My Boyfriend Hates My Parents

We already shared an awkward story about meeting the parents for the first time. Yeah, your dad may have a thing or two to say to your new suitor (“What are you doing later?” -BF “Oh, just cleaning my gun!” -Dad), but what about the flipside—when your boyfriend doesn’t like your family.

Check out one Shecky’s Staffer’s story and let us know what your boyfriend thinks of your whacky (oh come on, like Aunt Edna’s penchant for stilettos is normal at age 80!) family.

When we finally meet the guy who could be the ‘one,’ we all have that same fantasy—he’ll be tossing the football around with our brothers, chatting stocks with our fathers and charming our mothers by helping around the house. I indulged in this dream myself, convinced my picture-perfect fam would embrace my Southern gent of a man with open arms. I was wrong.

For months I just couldn’t understand why my boyfriend felt so unwelcome (sure, they were protective, but it wasn’t like they outright ignored him…or did they?). Then I started to resent him. Sick of hearing him complain, I started to think that maybe my fam was onto something. On the flipside, I also started to question my family, taking a look at all the flaws I hadn’t seen until my boyfriend pointed them out.

For so long I tried to force a relationship between them, convinced that they would eventually bond (I loved them all so it only made sense that they’d eventually all love each other, right?), but I finally realized that the only person who was suffering in the situation was…me! Once I was able to leave things alone, to let go of the idea that everything had to be perfect, everything settled into a comfortable status quo.

There are two things I learned from this ordeal. One, my family is crazy (yours is too, don’t deny it) and no, I don’t mean in the Norman Bates sense. But every family has their own idiosyncrasies, their own ways of expressing themselves that seem perfectly normal for those in the situation, but completely…baffling to an outsider. The second lesson—it doesn’t matter what your family thinks of your boyfriend or vice versa! After all, why do you think in-laws get such a bad rep? Just because someone is right for you, doesn’t mean they are right for your family (or that your family will think they are right for you.) Would it have been nice if my happy football fantasy had come true…of course, but we can’t all be the Brady Bunch (and even that family had some trouble with the football part…).

TELL US NOW! Does your boyfriend or husband get along with your family or is it more like a family feud? Tell us your gripes, we need some support!

17 Comments

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  • Ashley:

    My boyfriend and I are both 20, soon to be 21. We’ve been together for roughly 4 1/2 months. For the past 4 1/2 months, he has felt like he doesn’t fit in with my family. This morning, because of my lack of judgement, he overheard a conversation I had with my dad because I had left my mic on on Skype. In this conversation, my dad told me that he and my mom both liked my boyfriend, but my mom felt he was ‘drippy’ or that he would stand around just looking like he was staring into the abyss. One thing about my boyfriend, he is very quiet and shy – the exact opposite of my family who are loud and obnoxious. I love my boyfriend for everything he is, flaws and all. He needs some more time to open up to my family and get used to the loud, obnoxiousness they possess. I am also a bit loud and obnoxious but I feel like we balance each other out. So anyway, my boyfriend overhears this conversation because I was a complete idiot and now thinks my parents don’t like him at all and he feels they were making fun of him and that they never really liked him. My boyfriend can be sensitive sometimes but I understand why he feels the way he does. I’m upset that my parents would say something like that about him, but I’m also hurt that now my boyfriend won’t feel comfortable in my home and won’t want to be here anymore. I have fallen in love with my boyfriend and I don’t want something like this to ruin what we have.

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  • Anna:

    My boyfriend who’s 16 and me, 15,
    have only been dating for about a month or two and He came over and met my parents once. He instantly hated my dad and was okay with my mom until my parents caught us kissing. Now most parents don’t care but mine are super over protective
    So anyway they got all angry and disappointed my dad won’t let him set foot in my house ever again and my mom just does whatever my dad says. I was talking to my bf and everytime I bring up my parents saying I wanna go out this weekend we just gotta work around my parents he gets really angry he doesn’t do anything about it and he tries to hide
    his anger but I know it’s there. He keeps disrespecting my family and I don’t think he realizes it’s bothering me and even tho I do love him it’s bothering me because I don’t like him saying your dad can’t control you and I really f***ing hate him and a lot of mean stuff I’m not sure if I should risk arguing about things like this so early in our relationship because I don’t want to lose him. I need some advice! What should I do?

