Shecky’s

Not married.. yet.. I do hope to one day take my bf and childrens last name but id like to ger out of debt and save up for my dream wedding..

Good tips.

I don’t think that’s 4 me

I’m not emotionally ready for that kind of commitment.

I’ve read through all of these comments and I feel I’m pretty well versed in relationship knowledge – I’m 28, have had 7 serious boyfriends (varying in length between 1.5 years to almost 3 years) and my current relationship is at the 1.5yr mark. I have a few things to say here. First and foremost, it is my opinion that you don’t really get to know someone well enough to commit before the 2 year mark. That seems to be the initial benchmark in relationships – given I’ve only made it past that mark twice (and things were a little rocky at time), this seems to be the time when you start voicing your opinions more freely, about what you want and also about your significant other (sometimes nit picking, etc) and evaluating all aspects, relevant or not, of your relationship (maybe this is just a girl thing, who knows) – which is where any conflicts can be surfaced, AND where you can really grow together. I get the “when you’ve met the right one, you just know” idea, but I honestly have not seen a successful one of these outside of a few in my parents age bracket. In this day and age, that just doesn’t seem to hold true because people change so much between key age brackets. I read an article somewhere that was very interesting. The interview was with a marriage councelor (PhD of some sort) who bluntly stated in this interview “I am happily married for the 3rd time.” This was astonishing to the interviewer (who was female, of course) – how can you honestly take the idea of marriage seriously when you’re on your 3rd one!? His answer was quite simple: people change in cycles of 15 years. If you’ve had a 15 year marriage, you have been successful. It is a rather rare instance when people grow together on the same path for more than 15 years and hold the same love for each other, thoughts, opinions, ambitions, etc. It’s just the way the mind and body change that’s sort of out of our hands, and it should be accepted. Now, i’m not sure I’m totally buying into this, and if this is the case, why go through all the hassle of even getting married?? Why not just be together, as individuals for as long as you can make it work? The guy I’m with now is by far the best thing I’ve ever had. I used to say, I wish I could put together this quality from BF#1 and this quality from BF#3, etc to make the perfect guy…and guess what? He is THAT (and a bag of chips – yep, channeling my inner 13 year old)! But there are still things that we disagree on and things that annoy each other. Ultimately my conclusion is this: what’s the harm in marriage? I mean really? The worst thing that can happen is divorce (which you should STRONGLY work AGAINST via counseling and couples retreats and such). But society has created this taboo of divorce that I think is a major enemy here. That and the fear of commitment – “the grass is greener” mindset (which is a totally different topic – in fact, “swinger” couples seem to be happier than monogamous ones…but I won’t go there). I believe you should put in the time (in my opinion 3+ years of dating, and you MUST live together for a good chunk of that time) and after that, if you still feel this person is your best friend and it just wouldn’t be the same if you couldn’t at least talk to them every day, then go for it!! What do you really have to lose? A stigma of being a “divorcee”? I mean, who cares in the long run if you took the right steps and made a strong effort? It’s a new world out there and people have to adapt.

You no when to get married …when you never wanted to and all of a sudden it all you van think about

I agree!!

I agree with a lot of you ladies! If and when I get married I want it to be forever, I don’t believe in divorce so you’ve got to be 1,000% positive! Lately, I’ve begun questioning it at all because I don’t feel like my personality or more like my lifestyle (having the 24/7 PR job) isn’t really conducive to a relationship, let alone a marriage! But this is what I always wanted to do so I’m kinda living out the dream and struggling with the on-off boyfriend issues for now. I love that we no longer feel as women that if we’re not married by 25 doesn’t mean we’ll end up as spinsters!

Met my husband at age 26, got married by 28. Before I met him, I had been in an unhappy 3-year relationship that was going nowhere.

I always figured… if I get married.. GREAT! If not… that’s OKAY! I have just tried to maintain keeping myself happy… with or without a relationship. It’s not always easy, because you and your partner have to learn to get along.. no matter what.

Have now been married 12 years… and have a 9-year old son. If you’re happy, go for it. If you’re not happy, figure out why and if it’s worth staying in the relationship.

I’m 26 and not married yet. It seems that most of my friends are in serious relationships or married. At times some of them ask me why I’m not married yet. The guys that I seem to meet just seem to be into playing games or turn out to not be a good match for me. I think it might also partially be because my past relationships have left me feeling jaded and I don’t know if I completely believe that there is no right guy for me and I might be destined to be single for a very long time. While I’m not sure I am ready at this point in my life to get married it would be nice to find someone that may at some point be willing to make such a commitment to me, and not feel that someone is just interested in how I look.

I think some of us are waiting because we are now realizing that marriage isn’t completely the Cinderella story we have all dreamed of since we were little girls with Barbie and Ken…I have been in a relationship for a little over 3 years and my relationship has had so many ups and downs, I dont think there is any way marriage could be better, honestly. More importantly, I think we both need time to develop our relationship to see if a) despite all the personal, financial social BS if we really would still need each other, b) despite contemplating murdering each other we would dare want to separate from each other c) our beliefs and values would roll-over easily into our offspring without our children wondering why polar opposites get married.

