation. I agree that helping out with bills while at home is a good idea. I think every situation is different but with the stress of the economy, saving while living at home is a good option.
want to move in with me?!
Agreed! As long as you have something to occupy yourself with that can pay the bills and can save up to move out when you’re ready – say, to move in with a significant other or relocate for a job, there’s nothing wrong with staying home for a while longer.
Becoming independent is being able to pay your own way, even when living at home. Picking up the tab for food, bills, utilities etc. There is a difference to living with your parents and living off your parents. At the just post college age, you are trying to establish yourself as a professional, and save and build a financial foundation, so being able to live rent free is good, but if you decide to stay for a while or longer, then you should share in the expenses just like you would any other roommate situation. For me living at home did not clear me from sharing with expenses or chores. You have to clean and cook where ever you live, whether mom and dad are with you or not! Just respect each others space and privacy.
I’ve lived at home for the past 2 years since graduating and am currently counting down the days until I move out this fall. Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that my parents allowed me to live at home rent-free this long. But I blame this situation on the economy. Working a dead-end job has not allowed me to be as independent as I thought I would be after college. For example, I come home work and I don’t have to worry about what to make for dinner because my family has saved me leftovers. It’s the little stuff like that that I got used to during college which makes me feel that I’ve regressed. I’ve also hated the feeling of sneaking around my parents to spend the night with a guy- it made me feel like I was back in high school.
HI there: Do you really think your parents don’t know you are lying/sneaking to stay the night with a boy?? You could probably be DIPLOMATIC, but honest; they would understand; and if not you can train them to. Honesty is really the best policy and frees you; beside, THEY KNOW ALL THEIR KIDS TRICKS! Have you forgotten they were your age once; and probably thought the way you think now? Good luck; and by the way, You Are LUCKY. GG
At that Age I see nothing wrong with Living at Home….It would be different if she had kids….Or was trying 2 have a boyfriend Move In As Well….But in these Hard Times…Save As Much As U Can….And if that mean coming home 2 cooked meals made by MOM….Then So Be It……..
There is nothing wrong with living at home. I agree in this economy it will help everyone in the long run.
i moved back home w/ my parents after college. then after 3 years, i moved to chicago (14 hours from home) and had my own apartment. after 2 years, i moved back home w/ my parents. then after another 2 years i bought a house w/ my husband and we moved in (we were married 7 months after we bought the house). i don’t think there is anything wrong w/ living at home, especially in today’s economy. the housing market isn’t that great and who wants to pay for an apartment you’ll never own? yes, i did feel that dependent-independence in my 20s when i was still at home. but i had a friend who had her own apartment (albeit her father was her landlord) but she went home every single night for dinner b/c she didn’t cook. so how was that really living on your own?