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  • Sarah Koenig:

    I have been with my now fiancé eight years and my parents and him have had their ups and downs and now due work and my no car situation im at his parents house living. Which would be fine if he would just make an effort to go see my family once in awhile. It hurts but I love him and I know he loves me just wish he wanted to be.with my parents too:/

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  • Amanda:

    Ny Boyfriend HATES My Parents! And My Parents Hate Him Too. And I’ve Always Agreed With My Boyfriend Because They’re Too Over Protective, Too Judgemental, And Too Angry All The Time. And Protrecting Me From What?? From Guys Hurting Me, When My Parents Are Hurting Me Even More Than I Would From A Guy? To Me, Its Bullshit.

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  • Taji:

    My boyfriend and my parents don’t get along at all. It makes me sad because my parents can’t see that he’s a good guy and he can’t see that my parents just want the absolute best for me. After a recent fight between them over a Facebook post my boyfriend is refusing to be civil about it and demanded an apology which is not going to happen. Now he’s ignoring me because I was defending them when he was saying some really nasty things about my family. He doesn’t want to talk about it anymore but meanwhile it’s killing me, I feel like an ass, and I’m losing sleep. I’m just lost about this whole thing.

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  • Bethany:

    I know how this feels. My mom used to hate my boyfriend, so she sent me off to Texas while my boyfriend lives in Wisconsin.. I’m 17 years old, and I’m in love with him, but I was taken away from him for two and a half months without any contact so we had to separate. I finally got back to Wisconsin and found out that my mom is totally fine with my boyfriend now after all the hell she put me, and the guy I love, through.. Now, the guy I love and I both love each other still so very much, but the problem is now that he doesn’t wanna date me again because he doesn’t want my mom to be in his life and neither do I, but I don’t know what to do or say. I love his family and his family loves me but they don’t like my mom either.. Someone help? I’ll be 18 in a couple days..

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  • Beebee:

    My bf is a nice guy, but when we fought, I would tell my parents. I’m only 13 and so is he, but my parents don’t even know him and they hate him! It’s not fair! They need to stay out of my business and be happy that I’m happy! Right?

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    1. guest67:

      grow up and stop telling your parents about every fight you have with him. if you would stop making him look like the bad guy by telling them about your fights, maybe they would like him. and you say they need to stay out of your business, well you are the one putting them in your business by telling them about every stupid little fight you have. and honesty, you are 13 years old. you are not mature enough to be in a relationship and I can garuntee that the guy you are dating now is not the one you are gonna marry. you are way too young for that.

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  • Lisa M:

    My ex’s family hated me because I wasn’t the same religion as them! So ignorant! That’s why he’s the ex!!

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  • Joy:

    Thankfully everybody gets along which is wonderful.

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  • Tif:

    It doesn’t matter what your family thinks of your boyfriend. I’m 17 and my boyfriend is 21. My boyfriend HATES my family but that’s because I hate most of them too. They dislike people just because they’re judgmental and very arrogant. They don’t even want to meet my boyfriend. I love him a lot and he loves me. He doesn’t have to love my family. I feel like my family is jealous because he’s, “stealing”, me away from them. Anyways, it’s my life and he makes me happy so my family should really be happy for me. My family is obviously dysfunctional…

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  • avatar
    lilt:

    my husband does get along w/ my parents. my mom is a little controlling—like will rearrange the china cabinet. but we just laugh it off now. my dad loves to come over and help us out w/ yardwork and landscaping. i think my husband really appreciates the help.

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  • JENNY ARCE:

    You need to know set boundaries btwn these two relationships, if not thats how everything begins to collide. Family tends to put themselves in your buisiness more than they should

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  • Fifi D'Rocks:

    1 thing I learned is to keep my Parents out your business about what any fights or bad times with your BF…The y start to look at your BF wrong and make situation awkward when he comes around… learning the hard way….::Sigh::

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  • HisGirl:

    My honey and my family get along great!!! No quams there…but it is quite different the other way around….

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  • Emily Hon:

    My boyfriend and my Family get along pretty well so far. However my dad and step-mom live in Denver and we live in L.A. My mom lives out here and they try to get along. She thinks he isn’t motivated enough and hates when he borrows my car. He thinks she’s a little nuts, and he’s right. I love them both though. So what can I say. We’re working through it. We tend to all have fun together though!!!! =)

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  • Lee:

    My boyfriend and family totally get along, though I’ll admit it wasn’t easy breezy from the beginning. I’ve always been someone to try to integrate my friends from different walks of life together, so when I started getting serious with my guy I knew that I wanted him to get along with my fam. It’s not that it was ever really bad, but it was certainly awkward at first, just because everyone was trying so hard. Once I talked to both my family and my guy (separately) and told them to just be themselves (to an extent!), they realized they could genuinely get along and it’s been a great situation ever since.

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