In regards to me and marriage, I am choosing to wait until I can clearly see that I am at least stable enough to fight off things that could try to ruin my marriage, with the expectation that hopefully by that time he feels just as confident as I am.

I would love to be married. But, unlike some, I want to stay married. Who wants to get engaged, plan a wedding, go through the whole shabang and end up divorced in a few years. I’m hoping that I’ll meet someone who not only knocks my socks off but has similar life goals. Slow and steady wins the race.

I enjoy myself too much and am not ready to commit. I have a great boyfriend, but I do keep in mind that it is a life-long commitment! There is just too much I want to do right now before tying the knot. It may sound a bit selfish, but I do enjoy my freedom. I also enjoy getting all dolled up and going out with friends!

I have been in a loving relationship with the same man for almost three years now. We have been through it all: living with his parents, buying a home, renovating that home (which has been proven to be one of the biggest strains you can put on a relationship), and now living together, happily, I might add. We have discussed marriage in detail, why we would want to get married, if it’s the right time etc. But it hasn’t been a light conversation. There are so many things that play into marriage, such as children and how you want to raise them, how to financially pay for a wedding, making sure your financially stable in general, etc. Too many people get married for one reason, and one reason only. LOVE. Yes, love. We have all heard the wonderful romantic fairy tales of love and finding our soul mate, but is that really what its all about? Think about it: since the 50′s divorce rates have risen %50. Why? because in today’s society we base everything off of emotions. Of course love has to play a part in getting married, (who doesn’t want her handsome prince? I do) but its so much more than that. Individuals used to get married for security, financial stability, building a family, etc. Those should all still play a big part, and they don’t anymore. I have so many friends who got married at 20 years old or younger and are now getting a divorce. And they have kids!! I wish people would realize, marriage isn’t another dating opportunity. You have been there and done that, that’s why you get married. Take a browse through Elizabeth Gilbert’s current novel “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.” It will make you think twice about taking marriage lightly and you might even learn something as well.

I’m 25 and not married… And I’m completely okay with that. My current “relationship” with the same dude for 4 years is not what I would consider the road to marriage. So I guess I would say I’m not married because my guy is not marriage material … Sad I know, but I know my life is pretty secure with everything I have going on…and his- simply isn’t. Can’t marry a guy that you break up with every 3-4 months… If I felt he would be capable of being a husband (or a real man for that -haha) then i would think about it. I love him, but he really needs to grow up and fend for himself before he can think about including me in his lifelong plans as his wife.

I got married 3 years ago when I was 28. Hubby and I were dating for a year before he popped the question and got married 6 months later. We were ready, we loved each other and we kept growing to love each other more and more each day. We have disagreements and heated discussions (not fights), but that’s healthy in any relationship. We have a BEAUTIFUL little boy that is the center of our universe. I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world!

My hubbie and I waited to get married until we were 26 and both out of college. We wanted to be finished with school and both have jobs. That way we would have a steady income.

We both knew we wanted to be together for the rest of our lives and we were both comfortable with ourselves and our lives.

not married, and think it’s wonderful that women/girls today are taking the time to think about what they want out of life and from what it sounds like, focusing on self-improvement first, before “jumping in.”

hopefully this will mean longer-lasting marriages and more ‘happily ever afters’

only other thing i’d add is that it’s ok not to be perfect before taking the plunge, & if you meet the right person, you can work on all the lil unhemmed areas together~

but no rush.
never a rush to force yourself to make something work that doesn’t.

Lately, I’ve really been questioning if marriage, in general, is for me. I know, sounds nuts but, the thing is, I’ve been with my bf for a little over a year now, we live together and he’s a nice guy … however, with marriage comes having to put up with living and dealing with a man and the manly things they do .. ALL THE TIME. For example, if your guy doesn’t have the best hygiene ever (i.e. picks at his feet in bed/on the couch, bad breath, bad flatulence, etc.) that you didn’t know existed ’til you moved in together, of course … how do you WANT to deal with that forever? .. how does anyone take the immaturity, distrust, “hot girl radar”, hygiene habits, mood swings, couch potato/video game playing attitude or any other nasty characteristic guys have and say … you know what, it’s ok .. I’m ok with feeling inadequate, not being able to truly trust him and just plugging my nose whenever he walks into a room .. who says “I do” to that, really? .. I’m sure there’s men out there that aren’t THAT bad but, I have yet to meet a married woman who is truly happy with her husband. Now don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect, I know I’m not but, I at least try to make my self appeal to my bf and my flaws are there, they do exist but, at least I try to put them in check for him … and it’s not like I’m basing my “is marriage for me?” question on just my relationship with him .. it’s actually based on what I’ve seen, bad relationships I’ve been in and just the overall unhappiness that seems to come with marriage ..

So, I think the real question for me is “why would you ever WANT to get married?”

phew! .. ok .. sorry .. I’m done

I married when I was 37 years old. I “thought” we’d be together forever for life. Not. He left a little over a year, he said he wasn’t ready. But he married someone after he divorced me. I can’t even imagine saying “I do” again. I’m with someone finally after 7 or 8 years. My boyfriend at this time has never been married and he’s 52 years old. He has bought up the subject of marriage and I believe if I said “let’s get married” he’d be down for it. Not.